And after I read it, it brought to my mind something about love. I've been really lucky to observe many awesome love relationship and many crappy love relationships. I've been able to talk to so many people in so many unique relationships and I've learned a LOT along the way. What's funny about this is that I haven't ever dated anyone...my entire life...yet. But I have so many guy friends and girl friends who will come to me for insight/advice when it comes to liking someone romantically. Being great friends equally with guys and girls has taught me a lot about the human heart and tons of other things. But I decided to take some time today and just blog out some things I've shared, and some I haven't for all those who might have questions about love love love...
First of all, let me say that I think LOVE, real LOVE is a beautiful thing. I think crushes are beautiful too, because whether it actually works out or not, you learn a LOT about yourself. You learn about what triggers your heart to love. You learn about your own selfish needs and wants, and whether they should get the merit they tend to receive. And you learn how to dream for something more than just the mundane things in life. And if it doesn't work out, you learn to not give up, to recover from a "crushed" heart, and how to evaluate what went wrong so that it can be fixed in the future.
So, on that note, here are some words of advice I have for you:
FOR BOTH GUYS AND GIRLS:
- don't expect the other person to be perfect.
- love is a give and take thing. If you're not willing to give the other person a listening ear, instead of a talking mouth, things will head south quickly.
- be aware of the things you're saying to the other person when you're not moving your mouth.
- realize you're different people and not just pod people, and move forward from there.
- they won't notice you if you're not at least making an effort to be noticed. Most of the time, walking up and saying hi will get you 'in the door'
- take your time and enjoy the friendship/relationship
- don't spend all your time together. make sure you save time for your friends and family too!
- you don't have to copy other people's relationships. make yours unique!
- make an effort to make friends with their friends
- when showing affection in public, don't be gross. it's possible to show love without re-enacting a dirty romance scene. ps: dry humping in public is sick.
- being in a relationship with him/her won't solve all of your personal problems, but you can both learn from one another along the way
- he DOESN'T think you look fat. If he did, you wouldn't be going on your date, or be in the relationship. Stop making him answer silly questions. He thinks the world of you.
- don't wear P.J's on your first date
- he can't read your mind. communicate.
- he's not shia lebeouf, matt damon, or any other actor you think he may need to be compared to. love him for who he is.
- don't throw a fit if he doesn't pick out the exact style of purse you really wanted. The fact that he wandered into purse world is gift enough. In this case, it REALLY is the thought that counts.
- go easy on him if he doesn't get the hint after the 3rd time that you're not interested in him.
- don't twist his words around. If he says he's tired, he doesn't mean you're boring. He's just tired.
- if he's really not into something you're into, don't fault him. and if he's into something you're not into, at least give it a try. Sharing the experience with him might just make it more enjoyable- ie: sports games, art shows, concerts, etc.
- if he asks you out for coffee, don't assume he wants to marry you. He just wants to get to know you better.
- Don't you dare talk to him about how he compares to your previous boyfriends (good or bad)
- he's not your human ATM machine. don't make him buy you everything.
- don't pressure him if he doesn't want to go to baby or wedding showers
- give him his nights out with the fellas. you need it just as much as he does.
- On movie dates: don't always make him watch a chick flick with you. Alternate who gets to choose the movie. and be cool with it.
- Good Idea: smelling nice for the date. Bad Idea: Showering in perfume for the date.
- telling lies...even little ones= not cool. just be honest.
- don't let us boss you around all the time.
- if your girl/friend thinks a baby is cute, don't assume she wants to have 90 of them with you the next day.
- Good Idea: snuggling on the couch for movie night in house. Bad Idea: EVERY date is snuggling on the couch for movie night in house.
- when we say, "I'm not interested." we mean it. sorry.
- don't fight with her parents. they can be your biggest ally if you let them be.
- keeping ex-girlfriends numbers on your phone...so not cool
- madden 09 is not a gift we're looking forward to getting (for most girls- super sport fan girls are the exception, but make sure she is before getting it)
- if a girl is dating someone else, don't dis her boyfriend just to make yourself look good. cause it makes you look really bad.
- she's not your mom
- she's not elle mcpherson, catherine zeta jones, or any other super fine fox you might like on the big screen or magazine. love her for who she is.
- when "Aunt Flo" comes to visit, offer chocolate. And be brave enough to go down the Sanitary aisle for her.
- Use pick up lines sparingly. Most of the time, saying hello is an easier approach.
- protect her, but don't be overprotective.
- don't forget she's around when the guys come over.
These are just some thoughts from me. Things I've learned from watching other relationships. It's not absolute. But I just thought I'd share. And if any of you blog readers have other advice, please leave a comment. :D