The Little Things You Give Away

I don't think I've done this in a while, but for today's post, I'm going to link to another blog post that I think is worth reading. Here are things it will do for you (with a 95% GUARANTEE):

1. Make you smile.
2. Make you cry.
3. Make you think about the people in your life that mean the most to you.
4. Make your heart hurt.
5. Put you in the writer's "shoes" so to speak—it's very well written
6. Make you cry some more.
7. Make you realize the beauty of life
8. Make you realize that sometimes the best blessings look different than we planned.
9. Make you smile some more.
10. Make you want to share love with someone in need.

(thanks to Kelley for the link)

CLICK HERE IF YOU DARE

American Love

3 more days until I see Jack's Mannequin live!!! I'm sooooo excited!!!

As a songwriter, Andrew McMahon's style and his ability to write clever songs that speak deep into your heart and mind, and challenge the way you think about life and the things around you really inspire me to make the things that I write follow suit. Our words and experiences are obviously different, but the way he uses language to its fullest to convey a deeper meaning is just very inspirational to me. One of my favorite songs that he sings is called American Love and the funny thing is that the way the song came about was pretty different from his typical approach to songwriting—but he tried something new and it came to be this great song that challenges the way we see love. And it starts out like this:

You see I got this American Love
A brand new planet in my solar system
I kiss her neck but I just can't look her in the eye

And THAT challenges me because it's so true. As people, we crave intimacy, but a lot of times we're not willing to go through every situation that leads to true intimacy. We want to have love and touch and feel so amazing, but not if it causes us to face our own demons or our own issues. I've seen a lot of relationships fail. I've seen a lot of them succeed. The thing that separates them is the ability of the people in them to give and take equally, and readily face each situation with truth, honor, and unconditional love.

When I think of relationships and dating, I think one of the best things is the ability to learn more about yourself through the life that you take time to invest in, to love unconditionally, to grow with. It's a challenge. It's a blessing and a curse. But the best blessing and the best curse. I must admit, part of what frightens me about being in a relationship with someone else is having to step outside of myself and on a consistent basis put someone else's needs before mine. I'm pretty selfish. Most wouldn't see this right away. I value my close friends because they've spent quality time with me and have seen me get bratty because I didn't get my way or because I felt inconvenienced—and it wasn't pretty. But what I love about them is that they challenge me to get over myself. They walk through situations with me and they're not afraid to tell me I'm wrong or that I need to try to see things from a different perspective. And because of them, I learn all the time what my triggers are and what I can do to avoid a meltdown or a shutdown. And every time I learn, I get better and the next time isn't as bad. I haven't completely tamed the dragon of selfishness in my life, but I've gotten closer and I get burned less and less the closer I get to it.

All week I've been listening to Jack's Mannequin, and getting more and more excited. The words to American Love really do challenge me.

In my non-romantic relationships—do I let people see the real me? Or do I put up a front just to look like I've got my life all figured out? Do I offer them a friendship with stipulations or am I truly able to keep them close without strings attached? And when I come close to veering towards the negative side of things in the relationships, do I trust God and do I trust them to point me in the right direction?

In my romantic relationship(s)—will I be able to see past their flaws and meet them halfway in arguments? Will I value their mind as much as their looks and talents? Will I let them help me get over myself? Will I trust them fully with my heart? Will it just be about physical intimacy or will there be meaning and purpose behind the things we endeavor to do as a team?

It's a challenge. One I'm willing to take on. One step at a time and I will reach my goal—to live and love on purpose, with purpose, endeavoring to have meaningful relationships with people.

Breakeven

I'm looking back on all the life that you gave me
And I've never felt more alive
No words explain all the ways that you changed me
The way you made wrong things right

There will be days that I'm barely hanging on
And then I'll think of you, and you and me
But when everything has turned shades of gray
You still color the world around me

-Color the World by Amanda Martinez

Last night was very eventful—and I'm not just talking about the football game. For the past few weeks, one of my co-worker's husband has been in critical condition in the ICU with some serious organ failure due to a bout with Hepatitis C. Yesterday at the end of the work day, we got the call that she was going to take him off of life support. A bunch of my co-workers were going to be going to the hospital to be with her in that moment. In the grand scheme of things, I'd never met her husband and she and I were not especially close—but I knew I needed to be there. No one should die alone, and no one should have to go through the death of a loved one alone. She needed people she could cry with, share memories with, and just BE with. I wanted her to know that I was there for her.

A bunch of us showed up and suited up (so that we wouldn't catch any diseases from her dying husband) and surrounded my co-worker with love and support. It was one of the most powerful displays of affection and family I'd seen in a while. My co-worker's husband's family was not very close and so very few of them showed up (even during the course of the hospitalization). Our entire staff was there, save for two people who had colds and therefore couldn't join us. We were their family—and it showed.

I got to watch an amazing woman express her love and honor to this wonderful man who had an uncanny way of making her come alive, and come out of hiding. I loved watching her love and care for him while we were there, caressing his pallid bony skin and bragging about how handsome he still is. I think one of the sweeter moments for me was when she turned directly to me and said,

"Amanda, I wish you two could have met. Ray would have loved you and loved spending time with you. He would've loved your big heart and your witty sense of humor and he would have loved hearing you sing your songs."

She didn't say it as an off-the-cuff nicety. She meant it and it caught my attention. It's not so much the accolades that caught my attention, but the fact that she, having known and loved this man, could speak for him with such certainty—she knew him that well. It moved my heart. So I wrote about it—I've included some of the first round lyrics (Color The World) at the top of the post. I'm still working on the song, but being in that room, witnessing that tender honest love inspired me that true love is, in fact, not lost. It is waiting, and I'll be ready when it shows it's lovely face. :)

What's Love Got To Do With It

I came across this hilarious article at msn.com today. go ahead... try to read it without laughing out loud!

And after I read it, it brought to my mind something about love. I've been really lucky to observe many awesome love relationship and many crappy love relationships. I've been able to talk to so many people in so many unique relationships and I've learned a LOT along the way. What's funny about this is that I haven't ever dated anyone...my entire life...yet. But I have so many guy friends and girl friends who will come to me for insight/advice when it comes to liking someone romantically. Being great friends equally with guys and girls has taught me a lot about the human heart and tons of other things. But I decided to take some time today and just blog out some things I've shared, and some I haven't for all those who might have questions about love love love...

First of all, let me say that I think LOVE, real LOVE is a beautiful thing. I think crushes are beautiful too, because whether it actually works out or not, you learn a LOT about yourself. You learn about what triggers your heart to love. You learn about your own selfish needs and wants, and whether they should get the merit they tend to receive. And you learn how to dream for something more than just the mundane things in life. And if it doesn't work out, you learn to not give up, to recover from a "crushed" heart, and how to evaluate what went wrong so that it can be fixed in the future.

So, on that note, here are some words of advice I have for you:

FOR BOTH GUYS AND GIRLS:
- don't expect the other person to be perfect.
- love is a give and take thing. If you're not willing to give the other person a listening ear, instead of a talking mouth, things will head south quickly.
- be aware of the things you're saying to the other person when you're not moving your mouth.
- realize you're different people and not just pod people, and move forward from there.  
- they won't notice you if you're not at least making an effort to be noticed. Most of the time, walking up and saying hi will get you 'in the door'
- take your time and enjoy the friendship/relationship
- don't spend all your time together. make sure you save time for your friends and family too!

- you don't have to copy other people's relationships. make yours unique!

- make an effort to make friends with their friends

- when showing affection in public, don't be gross.  it's possible to show love without re-enacting a dirty romance scene.  ps: dry humping in public is sick.

- being in a relationship with him/her won't solve all of your personal problems, but you can both learn from one another along the way

FOR GIRLS:
- he DOESN'T think you look fat. If he did, you wouldn't be going on your date, or be in the relationship. Stop making him answer silly questions. He thinks the world of you.

- don't wear P.J's on your first date

- he can't read your mind.  communicate.

- he's not shia lebeouf, matt damon, or any other actor you think he may need to be compared to.  love him for who he is. 

- don't throw a fit if he doesn't pick out the exact style of purse you really wanted.  The fact that he wandered into purse world is gift enough.  In this case, it REALLY is the thought that counts.

- go easy on him if he doesn't get the hint after the 3rd time that you're not interested in him.

- don't twist his words around.  If he says he's tired, he doesn't mean you're boring. He's just tired.

- if he's really not into something you're into, don't fault him.  and if he's into something you're not into, at least give it a try.  Sharing the experience with him might just make it more enjoyable- ie: sports games, art shows, concerts, etc.

- if he asks you out for coffee, don't assume he wants to marry you.  He just wants to get to know you better.

- Don't you dare talk to him about how he compares to your previous boyfriends (good or bad)

- he's not your human ATM machine.  don't make him buy you everything.

- don't pressure him if he doesn't want to go to baby or wedding showers

- give him his nights out with the fellas.  you need it just as much as he does.

- On movie dates: don't always make him watch a chick flick with you.  Alternate who gets to choose the movie. and be cool with it.

- Good Idea: smelling nice for the date.  Bad Idea: Showering in perfume for the date.

FOR GUYS:

- telling lies...even little ones= not cool. just be honest.

- don't let us boss you around all the time.  

- if your girl/friend thinks a baby is cute, don't assume she wants to have 90 of them with you the next day.  

- Good Idea: snuggling on the couch for movie night in house.  Bad Idea: EVERY date is snuggling on the couch for movie night in house.

- when we say, "I'm not interested." we mean it. sorry.

- don't fight with her parents.  they can be your biggest ally if you let them be.

- keeping ex-girlfriends numbers on your phone...so not cool

- madden 09 is not a gift we're looking forward to getting (for most girls- super sport fan girls are the exception, but make sure she is before getting it)

- if a girl is dating someone else, don't dis her boyfriend just to make yourself look good. cause it makes you look really bad.

- she's not your mom

- she's not elle mcpherson, catherine zeta jones, or any other super fine fox you might like on the big screen or magazine.  love her for who she is.

- when "Aunt Flo" comes to visit, offer chocolate.  And be brave enough to go down the Sanitary aisle for her.

- Use pick up lines sparingly.  Most of the time, saying hello is an easier approach.

- protect her, but don't be overprotective.

- don't forget she's around when the guys come over.

These are just some thoughts from me.  Things I've learned from watching other relationships.  It's not absolute.  But I just thought I'd share.  And if any of you blog readers have other advice, please leave a comment.  :D

Love Like This

Happy Valentine's Day to you all!! :D I hope that for those of you who are married or in a relationship you are doing something special today to show that person how much you love them! :D Love is a great thing, isn't it? Just. It is. :D And since I am not currently dating anyone, I'm choosing today to reflect on the love I have for other things and people in my life! For everyone in my life: I LOVE YOU so much and I hope you realize how much you mean to me! :D

So in honor of those things and people, I've put together a little video to show my love:


thanks for watching and for checking out my blog! Have a super amazing day!! :D

PS: if you didn't make it into the video...i am so sorry...i'm only allowed to have a certain amount of video on this site. :( but i still love you mucho!!!

And now I leave you with one of my favorite love songs:

If You Asked Me To

If you asked me to come up with a "lovey dovey" playlist for Valentine's Day, this is what it would look like:

I hope you have a great Valentine's Day tomorrow. :D

Nobody Knows Me At All

25 random things about me:

1. I love the BBC Version of Pride and Prejudice and stubbornly refuse to watch any other versions.

2. I totally love Psychology

3. I usually buy cell phones because i think they're cool looking or have cool features, not necessarily for their functionality

4. I am an army brat

5. I am really bad at sports....like...ALL of them!

6. My idea of camping involves a cabin with a TV, DVD Player, and Fireplace.

7. I love quoting lines from movies, and in everyday conversation, certain phrases make me think of lines from movies and my whole demeanor will change because all i can think of is that moment in the film

8. I really want to visit Barcelona and Madrid, Spain

9. I exist in Bear form (my friend owns a build a bear that resembles me!)

10. My dream car is an indie blue mini cooper s with white racing stripes

11. My favorite foods are: Red Robin's Mushroom and Swiss burger and Pizza Hut's Stuffed Crust Pepperoni and Black Olive pizza! Although I don't get to eat either very much anymore, if I did, it would be a MEGA treat!

12. I love making people laugh

13. The majority of my blog titles are song titles. And I stole the idea from One Tree Hill...because all of their episode titles are either album or song titles :D

14. I wish I could dance professionally...like all kinds of dances. And I kind of wish I had a dance studio where I could just make up dance choreography and teach others.

15. I am a completely idealistic person

16. I do my best to "qualify" people before i "disqualify" them.

17. I am afraid of heights and falling from them

18. I am wary of putting people on pedestals and of being put on a pedestal

19. I am in love with love

20, I am really bad at math

21. It's really easy for me to be a jerk to my parents because I know that they will still love me no matter what.

22. I would rather tell a guy up front how i feel about him, than leave him wondering

23. I love living in Seattle!

24. I love to teach!

25. I wish my brother had a facebook. :D

The Story Of A Girl

So I bought the latest issue of Psychology Today, and came across a really good article. And it reminded me of some stuff I have been researching lately. And it's all about girls. The pressure and expectations on girls in modern day society. It's a topic I've actually researched for a while. From reading books about the initiation process that girls have when joining a gang, to the expectations put on girls for big events like Quincineras and Sweet 16 parties, to girls bullying girls in school. The subject really interests me, mainly because I've been in those shoes, and I have a feeling that if you're female and reading this post, you've experienced some of the crazy "expectations" put on girls by society, and even our own families.

I remember a time when I was in like, the 4th or 5th grade when I was over at my aunt's house because all the fam was having their annual poker night. Me and my cousin were just running around the house playing and then I went to get a snack from the kitchen. And my grandma made the stern comment, "Look at you. You're getting so fat. You need to lose weight." I remember just feeling so disgusted with myself. I was just a kid. But for the longest time, those words stuck with me. And it took me what seems like FOREVER to be able to look at myself in the mirror and actually be in love with the person staring right back at me. To be able to look in the mirror and say, "You are beautiful." But now that I can, and do frequently (and totally mean it!) I realize how freeing it is to be completely unique, and completely okay with the person that I am.

I am finally comfortable in my own skin!



So it makes so much sense that I have this desire to help mentor girls of all ages who have low self-esteem and who deal with major stress issues and to give them encouragement and hope and love and life. I recently was doing some research on some various song lyrics of songs I've heard here and there and just made notes to look up the lyrics and meanings to. Tori Amos wrote a song once called CORNFLAKE GIRL, and it's this really obscure song, and a lot of her stuff has some crazy meanings, so I looked into it and I was really really inspired by what she said about the song:

"I read the Alice Walker book, Possessing the Secret of Joy, and there's umm, in that book, the mothers take the daughters to the butchers to have their, let's say their genitalia removed. And even though it's a patriarchal culture that she's talking about, and that this custom was put into practice a long, long time ago by the patriarchy, it's the mothers that take their daughters. And, what I was singing about was, it's funny how from generation to generation women really betray each other in the ladies' room. There is a whole secret society that happens, and a lot of times a mother will say 'I'm doing this for your good' whether it was binding the feet in the Eastern cultures or whether it's marrying your daughter to this gangrene, smelly-breathed, old, decrepit, rotting scumbag that's 80 years old with dough. 'You know, this is really the best for you,' when the truth is, it's the best for everybody else. And, that's an extreme of women's relationships brought to just like, your girlfriend that you're hanging out with, but betrayal is betrayal, and I was thrown in to many situations as I was reading that book where girls, my girls, we were just dissin' each other. The things that we were doing, umm, it's like I would have never imagined that we could be so unsupportive of each other, and it was just happening while I was reading this book, and Cornflake Girl is the betrayal really of girls."
-- Tori; 99X Radio Interview, 08/05/94

And after reading that, it just reminded me of so many things I've researched where it all comes down to this innate societal expectation and feeling of women trying to be better and to be the best and to be the prettiest this and the cutest this and the smartest that, and all the while, failing to just be comfortable in their own skin.  And knowing there are parents and older and younger sisters judge them depending on what they look like, or how popular they are in school and how many boys are interested in them.  And I just can't help but be so angry with that.    

I realize that to a lot of people, my niece is just darling.  But when I talk to her and hang out with her, I think it's so important for me to remind her that she is beautiful.  That she is smart.  That she is amazing.  That she is loved.  And I make it a point to let her know that no matter what, she is all of those things.  There was a time when I was visiting in November and she wanted to wear a dress and it was REALLY cold outside, so I told her she should put on pants.  And she started crying and said, "but Daddy likes this dress!"  And she was so distraught.  4 years old, and stressing about what to wear already!   So I told her she could wear both, but that she should know that no matter what she wears, she's beautiful and daddy will love her anyway.  

After reading the article and reading some statistics, I thought to myself, how I wish I could hug every girl out there and tell her that.  That no matter what, just because she is, she's beautiful and she deserves to know how wonderful she is.

Here are some of the statistics I've come across:

- Only 2% of women around the world describe themselves as beautiful

- 81% of women in the US strongly agree that "the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can't ever achieve."

- 7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members

- 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities, such as eating disorders, cutting, bullying, smoking or drinking when feeling badly about themselves (Compared to 25% of girls with high self-esteem)

- 57% of all girls have a mother who criticizes her own looks

In the Psychology Today article, Steve Hinshaw, author of a soon-to-be-released book titled:  THE TRIPLE BIND, states:

"...girls today are subjected to unrealistic pressures from society and the media, and their once-private identity struggles are now public, thanks to the internet.  Girls are still socialized to be nurturing caregivers but are now  pressured to excel academically and athletically as much as boys- all while remaining thin, sexy and beautiful."

Through the years, girls have been subjected to the magnifying glass of society more and more, and have been made to live over-scheduled, overtaxed, over-sexualized lives and they tend to take it out on one another in traditional competition style.  And to add insult to injury, some are even finding it easier to take it out on themselves.  I believe that it is our responsibility as human beings to care for one another.  And if that means simply telling someone genuinely that they look beautiful, or that they are smart, or that they are worthwhile, let's do it!  

Hazy

So I came across this song, which is set to be featured in one of the next few episodes of One Tree Hill.  It's a song by a chick named ROSI GOLAN and features William Fitzsimmons called "HAZY."  And it really sparked a few thoughts in my mind.  It made me think about wedded bliss.  Like, when people are in that blissed out happy stage of marriage where everything is perfect.  And it made me think about how so many people are like, "but once that stage fades out, marriage just fades along with it."  And that is just so sad to me.  Because I am such an idealist, I can't imagine anything but smiles, love, fighting/making up, and a deep appreciation for the gift that God blesses me with.  I hope that even in the hard times, I can see past financial strain, and past job-related headaches, and beyond my own selfish whiny-ness and just stop and say, "You know what honey?  Let's just take a minute to stop.  Let's put on this song and dance and remember why we fell in love in the first place."  Cause I think that if I ever forget just how amazingly special that person is to me, then things are really just gonna suck...and I'm dedicated to making my future marriage just plain breathtakingly amazing.  So, for all you married couples who are feeling strained or drained, or just at a dry point...please stop for a moment, go to iTunes and buy this song, then put the kids to bed early with the promise of pancakes in the morning, grab your honey-bunny...and dance to this song in your living room and just remember for a moment how special that person is to you and enjoy each other's smiles and warm touches, and heart.  :D



THE LYRICS:
I watched you sleeping quietly in my bed
You don’t know this now but there’s some things that need to be said
And it’s all that I can hear, It’s more than I can bare

What if I fall and hurt myself? Would you know how to fix me
What if I went and lost myself? Would you know where to find me
If I forgot who I am, would you please remind me oh?
Cause without you things go hazy