New Fang

^ You see these guys?? ^

They live at the mall . . . in the kiosk aisle . . . and I'm deathly afraid of them! You know, they're the kiosk workers who are like super aggressive about you trying their awesome nail buffer stuff on one hand, leaving you to walk around like a dork with one hand buffed and the other clearly not, just so you can buy their product, which you can get cheaper elsewhere—yeah, them.

Look, I get that our society is one of give and take, and I'm all about helping re-stimulate the economy, really I am. I am not however, all about being hounded to buy a Sprint phone when I already have a T—Mobile phone that I pay zilch for. I politely say no, and they're like, "Let me show you 900 ways that our phone is better than your current one." And then I pass the Verizon kiosk and they have 901 ways that their phone is better than mine. What they don't seem to understand is that NO THANK YOU means "Heck no, with a cherry on top."

The only reason I don't like going to the mall alone is because of the kiosk vultures. They're there, they're aggressive, and they're not taking NO for an answer . . . which sucks, cause it's the only one I have for them. I don't need Proactiv. I don't need hair extensions. I don't need Foakleys. I don't need a train set. I don't need a calendar of Robert Pattinson . . . wait. strike that. i DO need that . . . but anyway. The point still stands—they're ruthless!

It is so bad for me. I seriously look at them, and I see them as vultures, gritting their beaks in anticipation, honing in for the kill. And I get this overwhelming urge to run through the middle aisle of the mall and hide in Abercrombie, where the strong near-nakie models will protect me with their overwhelming Abercrombie Suntan Stench. Instead, I call up friends and/or family members and talk to them while I briskly walk by, avoiding contact with the beasts of burden staring me down. I hold conversation until I'm in the clear zone, near the less intrusive kiosks . . . you know, like the Ugg Boots kiosk and the Hair Club for Men kiosk—they're harmless.

Maybe one day I'll overcome this fear, but in the meantime, I've got you on speed dial! ;)

You Keep Me Warm

No really, Texas kept me warm during my vacation. . . 105+ degrees warm, to be exact. Whew! I gotta admit, it does feel quite awesome to be back in a cooler climate.

I had an AMAZING time in Austin! I got to bring Jessica and Christiaan with me and I loved sharing my life and friends and family with them! :D

It was a very emotional weekend—laughing at all the funny memories, crying because we all knew MCA was coming to an end, frustration because I seem to lose things left and right, warmth from seeing my family and friends, and a wide range of other emotions caused by the combination of lack of sleep + lots of coffee + busy schedule. But I'm so glad I got to experience everything :D

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my friend Rich about this big bittersweet weekend and I go, "You know, nothing like a funeral to bring the family together again." It really was so awesome to reconnect and to hear about how my fellow alums are doing. They have all played such a special role in my life and I am going to work super hard to keep in contact with them all. They mean so much to me! So to all my MCA Alums, thank you so much for keeping my heart warm all those years—I'm gonna try to get out to see all of you! :D In the meantime, utilize Facebook, Myspace and Twitter :D

Here are some pics from my time in Austin:

This lady was sleeping all the way through the graduation—hilarious! :D

I know that normally one wouldn't post a picture of a baby crying, but I ADORE these two angels (my nieces) and it just reminds me how different they are in all their adorableness! Because Vanessa couldn't be more go with the flow and Annabelle gets kinda finnicky. . . I LOVE their little personalities! :D I heart these little ladies! :D

Leslie, Austin's famous cross-dresser who ran for mayor one year :D

Strange World

I think all of my understanding of extreme hatred has just been completely revamped. What happened at the Holocaust Museum is sick. Seriously sick.

For those who did not get a chance to read the news report here it is:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090611/ap_on_re_us/us_holocaust_museum_shooting

I really just cannot believe...of all the places to shoot at someone. The Holocaust Museum.

I am Mexican-American, but I was born in Germany and ever since I was a kiddo in Elementary School, I have done research upon research on the Holocaust. It is one of the things that intrigues me the most—discovering what happened, hearing stories, and being challenged to create a culture in my life where that doesn't happen again. So when I read the report about it, my heart sank and I was near tears. I mean, have those victims not been through enough? And finally they have a place to share their voices? I've been to D.C. 3 times and every time, I make a point to visit the Holocaust Museum and in the Great Hall of Rememberance at the end, I get so choked up as I offer up prayers for people who have family members who have ever had to go through that. I especially take extra time to pray for those who have had family members endure life at the Dachau and Flossenbürg concentration camps, which are the closest to where I was born, in Nuremberg.

Our nation is seriously messed up. I mean, this isn't a new development, but SERIOUSLY? That's like epic wrong and I can't help but feel pain and sorrow for everyone involved. For the victims, and for the gunman, who is seriously lacking in compassion, understanding, and all common sense.

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It actually reminds me of a quote from ONE TREE HILL where the main character, Lucas Scott says:

Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us that we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some would be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows. Swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?

Legacy

So by now, my home church, GTaustin has announced that as of June 28th, Master's Commission of Austin will shut it's doors and will not be running anymore.

I must admit, I found out about it two Thursdays ago, and I'm still dealing with so many emotions. At first I was ardently angry. Then I was overwhelmingly sad—8 years of history was coming to a halt. I had to come to the realization that I would not be going to any more MCA Graduations, I would not be going to any more Alumni Retreats... I wouldn't be able to talk to students who were having a hard time going through A LONG DAY (see below), sharing stories and encouragement with them. Then I felt like I was misplaced. I felt confusion...why? really? could this really be happening? Then I felt shame...that I was taking this so hard... it's so hard letting go. And then after long talks with a few people, I was able to find some sense of balance and understanding. I still feel like crying sometimes. But it's not in my hands. It never was. Now I realize that from here on out, the connections I've made (and will try with everything I am to maintain) and the memories will help me keep things in perspective.
And though I'm sure there will be some growing apart... busy people...busy lives... I know that the memories and more importantly the lifestyle will always be a part of who I am.
For those of you who don't much about my history or about Master's Commission, it is a 9 month hands-on ministry training school...so think like bible school mixed in with an internship at a church. There's really a lot more that goes into it, but for now we'll leave it at that. So, I went to school at Master's Commission of Austin as a student for 3 years right after high school graduation (2000) and after my 3rd year, my original director transitioned out and moved to Louisiana to start MC Industries—another Master's Commission program in Broussard, Louisiana. While most of my fellow classmates chose to go to MC Industries as well, I felt in my heart that I needed to stay in Austin and serve the new director and help him and his wife in any capacity I could, in accordance to all the things I learned as a student. I then joined the support staff of Master's Commission of Austin under a new regime as the MCA Media Director. After my year on support staff, I joined the full time staff for 4 years and in the summer of 2008, I stepped out of my position and life there to pursue my dreams here in Seattle, WA. I got the call two weeks ago that there was going to be a transition—after Graduation this June, there will no longer be a Master's Commission of Austin. The director and his wife are moving back to Rockford, Illinois to step into a new passion (not that the old one is less than, it's just time for the transition). Having had to say goodbye to MCA before, I know it's gonna be tough on them, on each and every student, and on the home church that has relied so heavily on MCA in the past. The sad times will come, the confusing times will come, but more importantly, the building times will come. It's bittersweet, really it is. But I pray that they will continue to live in the resolution as well. :D

So to reflect on the good ol' times, I thought I might share a list of 10 of my favorite things/memories from my 8 years in Master's Commission of Austin. And yes, I know that it will make this post crazy long, but since this blog is about my life in my words, and MCA is such a HUGE part of it, I think it's worth it. ;)

1. DISCOVERING MY BEST EVER FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

Sarah (Warner) Noble has been such a major part of my life since day one. The day I stepped into the big dorm and got settled, and met Sarah... my life changed. Here was one person who was able to show on the outside what I felt on the inside. Over the years, our friendship has only blossomed more and more. My first year for Christmas break, she invited me to come home with her and share in her family's holiday traditions...that Christmas I learned so much about TRUE FAMILY, true friendship and how to grow up in so many areas of my life. And ever since, her family has considered me a part of their family...always. :D She was with me through everything... travel trips, holidays, Coram Deos, credentialing, transitioning directors, transitioning to Seattle, and even last week when all this hit... i KNEW who to call. I knew that she would help me work through things. She is one of my biggest gifts ever in life. Had I never been a part of MCA... I would have never met her... and my life would not be full of as much LIFE as it is now. So many of my memories from MCA involve Sarah.

2. SRMC RETREATS

the SRMC is the South Regional Master's Commission programs of the US. Since my first year, I've been going to SRMC retreats (except for the 1st year after the director transition) and every year I have been so refreshed and revived. The biggest one for me was my 2nd year when Pastor Greg Phipps spoke on Initiating the Romance...life. changing. And every time I hear the song "THE BIGGEST PART OF ME" I remember the message he spoke and I'm humbled all over again. The retreats were also a time where I could reconnect with my friends along the way. I love that when I first became a part of MCA my director instilled in me the priority of building relationships outside of our little MCA bubble... I made some of the best friends with people from other programs and I still to this day stay in touch with them.

3. MY ORIGINAL CLASS (2000-2003)


These people are without a doubt the most amazing, real, and beautiful people I know. These people have helped to shape me so much through the years. We've had our ups and our downs and our everything else's. We've been through A LOT together... and we've been there FOR each other through it. Class hangouts were always so fun... and to any of my class members who are reading this... I just gotta say:
- Beer and pizza... all the way
- Escuda MC lives on
- Spanglios
- My head hurt dawg
- FireworkStands/FlowerStands... and of course. the cookouts at the Potts' house!

4. DISCOVERING MY PASSIONS

to teach, to work with junior high students, to rise up to the challenge to love 'the tough cases,' to be a listening ear, to be different (in a good way), to be a true friend, to help others along the way. Everything I do now, I learned from MCA. From the way I clean to the way I socialize with people.
MCA is the place where I first discovered my love for the people of Seattle.

5. MY FIRST EVER MEDIA TEAM


Dustin, Grace and Chad...times spent with these guys and gal in MCA will always be a large part of my memories in MCA. From late late late nights in the print room. From brainstorming sessions. From Tracks and from lots of interoffice drama... we've always been an amazing team. They've taught me a lot and they've pioneered a lot of the standards and grace that has developed in all the teams that followed. To you I say:
- She's...Catholic
- House of Fear...'nuff said
- Grace cutting GT20 flyers with Dustin's face on them
- Pen wars
- Track wars
- Thankyousomuchforallthatyou'vegivenandallthatyouare.

6. RICH WOLTER

He deserves his own bullet point. This guy is just hilarious. Anytime I've been around him, I've done nothing but laugh so hard. At first we didn't get along (story of my life), but through the time we've known each other, he has been a strong pillar for me. I remember the time he tried to do EVERYTHING imaginable to break a Nalgene bottle...ran over it with a car, beat it with a baseball bat, then finally taking a saw to it... and when he took it back to the store, they asked him what happened to it.. and his response was: "oh. it fell off the counter." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! He's the first one to introduce me to the hilarity that is Dane Cook and taught me that there is such a thing as "the magic touch"...i mean really...getting a laptop fixed for free after taking a baseball bat to it...really?? really?? ;)

7. FAMILY DAYS


During my time as a student, family days were a time to have fun without the 'daily grind' and a time to celebrate birthdays. They were always so fun and enjoyable! My favorite family day though, had to be during my first year on support staff... we did this dinner and a murder mystery thing and I was the murderer...and the guy that i was supposed to marry was the character played by my new director... and I felt COMPLETELY awkward...cause I didn't really know him very well...and all night he was like in character being all sly and romantical...and I kept having panic attacks and avoiding him every time he came near me...i must've seemed completely outta my mind! and the whole night he kept calling my character's name: REBECCA! and I kept running away! but at the end of the night, I still got away with murder. ;)

8. ROAD TRIPS


My favorite part of MCA was traveling... I've seen so much, been to so many awesome places thanks to MCA. My two favorite trips were the East Coast Tour with my first director and then the MCA Road Rules Trip my 1st year on Support Staff.
The East Coast Tour was so much fun and I got to meet some amazing new people, plus hang out with Three Nails Short (a band that toured with us), and got to meet up with my best friend and have some great times hitting up tourist spots along the way.
MCA Road Rules was another great time...trying to beat out 2 other teams for a prize..and earning points for going to different landmarks along the way from Austin, TX to Phoenix, AZ. Getting to (A) see the Grand Canyon and (B) convince everyone that we actually got a helicopter ride to the bottom of it...was amazing!
9. A LONG DAY

Well, seeing as how it no longer needs to be kept a secret, A LONG DAY is something that was initiated by the new director. It is based off of Navy Seals training, where they go through intense training. They have some weeks of training and then what they call A LONG DAY...because it's a day that spans over many days...but they don't get to sleep so it seems like one long day. It's meant to push limits and build team skills and camaraderie. Being on the staff side was different, but I still got a lot out of each year's A.L.D. as much as the students did. I loved being able to talk with students during A.L.D. because it gave me so many teachable moments with them and it challenged me to see life through different eyes. To every MCA student who has gone through A Long Day...it's over. ;)
10. BEING ON STAFF


Being on staff with MCA taught me so much. It taught me how to challenge myself. It taught me grace and wisdom and patience and so many other things. Staff hangouts were so much fun. I loved being part of such an amazing team! One funny memory from staff hangouts was when we were at Carrie Sealy's apartment and we were playing Rock Band and it in the middle of playing, I farted. really loud. And let me just tell you...I had tried SO HARD to keep in all of my farts from the staff...REALLY HARD. So the moment it happened, I partly hoped they would ignore it...but it was so loud...and Pastor Dan (the 2nd director) laughed so hard!! I was completely mortified...but now I can only look back and laugh :D

June 28th, 2009 will mark the end of the MCA Legacy as it's been known. But I know that the legacy will live on in each alumni (for good and bad). So what happens next, after the doors are shut? I dunno. But one things for sure, the memories won't die. In my life, the standards won't die. And to all the alumni—please make an effort to stay connected! This isn't the end of the world by any means, but it is a challenge to stay connected more than ever before. We need each other, whether we're willing to admit it or not. :D

There's really so much more I could say, but I'll leave it here for now. :D Feel free to comment (as always...no censorship)

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Art In Me

So a few days ago, I blogged about how Jack's Mannequin was accepting artwork from fans to use in their upcoming music video for their song SWIM (see post here).

Jack's Mannequin songs have been such an inspiration to me at various points in the past couple of years. And SWIM is no different. It's a song about hope, about fighting through things, about overcoming challenges and about working towards unity.

Because I've been so moved by their music, (more evidence here) I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with excitement to express my appreciation for what Andrew McMahon and the rest of J.M. pour their hearts, souls, and lives into. I don't know if it WILL make the cut to be used in the video, but in any event, it's here for you to see!

Here is my picture:

(click picture to enlarge)

Here are some things to note:

The forefront is the band—the ones who have poured out their honesty into lyrics that have reached me on numerous occasions

My family—my dad and stepmom are there; my dad who serves in the army, giving his heart and life for our nation. And my stepmom who stands by him, giving her heart and life for our combined family. My sister and my two nieces are there, reminding me to keep fighting for love and unity. And my mom is there, in her favorite sweater- the blue one. :D I always remember her in that sweater. And my brother is there too!

God- the one in the blue jeans, yellow shirt, and a slight 'front butt.' (hey, i never said i was a good artist). He has been the ULTIMATE inspiration to me, and this is how I see Him.

My friends—you're all there, represented individually and/or in a mix of others represented.

YOU- the ones with no specific faces because it's for you to imagine your face there :D

New friends to follow—in the background. Those who I have yet to meet with a warm smile and big hug! :D

You are all helping me to SWIM, and to fight, and to keep hoping! Thank you for helping me to remember to JUST KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE and SWIM!

:D love you guys and gals!

Dreaming My Dreams

I think it's safe to say I had the WORST dream last night. It actually made me wake up crying. It took me a while... some prayer... and a lot of coffee... and some cupcakes to help me get my head straightened out.

In my dream, I had just had a baby, but it was premature... so I was released from the hospital... which was apparently a little run down, since the babies were kept on these cots with small mattresses and railings on the outsides. So I was driving back to the hospital early to go check on my baby girl. When I got there, the docs said that she had had a small heart attack of sorts earlier that morning, so they were there just monitoring her, since she was really fragile. She was so beautiful and I was so enamored with her. And so I was there, stroking her head and just praying so hard... for her to survive and pull through. And so I was there for hours (apparently) because one of the nurses came in and told me to go lay down in one of the rooms because I needed some rest.

And when I came to, they took me to see my baby, and she was different. Smaller. Weaker. And it was obviously a dream because when I woke up, the baby was in a small case and they told me that my daughter had some complications and they needed her to stay in the case, which was filled with ground beef and rice (they said that the sensation of the rice and meat on her limbs would help her gain muscle strength). So I held the case and rocked her in my arms for hours while continually believing she'd pull through. Why I didn't notice the weirdness of rocking a plastic case or rice and meat...i dunno..again.. what dreams are made of. So then I realized I had covered the baby's face in rice and i freaked out. I handed her over to a nurse who tried desperately to save her from choking on rice and meat. And when they brought her out of the case, I noticed she looked odd... but I didn't say anything. But when the baby got up and started walking (yes, walking) they noted that she had grown a 'trunk' and I was like, "A what?"

They said that the trunk is like the spine that helps her walk and sit up. And then when I looked at the baby, she looked a LOT like a Cupie Doll...but like a baby sized one... like so:


Creepy right? So I was like, this isn't my daughter. I don't know what happened...but that's not her.

And the nurses looked at each other... and then one of them came up to me and was like. I'm sorry. But after being physicians for your sister for so many years, we knew what kind of mother she is and we didn't want to risk your child being raised the same way.

(Let me clarify: My sister is NOT a bad mother...she is simply a young mother. I know that she does the best she can and she has learned a lot over the years. There are many things she does that I wouldn't necessarily choose in raising a child, but I know that she is still a good, loving mother who enjoys her children and tries to make life worthwhile for her kids.)

So the nurse told me that they killed my daughter while I was sleeping in the room and started a process to grow a baby that couldn't be harmed for me to take home and raise. Like growing a baby a la sea monkey type stuff. I was so heartbroken and I was screaming at the nurse: I AM NOT LIKE MY SISTER! I AM A COMPLETE OPPOSITE! YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER! And I woke up, crying so hard.

It was completely bizarre. Just...every aspect of it. I hope I never have to go through that dream again. :(

PS: I know that as of late I've been talking about babies frequently, but I just need to clarify that I'm not in any RUSH to have kids...natural or adopted.

Blame It On Me

Today was full of ups and downs...

We'll start with the ups. This morning's service was so good...In the Jr. High we had Maggie and Spencer, and Spencer's older brother, Chris (who is a sophomore in high school)...who wanted to come because Spencer had been saying how much he has been loving Jr. High time for the past few weeks... :D yay! So I'm thinking of giving an open invitation to any High Schoolers at Westside who want to join us...because I can swing the teachings to reach both. And we did the Cinnamon Challenge and had so much fun! We were all laughing so hard! And after the teaching we finished off with a fun game of POISON..which is Spencer's new favorite game! It was a hit!

A good in between was my Sunday morning nap. I did intend to eat lunch, but once i sat on my bed, i suddenly (okay, not suddenly) fell back and fell asleep... until about 4:30 p.m. It was a nice little nap. :D

The down happened when I went to go babysit. In the past few weeks, I've been babysitting a lot and all the parents of the kids I've babysat have been so happy with the way I've babysat. They said that their kids get excited when they hear I'm coming over to babysit, and that the kids have dubbed me their Number One babysitter :D which is odd because i hardly did ANY babysitting (except for my niece) when I was back in Austin. But not I'm suddenly number one. Which makes me feel like I have this big thing to live up to and if I mess up, it's a sign that I'm not as good as others think I am...but that's a whole other issue I'm currently working out in my life.

But the whole evening of babysitting was going well until I had finally calmed the kids down while watching Ice Age...and decided (now regrettably) to step out into the back deck for 5 minutes to sweep up the nacho mess the kids had made. Usually when I babysit, I like to also pitch in and clean things up, just because I know it's calming for the mom to come home and not have to do damage control... So I had been playing with the kids all afternoon, and checking in on them in each of their play areas, bandaging boo boos, teaching that their friendships and relationships are more important than who got the last handful of popcorn, and playing fairy warrior princess (with my fellow princesses) to defend my end of the deck against the dark warrior boys... and then when going from place to place, letting the kids know that i was cleaning parts of the kitchen and to come get me if things got out of hand. They're normally really good about it, so I've had no problems. But in that 5 minutes I took to sneak away from the popcorn eating kiddos...their parents had come home to find tornado alley in the living room...popcorn everywhere and kids running around like maniacs. Needless to say, I felt like a HUGE FAILURE. I know that it must have looked like I was the WORST babysitter ever. They probably thought that I didn't care about watching their kids at all...or that I was a negligent babysitter. Needless to say...I'll never risk that break time again...if i ever get the chance to redeem myself. I guess I may not be babysitting for a long while now. And I'm pretty sure I've forfeited my spot at number one. :(

But to end on a positive note, I'm recovering from the bruised ego with a pint of Ben and Jerry's Low Fat Frozen Yogurt (Cherry Garcia)

I think this current whirlwind of emotions I'm on is seriously tweaking my ability to function.

Time Lapse Lifeline

Today was a pretty crummy day...
I overslept... (and on a day off too... guess i needed it)
My hanging organizers BOTH fell in my room today, leaving me with some Bob Villa projects to embrace and lots of ceiling dust scattered about my stuff...
Target doesn't have the game Pop5... lameski. 
My Starbucks Perfect Oatmeal wasn't so perfect...
And though I had fun babysitting today, I over-sugarfied the kids on accident...i think it's due to my lack of ability to say NO to adorable kids with awesome manners... seriously. So now they're at home, with upset stomachs... :( I feel like a villain. :(

The plus side was my ability to enjoy something so simple in the day—the simplicity of a child's life.  Today as I was watching Isaiah, Eliza, and Luke, we were all playing with squirt guns in the back yard around the kiddie pool. And while Eliza and Isaiah took turns trying not to "accidentally" shoot each other with water (it was SO cute, i wish you coulda seen it!), Luke kept asking for "more agua."  Let it be known that yes, a toddler knows more spanish than me :( fail.   hahahahahahaha

But I loved it cause I would bring him back this pail of water, which he would receive with a smile, and then proceed to immediately dump it on the ground... look up at me with a giant smile on his face and ask for "more agua." over and over and over...it was so adorable, I couldn't help but oblige him! 

But it took me back for just a bit to the times where simply dumping water out on the ground over and over and over again...was considered fun...was enough to keep someone entertained. It really made me smile. I loved hanging out with the kids today.  I learn a lot from them.

Live Your Life

I got this in an email yesterday and I thought it was worth sharing. :D
It really reminded me of how lately I've been noticing so many things that I've taken for granted over the years. I mean, even simple things...like being overwhelmed by the beauty of the tulips that i pass by as I walk from the bus stop to work every morning. Or the way the sun sparkles off of the water in Puget Sound every morning. And how great it felt to see the homeless man, who sells the Real Change Papers every morning, smile when I bought him breakfast at Starbucks the other day. And that every time I get to talk to my neice, it's like I'm sitting right there beside her.

Last night me and Kelley were watching THE MEMORY KEEPER'S DAUGHTER and it just renewed my love for simple things that we take for granted. So here's a little something something for you to ponder. Are there things you are taking for granted because of stress and worry and because society tells you that things HAVE TO BE a certain way?

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We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy/girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hannukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

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PS: 8 more weeks till I'm in the ATX! :D

Between Rupture and Rapture

I went to the movies today because I had a free ticket from Regal Cinema due to my frequent moviegoing skillz!  ;) hahahahahahahhaahah

So out of the movies available to see, I decided to go see a scary movie.  I went to see THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT.  It was true to form as far as scary elements, and the storyline had an interesting injection of faith and hope to it, which took me by surprise.  The actor who played the main character was really really really good.  I mean, in one second, I felt ultimate pity for him, and the next scene I felt afraid of him, and in the next I felt extreme respect for him and man, he could just switch from portraying one facet to another- great array of depth for the character.  The story-line was really interesting as well.  

I think the more and more I study screenwriting and practice it, the more I see the movie on paper as opposed to just going to see another movie.  I'm not saying that this movie will definitely win Oscars, but the mood and the cinematography definitely left an impression on me.  Though I'm not sure I'd ever be able to write a horror/thriller script without feeling like a complete knob, it definitely inspired me to keep writing.  

This new "dedicated hobby" of mine has challenged my creativity and I love exploring new mirrors and doors and being able to express the things, the characters, the locations, the scenarios that play out in my imagination all throughout the day.  And I love the discipline it's teaching me as well.  

I recently got to sit down with one of my mentors- Brian Brooks, who taught me a vast amount of exploring creativity in life, graphic design, web design and video production... and it was so refreshing to run my ideas through him and explain to him some of the things I've been learning.  I got to share with him the synopsis of both screenplays I'm working on and one of them is definitely more tragic than the other, but one of them actually hit home with him.  And for me, though it is a tragic situation, to know that what I'm writing is relatable and not just "poopy-shash" as it were, gives me a new level of confidence that I can write something and get something out of my mind that's not just unique to myself.   

I love writing. so much. truly.  And I think that this "dedicated hobby" I've ventured into is bringing out a lot of honesty and a lot of depth to my own mind and heart.  I love it!

One thing that I've been wrestling with as a writer lately is the "line" of involving faith in the scripts that I am working on.  I mean, you have to think so deeply about the characters and what they like and what they would say in any moment... how would they stand if asked a serious question? how would they respond to a cat call?  would they laugh at an unfunny comment?  And for me, I've wrestled with... language.   Would I be less of a Christian if my character said "Hell" flippantly?  Would I be looked down upon for one of the characters saying "Damn"?  If I'm true to the character in my head, she would say that.  If she was being attacked, she's not going to say "Oh crap!"  She's not necessarily a Christian.  And in the moment, I wonder, if she were a Christian, and she was being attacked, would she really "turn the other cheek?" Honestly? I think not.  I think that when you explore the lives of other people (real or fictional) that you begin to realize that their situations where faith meets life, are not 100% perfectly holy.  There will be anger.  There will be retaliation.  People are people.  

So I was thinking the other day, does it make me less of a Christian if I don't promote bible verses and people getting "saved"?  And I'd like to think that if what I write is in line with what I believe in my heart that God wants me to write and if I do it with excellence, He will shine through more and more.  Because this ability to write the things in my head, the characters, the lives, the stories... it's all because of HIM. Seriously.  

While I'm still wrestling with a lot of elements involved in these scripts, I love knowing that it's meaningful.  If not to others, at least to me.

Dirty Little Secret

If you've ever been a part of the MCA Media team, you would know that one of my biggest appreciations for art for the past couple of years has been PostSecret. [click link to learn more]

What is PostSecret you ask? Well, here is some info from Wikipedia:

PostSecret is an ongoing community mail art project, created by Frank Warren, in which people mail their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. Select secrets are then posted on the PostSecret website, or used for PostSecret's books or museum exhibits.

The simple concept of the project was that completely anonymous people decorate a postcard and portray a secret that they had never previously revealed. No restrictions are made on the content of the secret; only that it must be completely truthful and must never have been spoken before. Entries range from admissions of sexual misconduct and criminal activity to confessions of secret desires, embarrassing habits, hopes and dreams.

There are currently 4 POST SECRET books available at Barnes and Noble/Borders. They are:
PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives
My Secret: A PostSecret Book
The Secret Lives of Men and Women: A PostSecret Book
A Lifetime of Secrets: A PostSecret Book

Sometimes, instead of sending in their secrets, many people take their postcards to a bookstore and discreetly hide them between the pages of a Post Secret book. This spin-off activity means that the eventual purchaser of the book gets an unexpected secret to keep.

Frank Warren is currently working on a new Post Secret book called Connfessions on Life, Death & God

It's so great to read some of the postcards and know that you're not alone. And I think it's even more beautiful because it is real average people, who take time to decorate and illustrate their deepest secrets and be transparent with the world around them. Here are some of my favorites:




They're so popular, that even The All American Rejects used the concept for their music video, DIRTY LITTLE SECRET. And to be quite honest, I've used the concept in a promotional video before as well. They are both posted below:





If you have never done it before, I recommend sending one in. You never know who you'll inspire. I haven't yet, but I hope to soon.