What's Love Got To Do With It

I came across this hilarious article at msn.com today. go ahead... try to read it without laughing out loud!

And after I read it, it brought to my mind something about love. I've been really lucky to observe many awesome love relationship and many crappy love relationships. I've been able to talk to so many people in so many unique relationships and I've learned a LOT along the way. What's funny about this is that I haven't ever dated anyone...my entire life...yet. But I have so many guy friends and girl friends who will come to me for insight/advice when it comes to liking someone romantically. Being great friends equally with guys and girls has taught me a lot about the human heart and tons of other things. But I decided to take some time today and just blog out some things I've shared, and some I haven't for all those who might have questions about love love love...

First of all, let me say that I think LOVE, real LOVE is a beautiful thing. I think crushes are beautiful too, because whether it actually works out or not, you learn a LOT about yourself. You learn about what triggers your heart to love. You learn about your own selfish needs and wants, and whether they should get the merit they tend to receive. And you learn how to dream for something more than just the mundane things in life. And if it doesn't work out, you learn to not give up, to recover from a "crushed" heart, and how to evaluate what went wrong so that it can be fixed in the future.

So, on that note, here are some words of advice I have for you:

FOR BOTH GUYS AND GIRLS:
- don't expect the other person to be perfect.
- love is a give and take thing. If you're not willing to give the other person a listening ear, instead of a talking mouth, things will head south quickly.
- be aware of the things you're saying to the other person when you're not moving your mouth.
- realize you're different people and not just pod people, and move forward from there.  
- they won't notice you if you're not at least making an effort to be noticed. Most of the time, walking up and saying hi will get you 'in the door'
- take your time and enjoy the friendship/relationship
- don't spend all your time together. make sure you save time for your friends and family too!

- you don't have to copy other people's relationships. make yours unique!

- make an effort to make friends with their friends

- when showing affection in public, don't be gross.  it's possible to show love without re-enacting a dirty romance scene.  ps: dry humping in public is sick.

- being in a relationship with him/her won't solve all of your personal problems, but you can both learn from one another along the way

FOR GIRLS:
- he DOESN'T think you look fat. If he did, you wouldn't be going on your date, or be in the relationship. Stop making him answer silly questions. He thinks the world of you.

- don't wear P.J's on your first date

- he can't read your mind.  communicate.

- he's not shia lebeouf, matt damon, or any other actor you think he may need to be compared to.  love him for who he is. 

- don't throw a fit if he doesn't pick out the exact style of purse you really wanted.  The fact that he wandered into purse world is gift enough.  In this case, it REALLY is the thought that counts.

- go easy on him if he doesn't get the hint after the 3rd time that you're not interested in him.

- don't twist his words around.  If he says he's tired, he doesn't mean you're boring. He's just tired.

- if he's really not into something you're into, don't fault him.  and if he's into something you're not into, at least give it a try.  Sharing the experience with him might just make it more enjoyable- ie: sports games, art shows, concerts, etc.

- if he asks you out for coffee, don't assume he wants to marry you.  He just wants to get to know you better.

- Don't you dare talk to him about how he compares to your previous boyfriends (good or bad)

- he's not your human ATM machine.  don't make him buy you everything.

- don't pressure him if he doesn't want to go to baby or wedding showers

- give him his nights out with the fellas.  you need it just as much as he does.

- On movie dates: don't always make him watch a chick flick with you.  Alternate who gets to choose the movie. and be cool with it.

- Good Idea: smelling nice for the date.  Bad Idea: Showering in perfume for the date.

FOR GUYS:

- telling lies...even little ones= not cool. just be honest.

- don't let us boss you around all the time.  

- if your girl/friend thinks a baby is cute, don't assume she wants to have 90 of them with you the next day.  

- Good Idea: snuggling on the couch for movie night in house.  Bad Idea: EVERY date is snuggling on the couch for movie night in house.

- when we say, "I'm not interested." we mean it. sorry.

- don't fight with her parents.  they can be your biggest ally if you let them be.

- keeping ex-girlfriends numbers on your phone...so not cool

- madden 09 is not a gift we're looking forward to getting (for most girls- super sport fan girls are the exception, but make sure she is before getting it)

- if a girl is dating someone else, don't dis her boyfriend just to make yourself look good. cause it makes you look really bad.

- she's not your mom

- she's not elle mcpherson, catherine zeta jones, or any other super fine fox you might like on the big screen or magazine.  love her for who she is.

- when "Aunt Flo" comes to visit, offer chocolate.  And be brave enough to go down the Sanitary aisle for her.

- Use pick up lines sparingly.  Most of the time, saying hello is an easier approach.

- protect her, but don't be overprotective.

- don't forget she's around when the guys come over.

These are just some thoughts from me.  Things I've learned from watching other relationships.  It's not absolute.  But I just thought I'd share.  And if any of you blog readers have other advice, please leave a comment.  :D

Pigskin Road

I was in the Colorguard in High School, so we went to EVERY football game.
I grew up in Austin, TX so football is like...a religion
My entire family is in love with football...

but I'm not. :(

I know, I know...a disgrace. But really, I don't GET football. And every time I try to understand it, it just confuses me more. So, it's guys...running toward each other trying to get a pigskin football...to run across a football field...to win points...and I don't understand why. I know that my dad is probably reading this and shaking his head... hahahahaha...it's okay dad, I know how much you love it!

Last year, I went to a football game on my own accord, but I must admit, I went because I wanted to hear the band, and I wanted to see some people I knew there. I didn't pay attention to the game much at all. I know that there are some girls who LOVE football. I'm just not one of them. I don't know why. But yeah, I won't be watching the big game today. :( I hope all goes well and that too many guys don't go off the deep end if their teams don't win.

Glamorous

The SAG Awards have come and gone, and as an award show fan, I must apologize for my neglect.i missed them! :( But I did read the updates and I'm really excited for all the winners. And I must say, that this round of awards...the dresses were just stunning! Here are my favorites:

AMERICA FERRERA:
Okay, so I don't think I've seen anyone so glowing and gorgeous!! For playing a character on a show called UGLY BETTY...America really knows how to class it up!! She's always got such great dresses and outfits on! She's my fashion hero! :D


ROSARIO DAWSON:
I promise I'm not just capitalizing on the Latinas... Rosario Dawson is absolutely stunning in this outfit! I love the silver bracelet accent and the way the tight wrap falls out at the bottom...and her makeup is so glam!


CLARE DANES:
Okay so usually, I'm not a fan of Clare Danes' outfits. Mainly because everytime I see her, I think of the scenes in her movies where she cries...and it's a kind of irritating cry. She's a good actress..it's just the crying...kinda throws me off. :( But in this dress...she looks so gorgeous! This really is a "power" gown for her, I think. It makes her seem taller and more confident and less 'mousy.' I love it! She's so glamorous!


KYRA SEDGWICK:
It's no surprise that Kyra rocks with the older hollywood crowd...but for being older..she is so captivating in this dress! I love the black and white look and she totally pulls it off with style!

The Story Of A Girl

So I bought the latest issue of Psychology Today, and came across a really good article. And it reminded me of some stuff I have been researching lately. And it's all about girls. The pressure and expectations on girls in modern day society. It's a topic I've actually researched for a while. From reading books about the initiation process that girls have when joining a gang, to the expectations put on girls for big events like Quincineras and Sweet 16 parties, to girls bullying girls in school. The subject really interests me, mainly because I've been in those shoes, and I have a feeling that if you're female and reading this post, you've experienced some of the crazy "expectations" put on girls by society, and even our own families.

I remember a time when I was in like, the 4th or 5th grade when I was over at my aunt's house because all the fam was having their annual poker night. Me and my cousin were just running around the house playing and then I went to get a snack from the kitchen. And my grandma made the stern comment, "Look at you. You're getting so fat. You need to lose weight." I remember just feeling so disgusted with myself. I was just a kid. But for the longest time, those words stuck with me. And it took me what seems like FOREVER to be able to look at myself in the mirror and actually be in love with the person staring right back at me. To be able to look in the mirror and say, "You are beautiful." But now that I can, and do frequently (and totally mean it!) I realize how freeing it is to be completely unique, and completely okay with the person that I am.

I am finally comfortable in my own skin!



So it makes so much sense that I have this desire to help mentor girls of all ages who have low self-esteem and who deal with major stress issues and to give them encouragement and hope and love and life. I recently was doing some research on some various song lyrics of songs I've heard here and there and just made notes to look up the lyrics and meanings to. Tori Amos wrote a song once called CORNFLAKE GIRL, and it's this really obscure song, and a lot of her stuff has some crazy meanings, so I looked into it and I was really really inspired by what she said about the song:

"I read the Alice Walker book, Possessing the Secret of Joy, and there's umm, in that book, the mothers take the daughters to the butchers to have their, let's say their genitalia removed. And even though it's a patriarchal culture that she's talking about, and that this custom was put into practice a long, long time ago by the patriarchy, it's the mothers that take their daughters. And, what I was singing about was, it's funny how from generation to generation women really betray each other in the ladies' room. There is a whole secret society that happens, and a lot of times a mother will say 'I'm doing this for your good' whether it was binding the feet in the Eastern cultures or whether it's marrying your daughter to this gangrene, smelly-breathed, old, decrepit, rotting scumbag that's 80 years old with dough. 'You know, this is really the best for you,' when the truth is, it's the best for everybody else. And, that's an extreme of women's relationships brought to just like, your girlfriend that you're hanging out with, but betrayal is betrayal, and I was thrown in to many situations as I was reading that book where girls, my girls, we were just dissin' each other. The things that we were doing, umm, it's like I would have never imagined that we could be so unsupportive of each other, and it was just happening while I was reading this book, and Cornflake Girl is the betrayal really of girls."
-- Tori; 99X Radio Interview, 08/05/94

And after reading that, it just reminded me of so many things I've researched where it all comes down to this innate societal expectation and feeling of women trying to be better and to be the best and to be the prettiest this and the cutest this and the smartest that, and all the while, failing to just be comfortable in their own skin.  And knowing there are parents and older and younger sisters judge them depending on what they look like, or how popular they are in school and how many boys are interested in them.  And I just can't help but be so angry with that.    

I realize that to a lot of people, my niece is just darling.  But when I talk to her and hang out with her, I think it's so important for me to remind her that she is beautiful.  That she is smart.  That she is amazing.  That she is loved.  And I make it a point to let her know that no matter what, she is all of those things.  There was a time when I was visiting in November and she wanted to wear a dress and it was REALLY cold outside, so I told her she should put on pants.  And she started crying and said, "but Daddy likes this dress!"  And she was so distraught.  4 years old, and stressing about what to wear already!   So I told her she could wear both, but that she should know that no matter what she wears, she's beautiful and daddy will love her anyway.  

After reading the article and reading some statistics, I thought to myself, how I wish I could hug every girl out there and tell her that.  That no matter what, just because she is, she's beautiful and she deserves to know how wonderful she is.

Here are some of the statistics I've come across:

- Only 2% of women around the world describe themselves as beautiful

- 81% of women in the US strongly agree that "the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can't ever achieve."

- 7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members

- 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities, such as eating disorders, cutting, bullying, smoking or drinking when feeling badly about themselves (Compared to 25% of girls with high self-esteem)

- 57% of all girls have a mother who criticizes her own looks

In the Psychology Today article, Steve Hinshaw, author of a soon-to-be-released book titled:  THE TRIPLE BIND, states:

"...girls today are subjected to unrealistic pressures from society and the media, and their once-private identity struggles are now public, thanks to the internet.  Girls are still socialized to be nurturing caregivers but are now  pressured to excel academically and athletically as much as boys- all while remaining thin, sexy and beautiful."

Through the years, girls have been subjected to the magnifying glass of society more and more, and have been made to live over-scheduled, overtaxed, over-sexualized lives and they tend to take it out on one another in traditional competition style.  And to add insult to injury, some are even finding it easier to take it out on themselves.  I believe that it is our responsibility as human beings to care for one another.  And if that means simply telling someone genuinely that they look beautiful, or that they are smart, or that they are worthwhile, let's do it!