Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I Am A Beautiful Letdown...

So, everyday I get to meet such cool, sometimes creepy people on the bus or while waiting for the bus. But I find myself consistently letting people down. They seem to think that I speak spanish- which I don't. But I still want to be cordial so I say- "Sorry. I don't." Then all of a sudden there's a change in their demeanor and they look so DISAPPOINTED! Then comes the whopper- "BUT YOU LOOK MEXICAN" okay, okay people. keep it above the belt! I AM MEXICAN. So then I'm like, "Yeah, my mom is spanish and my dad is mexican so i'm a good mix of hispanic. I just don't speak spanish. My parents never taught me spanish, and i never cared to learn it. all of my friends throughout school all spoke english. I took 3 years of spanish in high school. but the first year i took it, there was an emergency for my teacher and she left, and the rest of the semester was spent with a slew of substitutes. And my 2nd year in spanish, none of my classmates really cared about the class, so i didn't either. And since i didn't remember much, i just skimmed through my 3rd year and got by. But the only thing i could say now is: Donde esta el bano?" and it might sound really white when i say it."

they look so sad after that. and then they're like, "but you're so pretty." or "well at least you're beautiful"

like somehow my worth as a human being sinks because i'm a mexican who doesn't speak spanish! oh man!

Them saying that I'm beautiful and pretty should make me feel really grateful and good about myself, but somehow the look of disappointment over the fact that i'm apparently "untrue" to my heritage overshadows that.

Truth be told, I think it's dumb that I'm viewed as less of a person based on the fact that i don't measure up to silly social stereotypes.

so here i am, the beautiful letdown.. comfortable in my own skin and sad that others can't readily accept me as i am. :)

1 comment:

kathie said...

That's okay Amanda...I get that all the time, too....so does my Dad...that's right my Dad....we speak "Spanglish" just enough to order at a restaurant:)

The only fluent one in our fam is my Mom:)