Breakeven

I'm looking back on all the life that you gave me
And I've never felt more alive
No words explain all the ways that you changed me
The way you made wrong things right

There will be days that I'm barely hanging on
And then I'll think of you, and you and me
But when everything has turned shades of gray
You still color the world around me

-Color the World by Amanda Martinez

Last night was very eventful—and I'm not just talking about the football game. For the past few weeks, one of my co-worker's husband has been in critical condition in the ICU with some serious organ failure due to a bout with Hepatitis C. Yesterday at the end of the work day, we got the call that she was going to take him off of life support. A bunch of my co-workers were going to be going to the hospital to be with her in that moment. In the grand scheme of things, I'd never met her husband and she and I were not especially close—but I knew I needed to be there. No one should die alone, and no one should have to go through the death of a loved one alone. She needed people she could cry with, share memories with, and just BE with. I wanted her to know that I was there for her.

A bunch of us showed up and suited up (so that we wouldn't catch any diseases from her dying husband) and surrounded my co-worker with love and support. It was one of the most powerful displays of affection and family I'd seen in a while. My co-worker's husband's family was not very close and so very few of them showed up (even during the course of the hospitalization). Our entire staff was there, save for two people who had colds and therefore couldn't join us. We were their family—and it showed.

I got to watch an amazing woman express her love and honor to this wonderful man who had an uncanny way of making her come alive, and come out of hiding. I loved watching her love and care for him while we were there, caressing his pallid bony skin and bragging about how handsome he still is. I think one of the sweeter moments for me was when she turned directly to me and said,

"Amanda, I wish you two could have met. Ray would have loved you and loved spending time with you. He would've loved your big heart and your witty sense of humor and he would have loved hearing you sing your songs."

She didn't say it as an off-the-cuff nicety. She meant it and it caught my attention. It's not so much the accolades that caught my attention, but the fact that she, having known and loved this man, could speak for him with such certainty—she knew him that well. It moved my heart. So I wrote about it—I've included some of the first round lyrics (Color The World) at the top of the post. I'm still working on the song, but being in that room, witnessing that tender honest love inspired me that true love is, in fact, not lost. It is waiting, and I'll be ready when it shows it's lovely face. :)