La Cucaracha

Last night would have marked the first time I ever purposefully punched a guy in the face. WOULD being the key word.

Last night we were visited by the census fairy. He didn't bring money or candy, which already put him on my "Be Gone" list*, and instead brought us a million and one questions we had no answers to. My housemate Amanda and I did our best to field the questions he asked about us and our 4 other housemates. Things didn't fare to well from my perspective.

First he asked for all of our names. Then he asked how to spell Martinez, which I thought was pretty much a given since

1. He was hispanic, and

2. I've never met anyone whose last name was Marteenis. I know, I know, they're out there somewhere . . . and when I find them, I'm referring them to the census guy.

As the census guy sat on the couch with the other Amanda, and I sat eating dinner in the adjacent dining area, we went back and forth answering questions . . . lots of them. And for the most part, we didn't know the answers he was looking for. Not only did we NOT know the Date of Birth for our other housemates, we also could neither confirm nor deny that any of them had at any point in their lives known/had a foster child or where their previous residence was. But the real kicker came when he asked about our cultural history. FIrst of all, he asked the other Amanda what nationality I was. Did I mention I was there in the same vicinity and had been calling out answers during the preliminary interrogation? Cause I was. After getting over the frustration that the guy was totally ignoring the fact that I was in the room and thus, he could PERSONALLY ask me questions (instead of asking my housemate) our conversation went like so.

Census: Are you Hispanic, Latina, Chicana, Mexican, or Mexican American, or other?

Me: Wow. So many to choose from. Um. You tell me. My dad is Mexican and my mom is Spanish, but I've never been to Mexico OR Spain, and in fact, I was born in Germany. But I've lived in America since I was a baby.

Census: So should I put you down as Mexican?

Me: Um. No. Mexican American. Thank you.

Census: Okay so, are you Samoan or Peruvian or . . .

Me: What? No. I just told you. Mexican American.

Census: Well you have to choose one from this list. (hands me a list with other nationalities)

Me: Ah. Here, OTHER. I choose Other.

Census: And what is that other?

Me: Mexican American.

I'm not sure what frustrated me more, the fact that he obviously wasn't listening to me, or that he was insistent on sticking to his little format instead of noticing what was going on during our conversation. Either way, it happened and I left shortly after to go watch LOST with some wonderful people, which totally made my night MUCH better.

* I don't really have a "Be Gone" list and I realize he can't have known that I would request such loot upon entering our house.

American Love

3 more days until I see Jack's Mannequin live!!! I'm sooooo excited!!!

As a songwriter, Andrew McMahon's style and his ability to write clever songs that speak deep into your heart and mind, and challenge the way you think about life and the things around you really inspire me to make the things that I write follow suit. Our words and experiences are obviously different, but the way he uses language to its fullest to convey a deeper meaning is just very inspirational to me. One of my favorite songs that he sings is called American Love and the funny thing is that the way the song came about was pretty different from his typical approach to songwriting—but he tried something new and it came to be this great song that challenges the way we see love. And it starts out like this:

You see I got this American Love
A brand new planet in my solar system
I kiss her neck but I just can't look her in the eye

And THAT challenges me because it's so true. As people, we crave intimacy, but a lot of times we're not willing to go through every situation that leads to true intimacy. We want to have love and touch and feel so amazing, but not if it causes us to face our own demons or our own issues. I've seen a lot of relationships fail. I've seen a lot of them succeed. The thing that separates them is the ability of the people in them to give and take equally, and readily face each situation with truth, honor, and unconditional love.

When I think of relationships and dating, I think one of the best things is the ability to learn more about yourself through the life that you take time to invest in, to love unconditionally, to grow with. It's a challenge. It's a blessing and a curse. But the best blessing and the best curse. I must admit, part of what frightens me about being in a relationship with someone else is having to step outside of myself and on a consistent basis put someone else's needs before mine. I'm pretty selfish. Most wouldn't see this right away. I value my close friends because they've spent quality time with me and have seen me get bratty because I didn't get my way or because I felt inconvenienced—and it wasn't pretty. But what I love about them is that they challenge me to get over myself. They walk through situations with me and they're not afraid to tell me I'm wrong or that I need to try to see things from a different perspective. And because of them, I learn all the time what my triggers are and what I can do to avoid a meltdown or a shutdown. And every time I learn, I get better and the next time isn't as bad. I haven't completely tamed the dragon of selfishness in my life, but I've gotten closer and I get burned less and less the closer I get to it.

All week I've been listening to Jack's Mannequin, and getting more and more excited. The words to American Love really do challenge me.

In my non-romantic relationships—do I let people see the real me? Or do I put up a front just to look like I've got my life all figured out? Do I offer them a friendship with stipulations or am I truly able to keep them close without strings attached? And when I come close to veering towards the negative side of things in the relationships, do I trust God and do I trust them to point me in the right direction?

In my romantic relationship(s)—will I be able to see past their flaws and meet them halfway in arguments? Will I value their mind as much as their looks and talents? Will I let them help me get over myself? Will I trust them fully with my heart? Will it just be about physical intimacy or will there be meaning and purpose behind the things we endeavor to do as a team?

It's a challenge. One I'm willing to take on. One step at a time and I will reach my goal—to live and love on purpose, with purpose, endeavoring to have meaningful relationships with people.