Sing It Out

I think we've established that I've got a wonderfully quirky side, right? Right. I thought so.

In that case, it should come as no surprise to you that I do wonderfully quirky things on a daily basis. Things like singing along to the songs playing on my iPod while I'm waiting at bus stops or walking to and from places. What can I say, I love music and I love singing. I really love when a song comes on my iPod that is the perfect song for the mood or what I'm looking at. For instance, one morning I was riding the bus to work and Hello Seattle came on just as I looked over and saw Puget Sound peeking through, waves glimmering in the morning sun between streets. It was gorgeous, and the song was perfect.

For the record, I've gotten NUMEROUS texts and Facebook messages from friends here who have seen me walking from one place to another or standing at a bus stop playing air guitar and/or singing to the music coming through my headphones. I like that a lot—both doing those things and getting those texts. Is it a bit embarrassing, yeah a little. But it's cool because though they may seem mildly embarrassing to me at first, the smidge of embarrassment is quickly dissipated when they tell me that it made them laugh/smile.

With that, I thought I'd share some of the tunes that have been playing in heavy rotation on my iPeezy as of late:

1. AMBULANCE by EISLEY



2. CASUALTY by CAMERA CAN'T LIE



3. DREAM CITY by FREE ENERGY



4. TIMES by TENTH AVENUE NORTH



5. GOLD GUNS GIRLS by METRIC

Is not "embeddable" :( and I really only like the acoustic version . . . so if you want to hear the acoustic version, click on THIS LINK.

It's been a nice mix lately! And if you happen to be in the area, be on the lookout for the quirky mexican chick rockin' the air guitar at the bus stop! ;p

Taking Memories

I got to download some new music yesterday. One of the songs that I kept on repeat for a while is TAKING MEMORIES by Sam & Ruby.

I was writing about a family that was struggling and falling apart. It was a sad scene, and this song was playing as I wrote it. I felt like it brought out this honest crossroads moment for the couple I was writing about. Sometimes I write without music, but when I'm having a fantastic or upbeat fun day, it's difficult to reach beyond that to catch the pure emotion of the characters that you are developing in your writing if they are facing a tragedy or a difficult moment. At those times, I'll put some music on that helps me step outside of my normal happy thoughts and let a song carry my imagination away. This song came at just the right time for what I was working on. Sometimes a couple has to go through tough times to make it to the happy ending—but my characters get to have a happy ending, and that's reassuring.

I definitely want to get more of their music though—i LOVE their sound! :D

If you want to hear a clip of it ---> GO HERE

--------TAKING MEMORIES---------
Looking for a way I can let you know
Time will soon be near
When I am gonna take my load and go from here
There are a lot of things that are in my soul
That need to be released
Though I gotta go I'll have you here with me

Cause I'm taking memories
Taking pictures in my head
Of times of peace
I'm taking memories
I won't dwell on what we lost
But what we'll keep
We had a good thing, didn't we?

If I try to say that the end was all
We have to think upon
That would just betray all the times we got along
Some relationships have their day
But night comes down on them
That's the way it is
But it's not the way it ends

Cause I'm taking memories
Taking pictures in my head
Of times of peace
I'm taking memories
I won't dwell on what we lost
But what we'll keep
We had a good thing, didn't we?

I'll think of your love
When the times get rough
I'll get strength from thinking of
The way you made me feel alive
Pleasure, pain, and pride,
All the things that remind me
It was worth my time

I'm taking memories
Taking pictures in my head
Of times of peace
I'm taking memories
I won't dwell on what we lost
But what we'll keep
We had a good thing, didn't we?

Whatcha Say

Great news! I got to borrow Gina's guitar to record 2 new songs! Well, one is old but I recorded it for the first time. The other is a new one that I'm actually going to re-record because it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to, but I'll post it eventually. :D

After posting about singing Mayday for my co-workers at our office holiday party, (see here) a handful of friends and family have asked to hear it. So, I figured I would oblige and post it here today.

Again, I'm NOT a singer, just a writer, but it's very therapeutic for me to share these songs that I've written with you, my readers :D

I hope it speaks to you in some way.

MAYDAY

Chorus:
Mayday. Mayday.
You say Everyone's as comfortable as you
But baby
Someday
You'll see that tomorrow is up to you

Fingers on the smoking gun
Everyone is trying to run
Away
Let the rhythm take control
Take you to a place where you know
There's a star, a ray of hope
and everyone's the same

Chorus

Laser lights and telegrams
Try to define who I am
Alright. Alright.
Let the damage take it's toll
Move beyond and then you know
There's a goal, a common thread
and everyone's alive

The tracks for trains racing away
They call you melancholy
But every day is a brand new way
and your chance to sway and

Chorus

Tomorrow's up to you
And you know just what to do.

Breakeven

I'm looking back on all the life that you gave me
And I've never felt more alive
No words explain all the ways that you changed me
The way you made wrong things right

There will be days that I'm barely hanging on
And then I'll think of you, and you and me
But when everything has turned shades of gray
You still color the world around me

-Color the World by Amanda Martinez

Last night was very eventful—and I'm not just talking about the football game. For the past few weeks, one of my co-worker's husband has been in critical condition in the ICU with some serious organ failure due to a bout with Hepatitis C. Yesterday at the end of the work day, we got the call that she was going to take him off of life support. A bunch of my co-workers were going to be going to the hospital to be with her in that moment. In the grand scheme of things, I'd never met her husband and she and I were not especially close—but I knew I needed to be there. No one should die alone, and no one should have to go through the death of a loved one alone. She needed people she could cry with, share memories with, and just BE with. I wanted her to know that I was there for her.

A bunch of us showed up and suited up (so that we wouldn't catch any diseases from her dying husband) and surrounded my co-worker with love and support. It was one of the most powerful displays of affection and family I'd seen in a while. My co-worker's husband's family was not very close and so very few of them showed up (even during the course of the hospitalization). Our entire staff was there, save for two people who had colds and therefore couldn't join us. We were their family—and it showed.

I got to watch an amazing woman express her love and honor to this wonderful man who had an uncanny way of making her come alive, and come out of hiding. I loved watching her love and care for him while we were there, caressing his pallid bony skin and bragging about how handsome he still is. I think one of the sweeter moments for me was when she turned directly to me and said,

"Amanda, I wish you two could have met. Ray would have loved you and loved spending time with you. He would've loved your big heart and your witty sense of humor and he would have loved hearing you sing your songs."

She didn't say it as an off-the-cuff nicety. She meant it and it caught my attention. It's not so much the accolades that caught my attention, but the fact that she, having known and loved this man, could speak for him with such certainty—she knew him that well. It moved my heart. So I wrote about it—I've included some of the first round lyrics (Color The World) at the top of the post. I'm still working on the song, but being in that room, witnessing that tender honest love inspired me that true love is, in fact, not lost. It is waiting, and I'll be ready when it shows it's lovely face. :)

Mayday

Today is a big day for me! It's my first ever Holiday Party at my new job! I'm really really excited. :D I'm doing a lot of new things today. I made a baked squash casserole thing for everyone and I hope it tastes really good. Also, as part of tradition for the office party, everyone does a "show and tell" thing. I WAS going to sing Winterlove by Parachute, but when I met with the entertainment coordinator, she said that it would be really cool to perform something I wrote myself. So I am. I'm going to be singing one of my favorite songs that I've written. It's called Mayday. It's all about how we get to choose whether we are going to see life and its trials as positive or negative and that we get to choose our response accordingly. Hopefully I will get someone to record it so I can share it with you all, but if I don't, you can at least see the lyrics to it below:

CHORUS:
Mayday. Mayday.
You say Everyone's as comfortable as you
But baby
Someday
You'll see that tomorrow is up to you

Fingers on the smoking gun
Everyone is trying to run
Away
Let the rhythm take control
Take you to a place where you know
There's a star, a ray of hope
and everyone's the same

Mayday. Mayday.
You say Everyone's as comfortable as you
But baby
Someday
You'll see that tomorrow is up to you

Laser lights and telegrams
Try to define who I am
Alright. Alright.
Let the damage take it's toll
Move beyond and then you know
There's a goal, a common thread
and everyone's alive

Bridge>>
The tracks for trains racing away
They call you melancholy
But every day is a brand new way
and your chance to sway and

Mayday. Mayday.
You say Everyone's as comfortable as you
But baby
Someday
You'll see that tomorrow is up to you

Tomorrow's up to you
And you know just what to do.

Brick By Boring Brick

For the record, i disgust myself with the lack of bloggage (ew . . . what a terrible word).

Alas, I am here! I am still alive! Wheee! (and there was much rejoicing)

Things have been super busy lately . . . no lie!

It's officially 10 days until I embark on the 3 day journey back to Austin for Christmas!! I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am to see my family—they are COMPLETELY worth every single crazy encounter I might have on that bus!

A lot of people are a bit concerned that I'm riding greyhound, but I see it as an opportunity :D It's an opportunity for me to sleep (which i REALLY need) and to write (which i REALLY need to do)!

I've been really excited about some of the songs that I've written lately and the melodies that keep me company while I do. Here is a snippet of some lyrics I've written lately about a friend of mine who has been going through some stuff lately:

and I will do the unthinkable
oh I will feed this chameleon.
I'll be whatever you want me to be
but when I get lost don't come after me
you might lose yourself between the thorns
I'm gone
and I've never missed me more

I haven't recorded it in Garage Band yet, but the story is really teaching me a lot personally.

In other news, tomorrow I get to be part of an AMAZING movement! It's called Help-Portrait and we're going to be taking pictures of people at a housing project in Lake City and I'm SOOO excited! I'll be sure to post pics here tomorrow! :D

PS: I called my niece on her birthday a few days ago and she said the cutest thing:

"It's my birthday, but don't tell anyone, okay."

They were having a family only party and they're gonna have her main party in January as a double party with her sister, Annabelle. I guess she doesn't want anyone to know they weren't invited to the family party ;) too cute!

Streetlamps

Miracle of all miracles, I actually wrote a really sweet HAPPY love song today! Ha ha ha ha!
I was down by the waterfront tonight, looking at the streetlights and dreaming about that 'SOMEDAY' and this came out of it. I hope it makes you smile :D

STREETLAMPS
Will I walk up to talk up
just to look into your eyes
Looking at the sun do you see me smile?
There's a sweetness in the air as we walk out together
My mind says impossible
My heart says forever and we're

Staring past the streetlamps
Just past the pier
Hold my hand
Let me dance with you
and we'll hold each other as the sun sets the blues

Will tomorrow be reflected
in this moment where we stand
With lights in the distance
And heartbeats in hands
Something is sweet in your smile when we're together
My mind says impossible
My heart says forever and we're

Staring past the streetlamps
Just past the pier
Hold my hand
Let me dance with you
and we'll hold each other as the sun sets the blues

Here is my forever
In the image of you
Together whatever
I always choose you

Here's the audio track. . . if you're *brave* ;)

My Mean Monster

Yet another rare moment where I share a song I've written with the "public."

But I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this one. It's  a story about a discussion that others have had with me. It's called My Mean Monster.  And basically, it's a story about the 'monster' that comes out in girls when we feel threatened. It's like when a girl sees another girl that's cuter or has a better personality or whatever, and says to herself, "I'm gonna be the green monster of envy and manipulate a situation so I can destroy her and make everyone think I'm better than her." But in the light of reality, the monster and everyone she touches ultimately loses.

Here are the lyrics:

That gallon of sugar

would sure come in handy

her milk mustache is bleeding again

She's got a flair for the dramatic,

your damsel in distress

your self professed sugar pie

devil in a blue dress

See. The monster you made

is fun in the shade

And the price that we pay

won't kill us today.

Is that okay?

She's mean to everyone but you

your fairy tale come true

Paper dolls are fun to cut

unless they're cutting you

See. The monster you made

is fun in the shade

And the price that we pay

won't kill us today.

Is that okay?

Take my monster away

say goodbye to today

The price I must pay

kills me everyday

So take her

away

Art In Me

So a few days ago, I blogged about how Jack's Mannequin was accepting artwork from fans to use in their upcoming music video for their song SWIM (see post here).

Jack's Mannequin songs have been such an inspiration to me at various points in the past couple of years. And SWIM is no different. It's a song about hope, about fighting through things, about overcoming challenges and about working towards unity.

Because I've been so moved by their music, (more evidence here) I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with excitement to express my appreciation for what Andrew McMahon and the rest of J.M. pour their hearts, souls, and lives into. I don't know if it WILL make the cut to be used in the video, but in any event, it's here for you to see!

Here is my picture:

(click picture to enlarge)

Here are some things to note:

The forefront is the band—the ones who have poured out their honesty into lyrics that have reached me on numerous occasions

My family—my dad and stepmom are there; my dad who serves in the army, giving his heart and life for our nation. And my stepmom who stands by him, giving her heart and life for our combined family. My sister and my two nieces are there, reminding me to keep fighting for love and unity. And my mom is there, in her favorite sweater- the blue one. :D I always remember her in that sweater. And my brother is there too!

God- the one in the blue jeans, yellow shirt, and a slight 'front butt.' (hey, i never said i was a good artist). He has been the ULTIMATE inspiration to me, and this is how I see Him.

My friends—you're all there, represented individually and/or in a mix of others represented.

YOU- the ones with no specific faces because it's for you to imagine your face there :D

New friends to follow—in the background. Those who I have yet to meet with a warm smile and big hug! :D

You are all helping me to SWIM, and to fight, and to keep hoping! Thank you for helping me to remember to JUST KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE and SWIM!

:D love you guys and gals!

Rock and Roll All Night

Great news!!! The Lord has answered my prayers!! Two of my favorite recording artists are doing a tour together and they're coming to Seattle in August!!! woot! Yes indeedy, my friends, The Fray and Jack's Mannequin... together...coming to my city... it's just so beautiful!! In the meantime, I'll have to settle for continuing to listen to their songs on repeat :D This is one concert I do not mind spending the dough on! just. phenomenal. :D

Now for some great songs from these two amazing groups:

The Fray: NEVER SAY NEVER


Jack's Mannequin: HAMMERS AND STRINGS (LIVE)


Added Bonus: The Story Behind "Hammers and Strings"

Of Mountains And Seascapes [UPDATED]

Okay, so with this post I am going to singlehandedly embarrass myself all while breaking my number one rule of social networking. Look, I know we all have a little artist in us and that rocks. seriously. But I've always had this thing about people always using their blogs or facebook notes to promote their stuff. Mainly because to me, that art, until fully produced is just so personal. So yes, I am THAT loser who's ridiculously and dangerously opinionated as far as art goes. And yes, I am THAT hypocrite that is totally gonna go against what my inner voice has been yelling at me for the past 4 weeks saying "don't post any of your work online. No matter how bad you want to." So yes, here it is, one of the songs I wrote recently. I know I know, I'm setting myself up for embarrassment and harassment...but please...be gentle. As a bonus, I'm also going to record the song tonight (sans music...since i haven't picked up a guitar in over 8 years and well...i don't have one at home...) and post it here for you all to: 

[circle one] enjoy / critique / laugh at / harass me / relate to your own life.

So this song is called OF MOUNTAINS AND SEASCAPES and it's all about my inner emotions. Where I really want some huge obstacles and struggles [the mountains] to be a large part of my life but at the same time, I want to be able to enjoy the moments where it's easy and there's just smooth sailing [the seascapes] and not create internal drama in my own mind. You know, like make a mountain out of the mole hill. And sometimes even the stillness and ease can be the challenge I need to overcome in a moment. But I want both. I do. I want to feel victory and defeat and solace and turmoil. I feel like a good balance of both makes me feel complete. Not more of one than the other, just a good mix. So here are the lyrics and the audio clip will come later (much later) this evening. So maybe check back tomorrow to hear it.

OF MOUNTAINS AND SEASCAPES

Water crash. Water flow.

Water please I want to know.

I'm grabbing and drowning.

I have to keep swimming.

I'm not asking for much

Just everything

Do you understand the beat

The beat of my heart

Cause I'm always dreaming

Of mountains and Seascapes

Battle.  Up hill.

Pushing.  Pulling. Oh what a thrill.

Rock crags.  Breaking my back.

Simple enough just to drag.

I'm not asking for much

Just everything

Do you understand the beat

The beat of my heart

Cause I'm always thinking 

Of mountains and seascapes

Never been the one to quit

I'm sure I can handle it

Give me a hand.  Give me a heart.

I  will be the champion.

Conquering the road I'm on.

Giving my hand. And giving my heart.

I'm not asking for much

Just everything

Do you understand the beat

The beat of my heart

Cause I'm always receiving those

mountains and seascapes

*************************************

as promised, here is the audio clip of the song.  but before you listen, i must throw this in:

1. I'm not a singer.

2. I am being super brave by doing this

3. I hope it means something to you as well

4. I know it sounds choppy, but the tune is in my head, and in my head, there's an awesome guitar playing it correctly in my head.

5. I hope you actually kinda maybe sorta like it. ;)

6. If you don't, please be gentle. :(

7. I love lamp.

The Boob Fairy

My co-worker Leah introduced this song to me and I die laughing every time I hear it!  Granted, I'm not lacking in this area, but it's just genuinely funny!!  It's a song by a chick named Dierdre Flint.

Here are the lyrics:

When I was in my teenage years, I did just what I should
I listened to my mother and I was kind and sweet and good
And my friends and I did rituals and I prayed with all my might
That this would be the evening that she'd stop along her flight
Well, that was several years ago and that chick's long overdue
And it's time I came to terms with something plainly clear to you.

The boob fairy never came for me
No, the boob fairy never came for me

Okay, I'm perky and I'm cute and I've got a great personality
But the boob fairy never came for me

Well, we were the third house on a country drive, I thought
Maybe she just got lost, so I hung my bra on the mailbox
Til the neighbors took it off
And all my friends got visits and expanded through the years
And left me wailing to the gods buying training bras at Sears
Still I harbor hopes, she'll come for me, I know she will
I'd get 'em done myself if she'd agree to split the bill
The boob fairy never came for me
No the boob fairy never came for me

Look, I wasn't wanting melons, just a cute curvaceous B
But the boob fairy never came for me.

This isn't a song about boobs. Not really. 

The boobs are just a set of metaphors to symbolize everyone's 

fear of human inadequacy. 

Hey! We've all felt the pain of being dissed by one fairy or another,

 so during the next refrain I want you to join in with your 

own fairy that never paid a call. Maybe it's the height fairy or the butt nymph. 

Men, maybe it's the pectoral or hair fairy or maybe 

some other fairy you just want to mumble about. 

Look, nobody's going to ask you to enunciate. 

And sisters, I don't want you feeling alienated 

because you happen to be full-figured. 

Just change the line to the boob fairy wouldn't let me be or 

the boob fairy became obsessed with me. 

Okay, here comes the refrain. 

Everybody join in.
The boob fairy never came for me
No the boob fairy never came for me
Though the hip fairy came two times
and the thigh fairy came three
The boob fairy never came for me.

Song Of The Soul

Okay folks, time for some new music for you to try! So lately, I've been on this soulful kick...and everytime I hear each of these songs, I melt. :D

GAVIN'S SONG by Marc Broussard
This song was written in honor of his son, Gavin and the strain of touring on the road while having a son at home.


THE PIECES DON'T FIT ANYMORE by James Morrison
James claimed that the song is an ode to that point in a relationship where no matter what you try, it just doesn't seem to work out anymore. He says that there was a period in his life with his girlfriend where they were in that situation.


LET ME SIGN by Robert Pattinson
Originally written by Bobby Long and Marcus Foster was made famous by it's appearance in the hit movie Twilight. I love it cause you can feel the passion of the song.


NEVER SAY NEVER by The Fray
There are many theories about the meaning of the song, but The Fray has not given a direct comment about the meaning. Most theories center on a relationship where the guy doesn't want to let go so easy.


and finally, CAME ON LION by Sarah Harmer
I know she's not one of the guys, but this girl can sing... and this song is so soulful to me!


In other news... I've been working on 2 screenplays lately. One came originally into my head a couple weeks ago. And the other came into mind a couple of days ago. And though I don't plan right now on releasing either of the two professionally (or even unprofessionally for that matter), it's great to get some new experience with a new creative outlet. One is called THE ACADEMY and the other is called LANE & ALLEY. These are two songs I've been listening to for the more dramatic parts of each, and might I also add...that the 2 screenplays are COMPLETELY different from one another. And these songs are kinda stuck on the brain lately. So I figure I'd share (my elementary teachers would be so proud of me)!

DROWNING by Missy Higgins
(for THE ACADEMY)


RECOGNITION by Susie Suh
(for LANE & ALLEY)

If You Asked Me To

If you asked me to come up with a "lovey dovey" playlist for Valentine's Day, this is what it would look like:

I hope you have a great Valentine's Day tomorrow. :D

A Whole New World

To liven up the mood around these here parts, I wanted to share with you 5 of my favorite Disney songs! I really really want to visit Disneyland or Disneyworld! I love theme parks! Here they are, in no particular order:

CAMP ROCK: "I Gotta Find You/This is Real"


HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3: "The Boys Are Back"


CARS: "Life Is A Highway"


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: "Beauty And The Beast"



THE LION KING: "I Just Can't Wait To Be King"


Hope some of these take you back! :D

Take This

So, tomorrow I leave to head back up to Seattle! I have had so much fun hanging out and reconnecting with old friends! To those I haven't gotten to see, I'll be back at the end of June/beginning of July! I think today's blog will be laid back. So I'm just gonna share some new (well, not new, but newly added to my iTunes) music for you to check out! Enjoy!

A new personal favorite: YOU FOUND ME by The Fray


ONCE WHEN I WAS LITTLE by James Morrison


TROUBLE by Ray LaMontagne

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

You know the scene. You're talking to a friend, and you say, "When I was a kid, I had the hardest time learning to tie my shoes. It took me like 2 months" and your friend responds, "Yeah I know, it took me 5 months to learn to tie my shoes. And even after that, I had to have my mom help me sometimes." And all of a sudden, you realize that Tracy Bonham knew what she was saying when she said:

For everyone, there's another one that's stronger
So out you go, like the trash that you drug in

I have always wondered why it seemed so necessary for others to always "one up" a person. It's almost as if you're saying to that person, "That's nice. But I'm so much better, so much more desperate, so much more ___________ than you are. Isn't that awesome??" And let me just tell you, no. It's not awesome. There are so many people who just want to be heard and noticed. And if you continue to "one up" them, I'm not so sure I'd blame them for lying to dominate the conversation. I feel like those who choose to dominate the conversation are more concerned with dominating the people than they are the actual topic of discussion. And how wrong is that?!?

We find it so easy to go through life playing this comparison game and it's just so desperate and sad. Because I've seen that look so many times. When someone is telling a story and that one person is thinking, and the wheels are turning, and they are waiting to jump on the last word to explain how their experience is better/worse/more important, and it causes the person originally speaking to feel like a peon who doesn't matter, and is unimportant. All value that could have been added by simply responding with a :

- That's so cool
- That's amazing
- Wow. I never knew that about you.
- I am so sorry you had to go through that
- That must be tough

is now tossed out the window...along with that person's desire to share anything with anyone ever again.

But when we can learn to respond to people's life experience stories by (what I like to call) "letting them win," everyone wins.  I love when I'm in a conversation, and i don't "win" or dominate the conversation, but I get to learn more about a person, and that person gets to feel like they matter.  And that feeling...is a winning feeling.  :D

Oldest Story In The World

I had the awesome opportunity yesterday to teach Life Lessons for the Master's Commission of Austin crew, and I got to share about my transition from Austin to Seattle. I based the majority of it from my blog about THE RESOLUTION (see blog post list on the side bar for reference).

Here are the points I discussed:

GET A GRIP:
- Find your passion and hang on tight!
- If you don't know what your passion is yet, ask yourself these questions:
-> What matters to me?
-> What makes me happy?
-> If someone gave me one hundred million dollars and said, "Go chase your dreams" what would I do?
- Focus on making it real. Don’t just focus on making it happen, make it real and make it matter.
- Focus on the right things while you're in Master's
- Don’t get so caught up in the drama of who likes who, who’s cute? who’s my future mate material. Focus on, when I meet my future spouse, what substance am I bringing to the table? Am I going to bring a half to the whole or am I going to bring another whole person to the whole of me and my future spouse?

HIDDEN IN YOUR HEART:
- A scripture is just a scripture until it means something to you
- Scriptures that have guided me: Hosea 13:4-6; Psalm 51:6
- Hosea> I promised myself that no matter where God takes me in life, I cannot risk forgetting Him. I cannot let myself forget Him. Because if I forget Him, I forget who I am.
- Psalm> Honesty is hard. And the easiest person for me to lie to is God. This is my gut check verse. You gotta be honest with God. And you gotta be honest with yourself.

A LITTLE HELP HERE PLEASE:
- Have someone or some people in your life that you allow to get into your heart and really push you to stay on course.
- Who is helping you get to where you need to go?
- Who is speaking into your life?
- Whose life are you speaking into?
- Will you keep it up even when you don't feel like it?
For a reference point, you can send an email to your 'future' self at www.futureme.org

KNOW YOUR ROLE:
- Are you a superhero, a sidekick or a villain? (I choose to be a sidekick)
- Will you do something you dislike if it meant saving your life?
- what about someone else's life?
- What's more important: being RIGHT or being GODLY?
- If you go somewhere with this giant ego, thinking that your skills and outstanding ability to do a stomp routine are going to get you a step up in life and are going to land you that huge high paying job, you may find yourself camped out permanently in the unemployment line.
- People are watching every move you make, and what you do matters, both positively and negatively. With this new opportunity to do youth ministry, I’m not out to be superwoman. I’m looking to be an awesome sidekick for God and my senior pastor.
- The mentality of “I’m a second/third year/staff so you have to do what I say ALWAYS scares me.” Because when you’re in a real life situation, that doesn’t work. Ever.

LET'S GET REAL HERE:
- When you are on the way to chasing ANY dream, there will ALWAYS be obstacles. There will be setbacks. There will be hard times. There will be great times! There will be times where you feel you can't go on or you're failing. Have a game plan. Remind yourself to pray. Remind yourself to be accountable.
- What scares you the most about your life outside of the Master's bubble?
- What are you doing to do when it happens?

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RESOLVE TO GET THERE.
RESOLVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES LOOK LIKE
RESOLVE TO GIVE LIFE ALONG THE WAY
RESOLVE TO LIVE
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Live in the Resolution.
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Bella's Lullaby

I'm so excited to be an aunt again!!! Anabelle Yvette Bautista was born Tuesday, January 13th around 10 p.m. weighing 8 pounds, 4 ounces! When Vanessa was born, I chose a song that I would sing to her as a type of lullaby. It would be a song I would sing to her when she was sleeping, and when she was crying, and that when she got older I would sing to her as well. Vanessa's song was "I'M YOUR ANGEL" by R.Kelly and Celine Dione. Yesterday at Olive Garden, I was holding Anabelle and I picked out her song and I kept her sleeping soundly. My sister was amazed that Anabelle was sleeping in my arms. The song I chose for her was "FOR YOU I WILL" by Monica. I've included the songs below so you can hear them. :D I love my angel girlies! :D they're the best!

And no, you're not hallucinating...they are REALLY cheesy songs...but they're sweet :D

Anabelle's Lullaby


Vanessa's Lullaby

R.Kelly ft Céline Dion - I'm your angel
by deejoe

The Story Of A Girl

So I bought the latest issue of Psychology Today, and came across a really good article. And it reminded me of some stuff I have been researching lately. And it's all about girls. The pressure and expectations on girls in modern day society. It's a topic I've actually researched for a while. From reading books about the initiation process that girls have when joining a gang, to the expectations put on girls for big events like Quincineras and Sweet 16 parties, to girls bullying girls in school. The subject really interests me, mainly because I've been in those shoes, and I have a feeling that if you're female and reading this post, you've experienced some of the crazy "expectations" put on girls by society, and even our own families.

I remember a time when I was in like, the 4th or 5th grade when I was over at my aunt's house because all the fam was having their annual poker night. Me and my cousin were just running around the house playing and then I went to get a snack from the kitchen. And my grandma made the stern comment, "Look at you. You're getting so fat. You need to lose weight." I remember just feeling so disgusted with myself. I was just a kid. But for the longest time, those words stuck with me. And it took me what seems like FOREVER to be able to look at myself in the mirror and actually be in love with the person staring right back at me. To be able to look in the mirror and say, "You are beautiful." But now that I can, and do frequently (and totally mean it!) I realize how freeing it is to be completely unique, and completely okay with the person that I am.

I am finally comfortable in my own skin!



So it makes so much sense that I have this desire to help mentor girls of all ages who have low self-esteem and who deal with major stress issues and to give them encouragement and hope and love and life. I recently was doing some research on some various song lyrics of songs I've heard here and there and just made notes to look up the lyrics and meanings to. Tori Amos wrote a song once called CORNFLAKE GIRL, and it's this really obscure song, and a lot of her stuff has some crazy meanings, so I looked into it and I was really really inspired by what she said about the song:

"I read the Alice Walker book, Possessing the Secret of Joy, and there's umm, in that book, the mothers take the daughters to the butchers to have their, let's say their genitalia removed. And even though it's a patriarchal culture that she's talking about, and that this custom was put into practice a long, long time ago by the patriarchy, it's the mothers that take their daughters. And, what I was singing about was, it's funny how from generation to generation women really betray each other in the ladies' room. There is a whole secret society that happens, and a lot of times a mother will say 'I'm doing this for your good' whether it was binding the feet in the Eastern cultures or whether it's marrying your daughter to this gangrene, smelly-breathed, old, decrepit, rotting scumbag that's 80 years old with dough. 'You know, this is really the best for you,' when the truth is, it's the best for everybody else. And, that's an extreme of women's relationships brought to just like, your girlfriend that you're hanging out with, but betrayal is betrayal, and I was thrown in to many situations as I was reading that book where girls, my girls, we were just dissin' each other. The things that we were doing, umm, it's like I would have never imagined that we could be so unsupportive of each other, and it was just happening while I was reading this book, and Cornflake Girl is the betrayal really of girls."
-- Tori; 99X Radio Interview, 08/05/94

And after reading that, it just reminded me of so many things I've researched where it all comes down to this innate societal expectation and feeling of women trying to be better and to be the best and to be the prettiest this and the cutest this and the smartest that, and all the while, failing to just be comfortable in their own skin.  And knowing there are parents and older and younger sisters judge them depending on what they look like, or how popular they are in school and how many boys are interested in them.  And I just can't help but be so angry with that.    

I realize that to a lot of people, my niece is just darling.  But when I talk to her and hang out with her, I think it's so important for me to remind her that she is beautiful.  That she is smart.  That she is amazing.  That she is loved.  And I make it a point to let her know that no matter what, she is all of those things.  There was a time when I was visiting in November and she wanted to wear a dress and it was REALLY cold outside, so I told her she should put on pants.  And she started crying and said, "but Daddy likes this dress!"  And she was so distraught.  4 years old, and stressing about what to wear already!   So I told her she could wear both, but that she should know that no matter what she wears, she's beautiful and daddy will love her anyway.  

After reading the article and reading some statistics, I thought to myself, how I wish I could hug every girl out there and tell her that.  That no matter what, just because she is, she's beautiful and she deserves to know how wonderful she is.

Here are some of the statistics I've come across:

- Only 2% of women around the world describe themselves as beautiful

- 81% of women in the US strongly agree that "the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can't ever achieve."

- 7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members

- 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities, such as eating disorders, cutting, bullying, smoking or drinking when feeling badly about themselves (Compared to 25% of girls with high self-esteem)

- 57% of all girls have a mother who criticizes her own looks

In the Psychology Today article, Steve Hinshaw, author of a soon-to-be-released book titled:  THE TRIPLE BIND, states:

"...girls today are subjected to unrealistic pressures from society and the media, and their once-private identity struggles are now public, thanks to the internet.  Girls are still socialized to be nurturing caregivers but are now  pressured to excel academically and athletically as much as boys- all while remaining thin, sexy and beautiful."

Through the years, girls have been subjected to the magnifying glass of society more and more, and have been made to live over-scheduled, overtaxed, over-sexualized lives and they tend to take it out on one another in traditional competition style.  And to add insult to injury, some are even finding it easier to take it out on themselves.  I believe that it is our responsibility as human beings to care for one another.  And if that means simply telling someone genuinely that they look beautiful, or that they are smart, or that they are worthwhile, let's do it!