Forever Young

portrait of a young artist

Yesterday was Vanessa's first day of Kindergarten! I still don't have any pictures of her from yesterday or today, but I got to listen to her on the phone last night go into great detail about her class, her new friends, what she wore, and how excited she was to have a princess backpack.

Her favorite thing to do in class is draw pictures. I asked her what she drew and she said, "The park and the sunshine and the grass and me and mommy and daddy and Annabelle. And the sky. . . and . . . other stuff I can't remember." I said I was proud of her and I encouraged her, "Listen babe, no matter what anyone says, you draw whatever is in your imagination, okay?" She excitedly replied, "Okay!" It's fun being an aunt and watching this little girl grow up knowing she can take on the world!

It's so crazy to grasp the fact that she's already in Kindergarten. I rest easier knowing she LOVES school and loves making friends. She told me about some of her classmates and why she likes them and how she is happy to have "more new" friends. It's comforting to know that just as much as she is into more solitude-centric arts, she is also a wild child with lots of love to share with others.

One exciting thing I'm working towards and saving up for is to pay for an airline ticket for one of my family members and Vanessa to fly up to Seattle to visit next summer! She's growing so much and I would love for her to experience the "world outside," even as a little girl. I live for the moments where I can share my world with her. One of my favorite things I share with her is a little phrase I taught her when she was younger. I would scoop her up in my arms, hold her close and say, "Look, I'm holding you like a baby!" And every time I see her and spend time with her, it warms my heart to see her smile and exclaim, "Aunt Manda, hold me like a baby!" And I do, and we share a close, warm moment together and time seems to stop altogether. I know it won't last long, but I hope she grows up knowing she can come to me at any point in her life and I will hold her "like a baby."

I can't wait to see what this little miss grows up to be!

Easter, 2010

Waiting For Superman

I think about where I am now in my life and the quality education I received that propelled me to it. I feel that from elementary schools to colleges and technical schools, the quality is just declining. I know it sounds a bit out of place, coming from someone who never actually attended college—but I've heard real stories about real students at real schools. The fact of the matter is that our society as a whole is encroaching upon a full-blown standard of entitlement. Children expect to have the newest technology and hottest fashion gear. They are turning to expensive gadgets and botox and YouTube fame to define themselves. Young adults expect the working world to hire them based on their "cool factor" as opposed to legitimate knowledge and experience. Having worked at a school where academics were touted as being valued, meanwhile a quality education for them to even be able to write complete paragraphs was absent, caused me to challenge myself as an educator. And older adults expect those younger than them to stop advancing and growing. They want to continue to be respected as being wiser and more-experienced, meanwhile refusing to learn new ways of doing things.

I know it will sound silly to you that I say this (or maybe it won't), but I think about the education system often. Mainly because I think of my niece every day. She is currently growing up in an area of the city where education is not valued as much as a quick dollar is. Most children who attend Vanessa's school, will not graduate. The streets, the culture, and the apathy invading her neighborhood will give her a slim-to-none chance to graduate high school much less pursue a successful career. And if those factors weren't enough, the logistics of the school systems are the big kicker. Schools are financed in part by the taxes of the area the school is in, which means that lower income areas (which hers is), pay less in taxes, so their schools get less money. That means less resources and underfunded staff, which results in a devil-may-care attitude school-wide. I do, however, have hope for her and for the kids in her school to push past the stigmas of society and the cycle of living in a low-income area, to actually succeed. I know it's possible.

I grew up in an apartment near the Rundberg area of Austin. Most called it "The Burg." The Rundberg area (and East Austin) had been known by the city as a high-crime sector with a high-dropout-rate when I was younger. Growing up, our apartment complex looked great on the inside. It had some semblance of a backyard (which was actually just a high-fenced porch) for each apartment and there was a pool for the kids in the apartment—although most of the time we were at the pool, we were admiring all the tattoos that the neighborhood kids were giving each other with burnt needles and ink. Most of my evenings were spent on our back porch with my brother and his friends who would experiment with drugs and pyromania. Our neighbors were dealers, porn distributors, and working girls. Most people will ask me why I don't like guns, and the truth is, "right and wrong gun shots sound the same." Our neighborhood was constantly patrolled by cop cars and it wasn't out of the ordinary to have neighbor kids come over because their parents weren't home—my sibs and I grew up latch-key kids ourselves. I'm not saying that if that happens, kids will be messed up—the rest of the story gets better.

We were lucky enough to be able to use an alternate address to get into the zones of better schools. I got to attend some really great schools. When I was a kid I went to Brentwood Elementary and I was given a QUALITY education. My teachers taught me to treasure music, arts, and the written word. I fought to have my recess time be spent completely in the library learning about the Underground Railroad, and the Titanic, and the Holocaust. I loved every minute of class time because I was learning, I was imagining more and more things, I was able to approach my teachers if I had a question and I knew they'd be ready to answer with a gracious tone. I LOVED being a Brentwood Bulldog!

When it came time to decide on what middle school to go to, I was given the option. I could either go to Burnet Middle School or Lamar Middle School. I had been to Burnet Middle School before for one of my brother's basketball games and knew that it was going to be one of my options in the future. It was shortly after the time that the Yogurt Shop murders happened. During his game, I took a walk around the school area and I remember seeing the memorial headstone structure for one of the victims in the courtyard. All I could think was, "Why would I want to go here?" So I didn't. When it came time to choose, I chose to go to Lamar Middle School. While I was there, I participated in Pep Squad and took classes in Theater, Video Production, and Choir. These classes are a pretty major part of my education and who I am today.

The school that Lamar "fed" into was McCallum High School. I was once again given a choice by my mom to pick which school I wanted to go to—McCallum, or Lanier (which we lived 5 blocks away from). Again, when I was younger, Lanier did not have a good rep. It was known as a school for less fortunate students. Kids I knew that attended Lanier spent the majority of their time in gangs and working the streets to get extra money for food for their families. I chose to go to McCallum—partially because I'd known people who had gone there, also because both my parents had graduated from there, and because it was the Fine Arts Academy in the AISD system and I wanted to be a part of that (and I was)! I got to participate in Theater, Tech Theater, Songwriting, Colorguard, and Winterguard. I got to travel with our band to Disney World and Hawaii to march at Epcot, and to New York City to play Carnegie Hall. I got to experience the world on an entirely different level.

I realize that no matter what school you send your kids to (whether you homeschool or not), the effectiveness depends on your student's resilience to the peer environment, their desire to learn, parent interaction, and the quality of education they are receiving. Most reading this have seen To Sir With Love, Dangerous Minds, Freedom Writers, or at the very least, Take The Lead, so you KNOW it's possible for the "less fortunate" kids to have teachers in their life who DO make a difference. But after watching the trailer for the documentary Waiting For Superman and hearing stories from friends who are teachers, it leaves me distraught about our current education system but also renews the hope in me that a brighter future for kids is possible.

As I hear stories of Vanessa growing up, I can't help but want the best for her. I realize that having her live through my same experiences may not be the best thing for her, but the opportunity for her to challenge her mind and to grow in her talents is. As a supporter of quality education and as a believer that there are still ways that we can get involved in joining with local schools to improve a child's educational experience, I would encourage you to go see this movie. I rarely watch documentaries, but this is one I could not avoid if someone held me at gunpoint . . . okay well maybe that's a bit extreme, but I'm definitely going to see it!

For more information on Waiting For Superman and the Take Action campaign and how you can help locally, check out: http://www.waitingforsuperman.com/

Wonder

More updates from my trip back home!

Okay so here are more beach pictures and a fun story to go with them. :D

To begin, I must confess, I am known by my family as the aunt who spoils my niece, Vanessa, rotten. I do. Ever since she was a baby she had me wrapped around her little fingers. I bought her so much stuff and every time I babysat her, we went shopping together. We've made about 4 Build-A-Bear bears together. She says, "I want that." and I say, "Here, have TWO!" I am the bad aunt. I always give her fun toys and sweet treats . . . when you're 'love language' is gifts . . . it can be a scary battlefield to trot. I am slowly learning to draw lines in right places. I kind of picked up on my treacherous training when I was last at home. I went to go see her and she says, "Are you going to take me shopping and get me a lot of cool new toys? Are we going to get new clothes? Let's go!!"

Oy Vey—the monster I've created. So now I'm moving toward teaching her limits and choices when it comes to gifts. After she said that, I took her shopping, but I told her she could only get 2 things. She kept begging for like 8 different things, but I only let her have 2 and I told her she had to choose, that way when all was said and done, it was her choice. I, too, am learning.

So one of my favorite things is that she now knows that when I come home, I'm going to bring her books . . . and she LOVES to read! And that makes me way happy! In fact, I was on the phone the other day with my mom and she was telling me how much like me Vanessa is. She told me how Vanessa likes to read and draw and will just spend lots of time sitting by herself with a nose in a book, consumed. She loves stories and she loves being adventurous. And that also makes me happy :D Last time I visited, I bought her Where The Wild Things Are, which was one of my favorite books as a kid. My mom says that she requests to read that book the most! So this time I brought her home another one of my favorites, Knots On A Counting Rope. She was really excited to get new books :D

On Saturday night at the hotel, I had one of the best conversations with Vanessa. I talked with her about giving to others and about loving people no matter what they look/sound/act like. I also told her an important secret: "You don't always have to do what adults tell you to do." I explained to her that one day there will be something she will really love to do and there will be people who tell her she shouldn't do it, and I reiterated—"You don't always have to do what adults tell you to do." Most would think this is a terrible thing to tell a kid. But she's got a good head on her shoulders. She has a good heart and I am trusting and believing that as she grows, she will learn to test and set limits based on her own judgement and not define her life solely based on what others say or do. I never want her to lose sight of her dreams that she will want to chase as she grows into an amazing little lady.

Shortly after that, she and I had a FUN pillow fight and we were both jumping on the hotel beds and hitting each other with pillows and tackling one another. It was the BEST EVER!! :D I love spending time with her and I know that the things I teach her, she will pass on to her baby sister, who she and I absolutely adore! :D

With that, here are more fun pictures from the beach:

Vanessa was trying to wash the dirt off of the jellyfish
(dont' worry, we made sure she didn't touch the jellyfish)

The family all gathered around chillaxin' at the beach

A cute pic of my sister and my niece, Annabelle

My sister doing a jello shot . . . i don't think she has decided whether she likes it or not. This is going in my weird family face collection . . . the fact that I even have such a collection says something about my family ;) PS: most of the pics in that collection are of me. :O

Vanessa's cousin Sable after Vanessa & Major buried her in the sand

Vanessa & her cousin Major playing in the sand

Vanessa was so intrigued by the fish. She loves their bright colors and she kept pointing to the clownfish, automatically naming him Nemo. ;)

You I Wind Land And Sea

Proof that I still play with my food. :D

I'm so sorry I've been MIA for the past few days, but this vacation was truly jam packed! I was having WAY too much fun hanging out with my friends and family live and in person!! woo hoo! I didn't have much time for any tumblr or blogspot updates! So, to hold you over until my mega update/adventure post tomorrow, here are a couple of pictures I took (more will be added tomorrow and in the following days) and a video that I took from the reunion! Primarily, these are of the grandkids (not my grandkids, duh, just in general they are grandkids). I love capturing their fun interactions on camera. I hope they never outgrow it.

Sable, Major, & Vanessa creating castles and other fantastic things.

Annabelle playing with a fun learning toy

Sweet dreams for my two princesses—i love my nieces!

Every year for our family reunion, we make family t-shirts. My mom's side of the family is the Arroyo family. They asked me to make the design for the shirts this year with simple guidelines: it has to have the family name on it and it has to have the UT Longhorns logo on it. Since my family is heavily involved in sports, primarily baseball, I made our shirts resemble baseball shirts, with a complete "team roster" on the back of the shirt! The kelley green with white lettering shirts were for the adults/older grandkids and the white shirts with the green lettering were for the smaller grandkids who couldn't fit into the bigger sizes. They all liked them a lot! :D

And here is a video that will probably be shown to their respective boy/girlfriends when they get older, to show just "what cute kids" they were ;)

Major and Vanessa spaz dancing! :D

Brick By Boring Brick

For the record, i disgust myself with the lack of bloggage (ew . . . what a terrible word).

Alas, I am here! I am still alive! Wheee! (and there was much rejoicing)

Things have been super busy lately . . . no lie!

It's officially 10 days until I embark on the 3 day journey back to Austin for Christmas!! I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am to see my family—they are COMPLETELY worth every single crazy encounter I might have on that bus!

A lot of people are a bit concerned that I'm riding greyhound, but I see it as an opportunity :D It's an opportunity for me to sleep (which i REALLY need) and to write (which i REALLY need to do)!

I've been really excited about some of the songs that I've written lately and the melodies that keep me company while I do. Here is a snippet of some lyrics I've written lately about a friend of mine who has been going through some stuff lately:

and I will do the unthinkable
oh I will feed this chameleon.
I'll be whatever you want me to be
but when I get lost don't come after me
you might lose yourself between the thorns
I'm gone
and I've never missed me more

I haven't recorded it in Garage Band yet, but the story is really teaching me a lot personally.

In other news, tomorrow I get to be part of an AMAZING movement! It's called Help-Portrait and we're going to be taking pictures of people at a housing project in Lake City and I'm SOOO excited! I'll be sure to post pics here tomorrow! :D

PS: I called my niece on her birthday a few days ago and she said the cutest thing:

"It's my birthday, but don't tell anyone, okay."

They were having a family only party and they're gonna have her main party in January as a double party with her sister, Annabelle. I guess she doesn't want anyone to know they weren't invited to the family party ;) too cute!

Better Days

My day was totally made yesterday. It was made happy. It was made sad. It was made sweet. My mom called me after work yesterday because my 4-year-old niece, Vanessa, wanted to talk to me!

Our conversation went something like this:

Vanessa: Hey Manda!

Me: Hey babycakes! (that's my nickname for her)

V: I wanted to sing you a song..

Me: Well I'd love to hear it!

V: Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star . . . (she sings me a variation of the song that I'd never heard before)

Me: Yay! Did you learn that at school?

V: Yeah. We sang it in school today. I don't remember all the words though.

Me: That's okay. I'm so proud of you. You're such a big girl.

V: Well I'm a little bigger girl. I'm still only four years old.

Me: You're right. Did you have fun in school today?

V: Yeah. I made new friends.

Me: Oh really? Who are your new friends?

(she tells me the names of her new friends)

Me: Wow. That's cool. Did you get to play with them during recess?

V: No. It was raining so we couldn't play outside. But we played inside.

Me: That's great!

V: Manda, I want you come back to where you were.

Me: Where I was? You mean to Austin?

V: Yeah. I want you come back. You're too far away.

Me: Well . . .I know. I know. But I live here now. But I'll get to come see you at Christmas time and we can hang out together then. Is that okay?

V: You're too far away.

Me: I know that baby, but I'll get to see you soon enough. And I promise we'll spend a lot of time together.

V: I love you Manda.

Me: I love you too babycakes.

V: Do you want to talk to Annabelle?

(Annabelle is Vanessa's 7 1/2 month old baby sister)

Me: Of course I do! I love you babe.

V: I love you too!

Then I got to listen as my mom and Vanessa tried to tickle Annabelle so I could hear her laughing. In the background I hear Vanessa: "Come on Annabelle. You can do it. Tickle Tickle. Talk so Aunt Manda can hear you."

It was bittersweet. Oh how I can't wait to see them again. It's always tough dealing with the long distance. But I know that when I see them again, it will be so worthwhile. :D

Bella's Lullaby

I'm so excited to be an aunt again!!! Anabelle Yvette Bautista was born Tuesday, January 13th around 10 p.m. weighing 8 pounds, 4 ounces! When Vanessa was born, I chose a song that I would sing to her as a type of lullaby. It would be a song I would sing to her when she was sleeping, and when she was crying, and that when she got older I would sing to her as well. Vanessa's song was "I'M YOUR ANGEL" by R.Kelly and Celine Dione. Yesterday at Olive Garden, I was holding Anabelle and I picked out her song and I kept her sleeping soundly. My sister was amazed that Anabelle was sleeping in my arms. The song I chose for her was "FOR YOU I WILL" by Monica. I've included the songs below so you can hear them. :D I love my angel girlies! :D they're the best!

And no, you're not hallucinating...they are REALLY cheesy songs...but they're sweet :D

Anabelle's Lullaby


Vanessa's Lullaby

R.Kelly ft Céline Dion - I'm your angel
by deejoe

She Will Be Loved

So today I went out shopping and got some cute new clothes for my new baby niece, who should be making her grand entrance on Tuesday! Old Navy was having an AWESOME sale and I got tons of cute stuff for both the girls for cheap. I didn't get as much for Vanessa cause I'm taking her shopping when I get home. But Annabelle...she scored big time!! :D Here's some of the cute stuff I got her:

So I'm really anxious to see the new little addition to the fam! I remember when Vanessa was born, it was love at first sight! And it was so crazy in the delivery room too! My mom had been the one taking my sister to the doctors so she was, in essence, her "coach" but when it came time to actually have the baby in the hospital...my mom FROZE and like went to go sit down cause she was so frantic and out of it and just overwhelmed, so I ended up being the one to hold my sister's hand and hold her legs and talk her through everything when she was pushing. So I can't wait to see what it's like this time! ha!

My trip home couldn't be more perfect! Originally she wasn't due until the 20th, but the doctors are inducing her Monday night, and I am taking the red eye out of Seattle on Monday morning, so I'll be there Monday afternoon...and Kelley Rowe is picking me up and then we're gonna hang for a while until it's time to head to the hospital! :D And I'll stay all night with my sister at the hospital and then be there for Annabelle's grand entrance! I can't wait!! I just want to hold and hug her and kiss her already!! :D

I Want To Be Small

Today my mom called me because my niece, Vanessa wanted to talk to me! A lot of times I talk to Vanessa and I don't understand some of what she's saying. Partially because of poor reception with the phone, and even more because she's 4 and doesn't say every word properly, or says it but doesn't know how to phrase it so I can understand.

But as I was talking to her today, this is what she told me:

"Manda (that's what she calls me), today I went to the store and I got to see Santa Claus! I got to talk to Santa and I was telling him what I wanted for Christmas. I was telling him about the Little Pet Shop Toys I wanted and the barbie I wanted and the Dora doll I wanted and the Princess stuff I wanted and I was so happy to see Santa. But But But But...Santa didn't listen to me. And he didn't want to talk to me. And I kept telling him what I wanted and he didn't talk back to me."

You can imagine my confusion at this ridiculous Mall Santa Claus not doing his job...or department store Santa thinking he's so above his holiday job! But then later I talked to my mom, and here's what SHE told me:

"Oh well, I took Vanessa Girl (what my mom calls her) to the store with me today and she saw Santa Claus. And she was talking to the Santa Claus."

To which I interjected: "Yeah I know, she said he wouldn't talk to her"

And then she goes,

"Oh yeah, that's because it was an inflatable Santa that you put in the front yard. But she just kept talking to it and it just kept standing there. But she was really excited to see the Santa."

THEN I BUSTED OUT LAUGHING!!

And my mom was like, "What's so funny?" (she really didn't know???!!!??)

And I told her:

"I'm sorry, I'm just totally picturing her standing there talking to this Santa and getting so frustrated because this 'figure' associated with Christmas won't give her the time of day! Ha Ha Ha! She was so upset when she was telling me about it earlier and I couldn't figure out what she was talking about! Now it's just cute...because she totally expected it to be real! She's so young and so free of any barriers that would keep her from seeing the world through a grown-up's eyes!"

And my mom agreed and said she'd never thought of it that way.

But man, it was just so great for me to have experienced that story! I was like, man... She must have been so upset! She just wants to tell Santa what toys to get her for Christmas and has so many expectations of the world around her, that nothing has popped in her mind to say "oh that doesn't exist" "oh you're just being a child- that's not real" And for some reason, it just made me smile all day! :D

Then I had the chorus to this song stuck in my head for a few hours as I kept thinking about the situation:

blog lady

k, so there's this chick, we'll call her BLOG LADY and she's one of the most ridiculous ranters I know of. So i stumbled upon her blog and read this post about chicks having babies. Here's what she wrote:

How big is big?
"Total fertility rate" (TFR) is the expected number of children born per woman in her child-bearing years. At the ripe old age of 29, I am currently somewhere between Djibouti and Guatemala. Hopefully, in just a few months I will move up several ranks to the levels of Eritrea. Niger tops the list with a TFR of 7.19, which does not seem that far off for me. I love to be #1 and have every intention of making it there!

The U.S. Census Bureau's latest figures, for 2002, reveal that 0.3 percent of women ages 15 to 44 have given birth to seven or more children. Moreover, the number of U.S. women birthing seven or more children has declined steadily since the government began tracking the demographic in 1976. I read an interesting statistic today that families who pick Biblical names for their children have more children than families who pick non-Bible names.

It is interesting to note that in the UN figures below, the TFR for the world in general is only 2.55. Not that I believe the "the world is overpopulated" talk in the first place, but even just to maintain the current level we would need a worldwide replacement fertility rate of 2.33 children per woman (the replacement fertility rate is roughly 2.1 births per woman for most industrialized countries but ranges from 2.5 to 3.3 in developing countries because of higher mortality rates). At this rate, global population growth would trend towards zero. So all these doom and gloom predictions on how we will soon be standing shoulder to shoulder don't add up even with the UN figures, which if anything would be skewed in favor of their agenda (reduction of population).

I understand that, unfortunately, there are many women who wish they could have children, or who wish they could have more. It is not my intention to make them feel bad or inferior. Being infertile is a physical disability and I feel bad for anyone affected. But I cannot for the life of me understand why a perfectly healthy, married woman would act as if adding another child would just be such a burden. I have yet to hear a reason not to have kids that is not motivated by selfish reasons. Is having a baby really that much worse than getting to spend more money at the mall, more time playing and vacationing, more hours in front of the TV, and less time working and cleaning?

So in response to her blog- the ending manly- this is what I wrote:

think it's fab that you have some amazing kids, but i don't necessarily agree with you on all points in this blog. You say that it's wrong for people to think of children as a burden, and where I believe that ALL children are a blessing, I do not think it's out of the question for new parents to be to have genuine doubts and concerns for the future of their children. On a personal note, my sister is fertile and is having baby #2 but i kinda see it as a burden because she doesn't live in a healthy environment, can barely take care of one kid responsibly and doesn't have a plan to effectively raise baby #2. She and her boyfriend work at jack in the box, and my neice, who has captured my heart over and above suffers all the time because of it. But she didn't finish high school and she has made poor choices. And i have genuine concern for her in having baby #2. I won't despise the baby, i will love it unconditionally forever and a day, but there is legitimate concern as to the success of the baby's future in such an environment. and we come from a poor family, so helping them out financially will mean that we will fail to maintain our own means of living. But we give her love and time and offer to help where we can. I just think that it's easy for you to pass judgement on other moms to be when you live in a nice house, have money to do stuff, and all that, while others are living different lives. just a thought. and for the record, i totally think that you should adopt and have more biological kiddos. because apparently you are super mom and can make the world go round, while those of us who worry are just losers. (note sarcasm)

To which she replied:

Amanda,

I agree that your sister should not be expecting her second baby, in fact I think she should have never gotten pregnant the first time because she is not married. I am not saying that she should have aborted either child, I am saying she should not be fornicating and getting into this situation in the first place. When you disobey God you can hope he will be merciful, but you can't blame anyone when your life turns out less than what you hoped it would be.

We got married and then got pregnant, and were VERY poor at the time. But we did it by faith, and God blessed. We were just as poor when baby #2 was on the way. While we certainly live a comfortable life-style now it is due to the fact that my husband works 70+ hours each week, and I spend countless hours shopping for the best deals on everything.

I don't remember saying I was supermom. In fact, there are many posts on this blog that show my shortcomings. Nor did I say you have to be perfect to be a parent. I don't worry because the Bible commands us to cast all our cares upon God, and because He has always been more than able to sustain us so far. It's called living by faith, and is actually quite liberating.

granted she does have a TON of shortcomings- but mainly in the crap that she spews out on her blog. but in all the posts, she talks about how genius she is and how genius her KJV home-schooled kids are... but for the record- i am in NO WAY ashamed that my sister had Vanessa! How could ANYONE ever regret having an angel like this in the world??