Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts. It's about to get a little ranty up in here.
One thing that I've bragged about for the past few years is that while a lot of my friends got the "Why aren't you married with kids yet?" talk from their parents, my parents had been silent on the issue. THAT was truly something I appreciated. Until a couple of weeks ago, when I got a call in which I had to explain to one of my parents that there were actually some pretty valid reasons why I'm not married yet.
Can I just take a moment to say, as a young (yes I still consider 28 to be young) single woman, how refreshing it is not to feel any pressure to be in a relationship with someone just because it's what is expected by society? I just cannot express to you so much how freeing it's been to not have anyone in my life questioning my life choices when it comes to finding the man I want to marry. I've been able to browse all by myself, on my own terms, and develop my own shopping list when it comes to finding the guy I want to devote some quality time to? It is entirely liberating.
But then I got the call. Then I had to explain that first and foremost, the reason I'm not in a relationship is not because I don't WANT to be, but because the only people that have asked me out are 40 year-old creepy guys on the bus, who are not my type. And yes, I do have a type; and NO, my type is not the knight-in-shining armor, riding in on a white horse delivering cards, candy, and flowers covered in diamonds. But being a young, independent woman, I know who I am and what I like, and I know what I'm willing to work for in the guy department.
Getting that call did not make me want to go out and find someone around the corner to get married do, but it did make me wonder why it mattered to anyone that I am still young and single. The thing that I always come back to is: "Who said that I have to be married with kids at 28? or 29 for that matter? Who says I have to have kids right out of the gate after I get married? Who says I have to have 5 kids of my own before I can feel fulfilled as a woman? Who?" Oh, I know who (and I'm not saying it's my parents, because up until now, they had not joined that chorus). Those questions that are always on my mind kind of came to a head during that conversation. I think it was interesting for my parents to hear my point of view on the matter—that I don't answer to those who think it's my job as a woman to settle for "the next available someone that I can have kids with." I take relationships and marriage a little more serious than that.
If you were to take an outside look at my friendships, you could gather that I spend a lot of time and energy pouring into those relationships. And those are just my basic friendships. Throw intimacy and a deeper, honest friendship in the mix and I'm not just going to treat it like it's a kitten in a box on the side of the road. If I think it has value, which I do, I'm going to go into it full force with 10x the attention, care, concern, and devotion that I would a basic friendship. So (in my opinion) for people in society to think that someone who is in their younger years and not romantically attached to someone (thus giving them some semblance of "mattering" to the world around them), are somehow 'less than' or 'missing the mark,' is absolutely absurd.
I understand that there sare some people that are married who feel like everyone else around them should be married: We could do married people stuff together! We could talk about our husbands together! We could have kids at the same time and they can have playdates together and then we can talk about how my son will marry your daughter and we'll plan their whole lives for them!!! What could be more fun?
I'll tell you what could be more fun. It would be more fun if married people would let time work its magic, like it did with them. It would be more fun if married people would let love progress under its personal circumstances, like it did with them. It would be SO much fun if married people would pray for my future, and that I would make wise choices. It would be SO much fun if married people would remember the pressures they felt when walking into relationships that led them to their mates, and help me work through those when the time comes.
I believe there is power in a woman who is confident in who she is even if she not furiously planning her wedding with the person she has just moved beyond being "just friends" with. And I worry for young women who only see their worth in being attached to a man. Am I against dating someone right now, Not.At.All. In fact, I have even ventured into online dating sites because I realize that I am at a point where I'm comfortable enough with who I am that I'm open to dating. But I have to say that even if I don't find someone this weekend to go on a date with me, I'm okay. I still have plenty of life in me, and there is still PLENTY of time for me to share it with the person I'm going to marry. And I will—in due time—to someone who adds just what I need to my life, and who I'm willing to build a life together with.
But until that time, I'm not rushing into things. I believe that love is a powerful thing and I'm not afraid to learn along the way, but I'm also not just going to pass my heart out like it's a SWAG item at a convention. It will be worked for, fought for, looked after, and cared for. I'm not afraid of love, or marriage, or kids, but I AM wary of rushing past the sweet moments that will bring fullness of life in my relationships.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A Little Bit Of Red
Introducing a new sermon series:
I feel that lately, I've had this certain argument so much more often: The Issue of using Twitter and Facebook and maintaining a blog. I don't know if I'm just completely naive (which is a valid possibility), or if others just have a skewed view of me and my approach to technology. Let me begin by clearing the air:
I love technology. I embrace technology. I am aware that technology has the potential to steal one's time. I am aware that technology in unhealthy amounts can cause a person's life to become unbalanced . . . however, I believe the same about unhealthy amounts of fast food (ie: the new KFC heart attack "sandwich"), tanning, and pretty much just about anything in life. If it's an unhealthy amount, it throws ya' off.
For the record, I am not writing this as an attack. I am merely sharing my thoughts openly about something that has been coming up in my life sooooo much recently. In fact, you might be surprised just how often this topic comes up in my various circles of friends that I have here. There have been some who seem to think that I have an unhealthy amount of technology in my life, due to the fact that I have a Facebook, a Twitter, a Blog, and a Smart Phone. I suppose I may come across to some as a vapid tech junkie, but I think that those who know me best would say that I only add things to my life that I know I can maintain and that I think are beneficial. I also think they would say that I know when enough is enough and I'm able to say no when something is enough—it's been a long hard road to get to the point where I can do that, but I feel I'm getting better and better at it.
Last Wednesday, I was challenged by a friend of mine to go an entire day without using my phone, laptop, or the internet. He had also recently shared about a radio broadcast that NPR did about how radio waves from cell phones will over time cause our society to become more and more immoral. He mentioned that I should take time out to go outside and read a book. He said I should spend all day Saturday tech-free. I accepted the challenge—it's not too far from my ordinary Saturday. The only downfall was that instead of doing my writing on a computer, I had to jot down notes on a notebook that I had to re-type into my computer today. The challenge was most likely meant to get me to re-evaluate my view of technology and its power in my life. If that was in fact the challenge, then it was a success on both ends. I rose to the challenge and was able to re-evaluate my view on technology. The following are the thoughts I had throughout that day about my viewpoint on technology:
I get the feeling that many of my friends here, though they know me on a certain level, are unsure of my ability to maintain a healthy life sans technology. I get the feeling that people think I just live on Facebook and Twitter—also, that these social networking tools are leading to the corruption of the world around us, when in reality, technology is not to blame—racism, hatred, selfishness, and ignorance are the true culprits. Would tragedies be happening on a daily basis without social networking? OF COURSE THEY WOULD. We just have the inconvenient convenience of knowing about them sooner thanks to technology.
For the record, I have a blog because I am a writer. By nature, I am a writer. I'm guessing that either because no one has bothered to ask or because they know but don't see it as anything of consequence,that me being a writer who is unpublished makes any defense I have futile. But I am a writer—published or unpublished. It is my passion and it is something I work hard to perfect. As a writer, the daily habit of writing keeps your perspective fresh. It allows you to keep those muscles moving. When I go out to coffee shops on Saturdays, I'm not just wasting my life on Facebook, I'm using the internet to research things for the stories I'm writing and I'm using applications on my laptop to log scenes and stats and other useful information. Also, I write songs. I use my computer to store the lyrics and thoughts so I'm not constantly bringing 10 spiral notebooks with me everywhere I go. The proof is here—all the songs I have stored in my MacJournal:
I promise I'm not just wasting my life on the internet doing nothing but playing internet games
I also have a blog because I have a family and I have friends in various places across the US. I can't spend hours upon hours posting about my day on each of their Facebook walls. THAT would be unhealthy. Instead, I write here. And if they feel like reading about my day, they can. If not, they can ignore this blog. The choice is theirs. But I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this blog has helped me stay connected to friends and family in such valuable ways. For instance, when I post things here, especially videos, my mom shows my niece, and all of a sudden the miles don't seem too far for her. We're connected.
I use Facebook and Twitter to stay connected. A few weeks ago, two of my old small group students were in a car crash. The youngest, Rachel, was very close to me. She has often told me how much I mean to her and every time I'm in Austin, we get a chance to connect and share lots of hugs. She is such an amazing little lady. Sadly enough, I wouldn't have known about the accident if it had not been for Facebook and Twitter. I would not have know what happened, or that anything DID happen. Through Facebook, I was able to find out which hospital she was in and what room she was in and thanks to the connectedness I have on those social networking sites, this moment of love was able to happen on my last visit home:
Me & Rachel doing our "Flying Marshmallow" sign
I know it sounds so dramatic when I say that, but it's so incredibly true. The chain of events that led me to this hospital room, were all thanks to Facebook and Twitter. I cannot even BEGIN to explain to you the chords that were struck in my heart when I went in to see Rachel and her eyes lit up; and the feeling I felt when Rachel's mom turned away the PT nurses and told them to come back later because this was a very special moment for Rachel. I'm still not sure how I was holding back tears, because inside my heart, they were definitely flowing freely. I am entirely thankful for the technology that led me to that hospital room, to sit next to a girl that couldn't stop smiling even though she had gone through the ringer of surgeries and survived an insane car crash.
As far as the cell phone's ability to corrupt my morality, I'm on the fence. I'm sure that in some crazy way, shape or form it could possibly maybe have access to my morality. I'm not quite sure how, but I'm also not sure I care about it either. For now, I'm pretty much FOR the use of my cell phone, again in moderation . . . which is what I use it in now anyway. It offers me a way to stay connected to my family and my friends. I understand how intimidating it can be, seeing as how it is a "Smart Phone" and those come with apps that can be seemingly threatening. However, I'm grateful. Because of that phone, I can know at the touch of a screen how far away my bus is or if I just missed it. I can also get from one destination to another when I'm lost (which happens more often than you would think). And furthermore on the topic of my cell phone, I cannot tell you how thankful and grateful I am for those times when I've had an extremely exhausting day and I look down to see my best friend Sarah calling me from West Virginia to say hi and to listen to how my day has been going, and to challenge me and to give me a great laugh or to share with me things that are going on in her life. Because of those moments, our friendship outlasts the distance between Seattle and West Virginia.
In all honesty, most of the conversations I've had with people about this issue have left me feeling like a kid at the dinner table. As if I'm not welcome to the "adult world." I admit, I see things differently and I may not do things the "way I should" or as a "proper lady" would. But I've never been proper. I challenge things. I challenge the status quo and I refuse to live a seemingly lifeless life. I spend my weekends outdoors, with friends, doing fun things. I dance at bus stops, I'm loud, and I don't mind wearing party hats to the grocery store, and sometimes I tweet about it! The fact that I fully embrace technology is not something I am ashamed of. And I don't believe that it is stealing my soul or threatening my morality. From the many conversations I've had about social networking and blogging, I've reached five solid conclusions:
1. Social networking, blogging, and use of other technology is not for everyone
2. The road to hell is not paved with technological devices
3. My use and embracing of technology does not make me less of a human being . . . when you use harsh tones and degrade me for using and embracing technology, I still feel its effects.
4. I love technology and embrace its ability to keep me connected to the people and things I love
5.
For the record, I am not writing this as an attack. I am merely sharing my thoughts openly about something that has been coming up in my life sooooo much recently. In fact, you might be surprised just how often this topic comes up in my various circles of friends that I have here. There have been some who seem to think that I have an unhealthy amount of technology in my life, due to the fact that I have a Facebook, a Twitter, a Blog, and a Smart Phone. I suppose I may come across to some as a vapid tech junkie, but I think that those who know me best would say that I only add things to my life that I know I can maintain and that I think are beneficial. I also think they would say that I know when enough is enough and I'm able to say no when something is enough—it's been a long hard road to get to the point where I can do that, but I feel I'm getting better and better at it.
Last Wednesday, I was challenged by a friend of mine to go an entire day without using my phone, laptop, or the internet. He had also recently shared about a radio broadcast that NPR did about how radio waves from cell phones will over time cause our society to become more and more immoral. He mentioned that I should take time out to go outside and read a book. He said I should spend all day Saturday tech-free. I accepted the challenge—it's not too far from my ordinary Saturday. The only downfall was that instead of doing my writing on a computer, I had to jot down notes on a notebook that I had to re-type into my computer today. The challenge was most likely meant to get me to re-evaluate my view of technology and its power in my life. If that was in fact the challenge, then it was a success on both ends. I rose to the challenge and was able to re-evaluate my view on technology. The following are the thoughts I had throughout that day about my viewpoint on technology:
I STILL LOVE AND EMBRACE TECHNOLOGY.
I get the feeling that many of my friends here, though they know me on a certain level, are unsure of my ability to maintain a healthy life sans technology. I get the feeling that people think I just live on Facebook and Twitter—also, that these social networking tools are leading to the corruption of the world around us, when in reality, technology is not to blame—racism, hatred, selfishness, and ignorance are the true culprits. Would tragedies be happening on a daily basis without social networking? OF COURSE THEY WOULD. We just have the inconvenient convenience of knowing about them sooner thanks to technology.
For the record, I have a blog because I am a writer. By nature, I am a writer. I'm guessing that either because no one has bothered to ask or because they know but don't see it as anything of consequence,that me being a writer who is unpublished makes any defense I have futile. But I am a writer—published or unpublished. It is my passion and it is something I work hard to perfect. As a writer, the daily habit of writing keeps your perspective fresh. It allows you to keep those muscles moving. When I go out to coffee shops on Saturdays, I'm not just wasting my life on Facebook, I'm using the internet to research things for the stories I'm writing and I'm using applications on my laptop to log scenes and stats and other useful information. Also, I write songs. I use my computer to store the lyrics and thoughts so I'm not constantly bringing 10 spiral notebooks with me everywhere I go. The proof is here—all the songs I have stored in my MacJournal:
I promise I'm not just wasting my life on the internet doing nothing but playing internet gamesI also have a blog because I have a family and I have friends in various places across the US. I can't spend hours upon hours posting about my day on each of their Facebook walls. THAT would be unhealthy. Instead, I write here. And if they feel like reading about my day, they can. If not, they can ignore this blog. The choice is theirs. But I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this blog has helped me stay connected to friends and family in such valuable ways. For instance, when I post things here, especially videos, my mom shows my niece, and all of a sudden the miles don't seem too far for her. We're connected.
I use Facebook and Twitter to stay connected. A few weeks ago, two of my old small group students were in a car crash. The youngest, Rachel, was very close to me. She has often told me how much I mean to her and every time I'm in Austin, we get a chance to connect and share lots of hugs. She is such an amazing little lady. Sadly enough, I wouldn't have known about the accident if it had not been for Facebook and Twitter. I would not have know what happened, or that anything DID happen. Through Facebook, I was able to find out which hospital she was in and what room she was in and thanks to the connectedness I have on those social networking sites, this moment of love was able to happen on my last visit home:
Me & Rachel doing our "Flying Marshmallow" signI know it sounds so dramatic when I say that, but it's so incredibly true. The chain of events that led me to this hospital room, were all thanks to Facebook and Twitter. I cannot even BEGIN to explain to you the chords that were struck in my heart when I went in to see Rachel and her eyes lit up; and the feeling I felt when Rachel's mom turned away the PT nurses and told them to come back later because this was a very special moment for Rachel. I'm still not sure how I was holding back tears, because inside my heart, they were definitely flowing freely. I am entirely thankful for the technology that led me to that hospital room, to sit next to a girl that couldn't stop smiling even though she had gone through the ringer of surgeries and survived an insane car crash.
As far as the cell phone's ability to corrupt my morality, I'm on the fence. I'm sure that in some crazy way, shape or form it could possibly maybe have access to my morality. I'm not quite sure how, but I'm also not sure I care about it either. For now, I'm pretty much FOR the use of my cell phone, again in moderation . . . which is what I use it in now anyway. It offers me a way to stay connected to my family and my friends. I understand how intimidating it can be, seeing as how it is a "Smart Phone" and those come with apps that can be seemingly threatening. However, I'm grateful. Because of that phone, I can know at the touch of a screen how far away my bus is or if I just missed it. I can also get from one destination to another when I'm lost (which happens more often than you would think). And furthermore on the topic of my cell phone, I cannot tell you how thankful and grateful I am for those times when I've had an extremely exhausting day and I look down to see my best friend Sarah calling me from West Virginia to say hi and to listen to how my day has been going, and to challenge me and to give me a great laugh or to share with me things that are going on in her life. Because of those moments, our friendship outlasts the distance between Seattle and West Virginia.
In all honesty, most of the conversations I've had with people about this issue have left me feeling like a kid at the dinner table. As if I'm not welcome to the "adult world." I admit, I see things differently and I may not do things the "way I should" or as a "proper lady" would. But I've never been proper. I challenge things. I challenge the status quo and I refuse to live a seemingly lifeless life. I spend my weekends outdoors, with friends, doing fun things. I dance at bus stops, I'm loud, and I don't mind wearing party hats to the grocery store, and sometimes I tweet about it! The fact that I fully embrace technology is not something I am ashamed of. And I don't believe that it is stealing my soul or threatening my morality. From the many conversations I've had about social networking and blogging, I've reached five solid conclusions:
1. Social networking, blogging, and use of other technology is not for everyone
2. The road to hell is not paved with technological devices
3. My use and embracing of technology does not make me less of a human being . . . when you use harsh tones and degrade me for using and embracing technology, I still feel its effects.
4. I love technology and embrace its ability to keep me connected to the people and things I love
5.
******************
Update: I realize that this is a rant, and it can come across as condescending. I am in no way trying to attack or criticize any one person. In my attempts to express the thoughts rambling on in my head, I wholeheartedly admit that my own selfish immaturity may have seeped through. Let me be the first to admit that I am NOT better than anyone. I have edited this so as to convey the true thoughts, without casting blame. The truth is, no one is to blame. We all have different viewpoints, mine is no less valid than anyone else's. My intent in this post is not to stir up dissension or confusion, but to put into writing what I have said over and over and over again in various conversations in order to bring myself closure. I realize that this may not have been the best place for it, since tone and sincerity is hard to convey in a format like this, but I won't remove this post. I need to be able to look back on things I've said or written and learn from them. This is me learning. Thanks for understanding. :D
That said, let's all laugh at that picture of Andrew for another moment—it's PURE GENIUS! ;D
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Taffy
Ahoy from Denver, Colorado!
I have a 3 hour layover at the Denvy airport, so I figured I would blog, y'know, since I've neglected it for the past 2 days ;)
Today has actually been kinda sub-par on the flying side of things. Normally I enjoy flying and exploring different airports, but there's just something kinda crummy about the morning flight today. (careful, I'm about to get real whiny and pretend I'm entitled to things)
Maybe it was because I requested a window seat on my online ticket purchase and instead got an aisle seat at the back of the plane. (I'm freakin' Glenn from The Wedding Singer :O ) In my attempts to sleep after irresponsibly only getting an hour of it since yesterday, I was jolted out of my sleep about 5 times for the beverage cart, 3 times by people using the bathroom, and about 25 times by the fidgety little girl sitting next to me. In between my zombie phased drowsiness, I had to make sure that the cuppy cakes that I'm bringing home were safe. Don't worry though, they made it through the first flight A-OK! :D
Then as we were taxiing and waiting at the gate, the mother of the girl sitting next to me, who was in my row as well, started puking everywhere. Some made it into the bag, some not so much. The smell was overwhelming. In those moments, I am ENTIRELY grateful that I don't get sick at the sight/sound/smell of vomit. It was miserable. And people around me were holding their nose saying they were about to puke. All of a sudden, I remembered the Lard Ass scene from Stand By Me and I panicked—I HAVE TO GET OFF THIS PLANE NOW!!!!! :O
Luckily, I made it out of there safe and sound, cuppy cakes in tow and ready to get some grub. And in an airport filled with tons of overpriced food, where does my heart wander but to the Pizza Hut. It really is criminal the way I love pizza.
So now I'm just chillaxin in the Denvy airport waiting for the next flight. I find myself conflicted by the attraction of the Denver airport though. I went to use the restroom and was excited to see the numerous stalls that I could choose from . . . mainly because this cuts down the odds of someone sitting in the stall next to me . . . which is a weird pet peeve—i feel like i have more "guy" habits than "girl" habits sometimes. So yeah, excited about the number of stalls, NOT excited about the fact that over half of them were either dirty or out of order, thus negating the glory of having all those stalls and also increasing the line. :(
Then I got really excited because I found out that they have free wi-fi here! Woot! And then I realize that it automatically refreshes my web page every few minutes to show me a new ad. This part actually kind of pissed me off. I was trying to answer a trivia question on Twitter to win a free CD package of Something Corporate's new 'best of' album and I didn't win because every time I tried to @ reply, the page automatically refreshed . . . and someone else won :( Don't get me wrong, I'm getting that album one way or another, but I'd like it for free if possible . . . especially because I got the answer right! I know I should be grateful that there's even an option for free wi-fi. I just get annoyed when things are offered, but they're janky and are seemingly not worth the hassle.
In other news, I have this habit of calling to update my parents every time I fly. I call them before I leave for my first flight, and every time I land, and every time I get ready to take off for the next one. It's just a small request they have so that they know I'm alive and I've grown to enjoy it. Except today one of my parents called me and put ME on hold! (WHAT?!?) And then they called back and I said, "Hello!" and they said, "Hang on, let me call you back." . . . right after THEY called me. Shenanigans I say. I'm blaming this one on April Fool's.
In any event, I'm glad to be out of the puke ridden plane and on my way home to soak up the sun! It was weird packing flip flops and shorts, but I'm so stoked for some quality time at the beach!
---------
ps: I tried to attach pics to this post, but the internet here is shoddy and after about 15 attempts to upload the photos and seeing the failed upload screen, I'm giving up :( I'll post pics later. Sorry.
I have a 3 hour layover at the Denvy airport, so I figured I would blog, y'know, since I've neglected it for the past 2 days ;)
Today has actually been kinda sub-par on the flying side of things. Normally I enjoy flying and exploring different airports, but there's just something kinda crummy about the morning flight today. (careful, I'm about to get real whiny and pretend I'm entitled to things)
Maybe it was because I requested a window seat on my online ticket purchase and instead got an aisle seat at the back of the plane. (I'm freakin' Glenn from The Wedding Singer :O ) In my attempts to sleep after irresponsibly only getting an hour of it since yesterday, I was jolted out of my sleep about 5 times for the beverage cart, 3 times by people using the bathroom, and about 25 times by the fidgety little girl sitting next to me. In between my zombie phased drowsiness, I had to make sure that the cuppy cakes that I'm bringing home were safe. Don't worry though, they made it through the first flight A-OK! :D
Then as we were taxiing and waiting at the gate, the mother of the girl sitting next to me, who was in my row as well, started puking everywhere. Some made it into the bag, some not so much. The smell was overwhelming. In those moments, I am ENTIRELY grateful that I don't get sick at the sight/sound/smell of vomit. It was miserable. And people around me were holding their nose saying they were about to puke. All of a sudden, I remembered the Lard Ass scene from Stand By Me and I panicked—I HAVE TO GET OFF THIS PLANE NOW!!!!! :O
Luckily, I made it out of there safe and sound, cuppy cakes in tow and ready to get some grub. And in an airport filled with tons of overpriced food, where does my heart wander but to the Pizza Hut. It really is criminal the way I love pizza.
So now I'm just chillaxin in the Denvy airport waiting for the next flight. I find myself conflicted by the attraction of the Denver airport though. I went to use the restroom and was excited to see the numerous stalls that I could choose from . . . mainly because this cuts down the odds of someone sitting in the stall next to me . . . which is a weird pet peeve—i feel like i have more "guy" habits than "girl" habits sometimes. So yeah, excited about the number of stalls, NOT excited about the fact that over half of them were either dirty or out of order, thus negating the glory of having all those stalls and also increasing the line. :(
Then I got really excited because I found out that they have free wi-fi here! Woot! And then I realize that it automatically refreshes my web page every few minutes to show me a new ad. This part actually kind of pissed me off. I was trying to answer a trivia question on Twitter to win a free CD package of Something Corporate's new 'best of' album and I didn't win because every time I tried to @ reply, the page automatically refreshed . . . and someone else won :( Don't get me wrong, I'm getting that album one way or another, but I'd like it for free if possible . . . especially because I got the answer right! I know I should be grateful that there's even an option for free wi-fi. I just get annoyed when things are offered, but they're janky and are seemingly not worth the hassle.
In other news, I have this habit of calling to update my parents every time I fly. I call them before I leave for my first flight, and every time I land, and every time I get ready to take off for the next one. It's just a small request they have so that they know I'm alive and I've grown to enjoy it. Except today one of my parents called me and put ME on hold! (WHAT?!?) And then they called back and I said, "Hello!" and they said, "Hang on, let me call you back." . . . right after THEY called me. Shenanigans I say. I'm blaming this one on April Fool's.
In any event, I'm glad to be out of the puke ridden plane and on my way home to soak up the sun! It was weird packing flip flops and shorts, but I'm so stoked for some quality time at the beach!
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ps: I tried to attach pics to this post, but the internet here is shoddy and after about 15 attempts to upload the photos and seeing the failed upload screen, I'm giving up :( I'll post pics later. Sorry.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Cherry Bomb
this movie is coming out this weekend and I'm still so completely unsure of whether or not I want to see it in theaters or just wait for the DVD. I'm at an impasse.
I mean, I really really want to see it. I LOVE Joan Jett and I would love to see a movie that celebrates where she came from and how iconic The Runaways were to chick rock. I love Dakota Fanning as well. She's one of my favorite actresses, and has been ever since I AM SAM. I think she's an amazing actress who just gets better and better with each role, so I'm really excited to watch her bring Cherie Currie to life on the big screen.
. . . but then we get to the one thing that is my big deterrent. Starts with a K, ends with a Risten Stewart. "The Stew," as I like to call her . . . is by far one of my LEAST favorite actresses. Her entire personality off screen in interviews annoys me. I feel like every role she takes is the exact same role, just with a different name. I don't think she's a good actress at all. She just is not my cup of tea. I ALMOST didn't watch New Moon because of how poorly I felt she did in Twilight. I fast forward her scenes when I watch Into The Wild. I REALLY wanted to see Adventureland, but I just can't because even in the movie trailer she annoys me. Cake Eaters? Forget it. I won't even look for YouTube clips.
There are just some actors and actresses I can handle and some I just can't. She, unfortunately is one of the latter. So here I am, really really really wanting to see it, but I just don't know if I'll be able to enjoy it if I do. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so picky about movies, but I am. I'm probably going to regret NOT seeing it on the big screen. So I guess the next step is trying to convince myself that it's not really The Stew playing Joan Jett. Maybe if I just pretend it's someone more awesome . . . like Barney. :| Okay okay. That was harsh. I got a few days until it's released. I got time. We'll see how this goes.
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BONUS PLUS!!!
i JUST found this and it's entirely everything I'm talking about!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
New Fang
^ You see these guys?? ^They live at the mall . . . in the kiosk aisle . . . and I'm deathly afraid of them! You know, they're the kiosk workers who are like super aggressive about you trying their awesome nail buffer stuff on one hand, leaving you to walk around like a dork with one hand buffed and the other clearly not, just so you can buy their product, which you can get cheaper elsewhere—yeah, them.
Look, I get that our society is one of give and take, and I'm all about helping re-stimulate the economy, really I am. I am not however, all about being hounded to buy a Sprint phone when I already have a T—Mobile phone that I pay zilch for. I politely say no, and they're like, "Let me show you 900 ways that our phone is better than your current one." And then I pass the Verizon kiosk and they have 901 ways that their phone is better than mine. What they don't seem to understand is that NO THANK YOU means "Heck no, with a cherry on top."
The only reason I don't like going to the mall alone is because of the kiosk vultures. They're there, they're aggressive, and they're not taking NO for an answer . . . which sucks, cause it's the only one I have for them. I don't need Proactiv. I don't need hair extensions. I don't need Foakleys. I don't need a train set. I don't need a calendar of Robert Pattinson . . . wait. strike that. i DO need that . . . but anyway. The point still stands—they're ruthless!
It is so bad for me. I seriously look at them, and I see them as vultures, gritting their beaks in anticipation, honing in for the kill. And I get this overwhelming urge to run through the middle aisle of the mall and hide in Abercrombie, where the strong near-nakie models will protect me with their overwhelming Abercrombie Suntan Stench. Instead, I call up friends and/or family members and talk to them while I briskly walk by, avoiding contact with the beasts of burden staring me down. I hold conversation until I'm in the clear zone, near the less intrusive kiosks . . . you know, like the Ugg Boots kiosk and the Hair Club for Men kiosk—they're harmless.
Maybe one day I'll overcome this fear, but in the meantime, I've got you on speed dial! ;)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Cry Me A River
Do you ever have those people who feel the need to continually rain on your parade? You know, the Debbie Downer type? The ones where you could be like:
and they'd be like, "Oh great. You just wait, all your relatives are gonna come asking for your money and then the government is gonna come asking for your money. And then the money is gonna ruin your life. And you'll say you're gonna spend it on others but really you're just gonna end up buying 25 Big Macs a day. And then you're just gonna hate your life and you're gonna end up lonely and afraid and crying yourself to sleep every night. . ." woh woh woh.
It's actually QUITE annoying. I mean, you could be on cloud nine and they'll just drag you 6 feet under with their crappy attitudes. I mean, sure, winning the lottery comes with it's baggage, but really people, quit raining on parades! Let people just be happy about something before coming in with your insanely moody blues. Let them figure it out on their own, or at least don't be such a D-bag about it.
And for the record, no, i did not win the lottery. But i wish i did ;)
. . . cue the Debby Downer: "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE? IT'S SILLY TO HOPE FOR THAT. GOD DOESN'T LOVE PEOPLE WHO WIN THE LOTTERY. BESIDES, NO ONE EVER REALLY WINS WHEN IT COMES TO THE LOTTERY." Thank you. No really. I get it. Thank you. Now go away. No, I know what you meant. And I knew what you meant the last 20 times. Thank you. Just go.
Why is it that no matter how happy people are, whether it be about a new job, a new outfit, a new relationship, a new baby, a new car, starting a charity, getting married, a new step to success, a good diagnosis, etc. SOMEONE has to be the bearer of bad news? I feel like if being a full-time bearer of bad news was a job, we wouldn't be struggling in this economy.
For those Debbie Downers, I ain't mad at'cha. Wait. Maybe I am. Just a little. No. A fair amount. I wish you'd grow up and quit badgering me and my friends. . . and everyone really. Take a walk outside, look at all the things and people surrounding you, and learn to be appreciative of something already.
Oh, and if you're gonna have to bring others down with your not-so-kind words, maybe do it face to face or in an email and not on Facebook. K? :D
> end rant <
I JUST WON THE LOTTERY!
and they'd be like, "Oh great. You just wait, all your relatives are gonna come asking for your money and then the government is gonna come asking for your money. And then the money is gonna ruin your life. And you'll say you're gonna spend it on others but really you're just gonna end up buying 25 Big Macs a day. And then you're just gonna hate your life and you're gonna end up lonely and afraid and crying yourself to sleep every night. . ." woh woh woh.
It's actually QUITE annoying. I mean, you could be on cloud nine and they'll just drag you 6 feet under with their crappy attitudes. I mean, sure, winning the lottery comes with it's baggage, but really people, quit raining on parades! Let people just be happy about something before coming in with your insanely moody blues. Let them figure it out on their own, or at least don't be such a D-bag about it.
And for the record, no, i did not win the lottery. But i wish i did ;)
. . . cue the Debby Downer: "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE? IT'S SILLY TO HOPE FOR THAT. GOD DOESN'T LOVE PEOPLE WHO WIN THE LOTTERY. BESIDES, NO ONE EVER REALLY WINS WHEN IT COMES TO THE LOTTERY." Thank you. No really. I get it. Thank you. Now go away. No, I know what you meant. And I knew what you meant the last 20 times. Thank you. Just go.
Why is it that no matter how happy people are, whether it be about a new job, a new outfit, a new relationship, a new baby, a new car, starting a charity, getting married, a new step to success, a good diagnosis, etc. SOMEONE has to be the bearer of bad news? I feel like if being a full-time bearer of bad news was a job, we wouldn't be struggling in this economy.
For those Debbie Downers, I ain't mad at'cha. Wait. Maybe I am. Just a little. No. A fair amount. I wish you'd grow up and quit badgering me and my friends. . . and everyone really. Take a walk outside, look at all the things and people surrounding you, and learn to be appreciative of something already.
Oh, and if you're gonna have to bring others down with your not-so-kind words, maybe do it face to face or in an email and not on Facebook. K? :D
> end rant <
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Always Love
"Always love. Hate will get you every time."
I think Nada Surf is onto something here. . .
too bad that's not the case for this guy . . .
too bad that's not the case for this guy . . .
My friend Kelley posted that vid on my Facebook this morning and I was just so saddened by it. :(
I will be honest, I grew up with a LOT of anger and hatred against others and myself in my heart. I had plenty of reasons to, which I won't go into depth about for now. But let me tell you, if I could take back all those years of hatred against others and myself and anger and replace them with love and compassion and understanding, I would in a heartbeat.
"Always love. Hate will get you every time."
It's a truth that will save a lot of time, energy, relationships, and lives. Always love. It's hard, I know it is. I get annoyed with certain personalities just as much as you do. But here's the deal. Hatred against others solves nothing. Nothing.
I think the thing that hurt my heart the most about that teaching from Steven Anderson (I listened to the entire teaching) is that there were people in the audience "Amen"ing and cheering him on. So not only is there extreme hatred being conveyed throughout his teaching, it's being encouraged and learned by those in attendance. He is teaching hatred.
When I was a little girl, my parents went through a separation that led to divorce. My father was completely at fault, there is no doubt about that. But I'm thankful that even at a young age, I never stopped loving my father despite his shortcomings. What followed the divorce was years of fighting past my mother's attempts to teach us to hate our father. She would say he was the devil and that we should hate him and that we should never speak to him and so on. I never realized back then how much her thoughts and her teachings would play out in my life. I didn't hate my dad. I've NEVER hated my dad. My love for my dad has always endured, and for that I'm entirely grateful. But what resulted was taking on a mindset that it was okay to hate people. That somehow, if someone wronged me, it was perfectly normal to hate them and wish that they were dead. So I did. I manipulated situations to embarrass others and to give them "what was coming to them." As I've grown up and as I've developed in my faith, I've learned that it's not okay. If I teach others that it's okay to hate people that disagree with them/ that make big mistakes/ that say the wrong things at the wrong times/ that get on their nerves/ that look or act different than they do/ believe different things than they do . . . not ONLY am I teaching them to learn to eventually hate me, but I'm teaching them the COMPLETE opposite of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
The thing I don't understand is that when Mr. Anderson says that he prays that Obama would die and burn in hell, it COMPLETELY counteracts the verses in the Bible that says that God desires that NONE SHOULD PERSISH and that ALL WOULD COME TO THE FATHER and that GOD IS THE JUDGE, not us.
And I think what some don't understand is that hate kills. It kills your heart, it kills your joy, it kills your life, and the hearts, joy, and lives of people in your wake. What is sad is that though I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, I know others who are reading this and are thinking I'm off course with the heart of God. And they are thinking that I'm a horrible sinner because I don't hate homosexuals, or our President, or other people who don't necessarily share my same value system. And though that's completely not cool, I get it. As long as there is someone else to hate, someone else to blame, someone else to find fault in, we'll always find it/them. It's easy. So easy in fact, that the one place WE rarely look is the one place where we can start—in the mirror, examining our own ways, our own heart and saying, "How can I change my life, my heart, my mindset to build a bridge of love, to take time out of my life to invest in another's, to listen to SOMOENE ELSE'S story for a change, in hopes that good will come out of it?" We don't need to develop a community, a nation, a world of hatred against others. I need to build bridges and relationships that will last. You need to build bridges and relationships that will last. We need to build bridges and relationships that will last.
Please hear me when I say that I DO NOT hate Steven Anderson. I am however highly saddened and disappointed that people are jumping on board with his teachings about praying that Obama would die and burn in hell. I don't always agree with the President, but I respect his authority. And I DON'T want him to die and burn in hell. I dont' think that is what is going to "save" our nation. I think that any Christian believers who prays that prayer totally negates their credibility when they get mad that people would support abortion. Wanting someone to die, whether they are a governmental figure or an unborn child, is "6 one way, half a dozen the other" and makes us no different than those that we oppose.
IF you find yourself wanting something to hate,
and do something PROACTIVE and PRODUCTIVE about it.
Always Love.
When I was a little girl, my parents went through a separation that led to divorce. My father was completely at fault, there is no doubt about that. But I'm thankful that even at a young age, I never stopped loving my father despite his shortcomings. What followed the divorce was years of fighting past my mother's attempts to teach us to hate our father. She would say he was the devil and that we should hate him and that we should never speak to him and so on. I never realized back then how much her thoughts and her teachings would play out in my life. I didn't hate my dad. I've NEVER hated my dad. My love for my dad has always endured, and for that I'm entirely grateful. But what resulted was taking on a mindset that it was okay to hate people. That somehow, if someone wronged me, it was perfectly normal to hate them and wish that they were dead. So I did. I manipulated situations to embarrass others and to give them "what was coming to them." As I've grown up and as I've developed in my faith, I've learned that it's not okay. If I teach others that it's okay to hate people that disagree with them/ that make big mistakes/ that say the wrong things at the wrong times/ that get on their nerves/ that look or act different than they do/ believe different things than they do . . . not ONLY am I teaching them to learn to eventually hate me, but I'm teaching them the COMPLETE opposite of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
The thing I don't understand is that when Mr. Anderson says that he prays that Obama would die and burn in hell, it COMPLETELY counteracts the verses in the Bible that says that God desires that NONE SHOULD PERSISH and that ALL WOULD COME TO THE FATHER and that GOD IS THE JUDGE, not us.
And I think what some don't understand is that hate kills. It kills your heart, it kills your joy, it kills your life, and the hearts, joy, and lives of people in your wake. What is sad is that though I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, I know others who are reading this and are thinking I'm off course with the heart of God. And they are thinking that I'm a horrible sinner because I don't hate homosexuals, or our President, or other people who don't necessarily share my same value system. And though that's completely not cool, I get it. As long as there is someone else to hate, someone else to blame, someone else to find fault in, we'll always find it/them. It's easy. So easy in fact, that the one place WE rarely look is the one place where we can start—in the mirror, examining our own ways, our own heart and saying, "How can I change my life, my heart, my mindset to build a bridge of love, to take time out of my life to invest in another's, to listen to SOMOENE ELSE'S story for a change, in hopes that good will come out of it?" We don't need to develop a community, a nation, a world of hatred against others. I need to build bridges and relationships that will last. You need to build bridges and relationships that will last. We need to build bridges and relationships that will last.
Please hear me when I say that I DO NOT hate Steven Anderson. I am however highly saddened and disappointed that people are jumping on board with his teachings about praying that Obama would die and burn in hell. I don't always agree with the President, but I respect his authority. And I DON'T want him to die and burn in hell. I dont' think that is what is going to "save" our nation. I think that any Christian believers who prays that prayer totally negates their credibility when they get mad that people would support abortion. Wanting someone to die, whether they are a governmental figure or an unborn child, is "6 one way, half a dozen the other" and makes us no different than those that we oppose.
IF you find yourself wanting something to hate,
Hate poverty.
Hate world hunger.
Hate child abandonment.
Hate social injustice.
Hate selfishness.
Hate pride.
Hate world hunger.
Hate child abandonment.
Hate social injustice.
Hate selfishness.
Hate pride.
Hate watching the heart of humankind deteriorate.
and do something PROACTIVE and PRODUCTIVE about it.
Always Love.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Always Be My Baby
Okay so this discussion has been going through my brain for the past week. Last Wednesday I was at small groups and we got to talking about children, randomly. And I mentioned that I didn't really want to endure natural birth—I'd much rather adopt. And everyone started just giving the traditional responses:
"Oh it's different when it's your own."
"You'd be a great mommy."
"It's not that bad."
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it WOULD be different if it was my own, and that I'd be a great mommy, and I'm sure that to some it doesn't seem so bad. But let's get real... I have a SEVERELY low tolerance for pain...and I don't see anything wrong with passing up natural childbirth and just adopting. Heck, I want to adopt so badly!
I have NOTHING against kids. Honestly I don't. It's the childbirth business that gets me. Need help understanding? Go to the store, buy a watermelon, and a lemon... set them side by side... ponder that business on a more real level. I get pains just thinking about it—I'm fairly sure the same response you see on a guy's face when another guy gets kicked/kneed, etc. in the crotch. That business hurts!
I want the opportunity to look at a child who's been through foster hell, been through so many mind games, so many let downs, so many feelings of worthlessness and say to them: I CHOSE YOU. YOU ARE EVERYTHING I WANT. YOU ARE WANTED. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND YOU'RE MY CHILD. I'm even totally cool with adopting a 7 year old or even a 15 year old. I don't care—I just want them to know that someone wants them and that someone is willing to spend all of their life letting them know that they matter and that they can rise above opposition and that they can be somebody.
After small groups, I brought the conversation home (so to speak) and rehashed it with my housemates and I don't think I've ever seen people get so riled up over something so personal. Rosalind and Raghad were outraged at the fact that I didn't want to have my own flesh and blood children. All my attempts to explain my side of the story were met with more outbursts of misunderstanding and condemnation for the American Medical Association and doctors in general.
Rosalind suggested that I not go to the hospital to have a baby and just have it au natural—like with the stick in my mouth to bare down on—NO. THANK. YOU. Heck, if it were possible, I'd ask for the epidural the MINUTE I found out I was pregnant.
PS: now, when I walk around the house, they refer to me as the "adoptive mother" (and it's said in a disdainful tone). As if my personal choice now deems a negative connotation.
And I'm not saying that if I DID have a child of my own, I would abort it, because that would be out of the question. What I AM saying is that my first choice is adoption. My second choice is childbirth by osmosis. My third choice is natural childbirth.
"Oh it's different when it's your own."
"You'd be a great mommy."
"It's not that bad."
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it WOULD be different if it was my own, and that I'd be a great mommy, and I'm sure that to some it doesn't seem so bad. But let's get real... I have a SEVERELY low tolerance for pain...and I don't see anything wrong with passing up natural childbirth and just adopting. Heck, I want to adopt so badly!
I have NOTHING against kids. Honestly I don't. It's the childbirth business that gets me. Need help understanding? Go to the store, buy a watermelon, and a lemon... set them side by side... ponder that business on a more real level. I get pains just thinking about it—I'm fairly sure the same response you see on a guy's face when another guy gets kicked/kneed, etc. in the crotch. That business hurts!
I want the opportunity to look at a child who's been through foster hell, been through so many mind games, so many let downs, so many feelings of worthlessness and say to them: I CHOSE YOU. YOU ARE EVERYTHING I WANT. YOU ARE WANTED. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND YOU'RE MY CHILD. I'm even totally cool with adopting a 7 year old or even a 15 year old. I don't care—I just want them to know that someone wants them and that someone is willing to spend all of their life letting them know that they matter and that they can rise above opposition and that they can be somebody.
After small groups, I brought the conversation home (so to speak) and rehashed it with my housemates and I don't think I've ever seen people get so riled up over something so personal. Rosalind and Raghad were outraged at the fact that I didn't want to have my own flesh and blood children. All my attempts to explain my side of the story were met with more outbursts of misunderstanding and condemnation for the American Medical Association and doctors in general.
Rosalind suggested that I not go to the hospital to have a baby and just have it au natural—like with the stick in my mouth to bare down on—NO. THANK. YOU. Heck, if it were possible, I'd ask for the epidural the MINUTE I found out I was pregnant.
PS: now, when I walk around the house, they refer to me as the "adoptive mother" (and it's said in a disdainful tone). As if my personal choice now deems a negative connotation.
And I'm not saying that if I DID have a child of my own, I would abort it, because that would be out of the question. What I AM saying is that my first choice is adoption. My second choice is childbirth by osmosis. My third choice is natural childbirth.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tripping Billies
Okay so today's post is a bit of a rant... but it's a funny rant
(at least, I think it is).
So I was checking my email earlier this morning and I was emptying my SPAM folder and I noticed an email that had the title: FRIEND REQUEST: AMANDA, I LIKE OLDER GUYS.
And I couldn't help but laugh. Because not only am I NOT old, I'm most definitely NOT a guy either. And I know that I should just ignore and delete, but after getting like so many emails crowding my email... even though it goes straight to SPAM, I just get so annoyed at how little thought goes into the emails that spammers send.
Not only is half the email grammatically incorrect- I'm not sure who would want to buy a watch from someone who can't even spell "Rolex" and "cheap."
But they don't even offer me things I'd even REMOTELY be interested in. My name is Amanda—not Armando, not Raymundo, not Amman— it's Amanda. Amanda is not a unisex name. It's not Randi or Corey, Adrian, or Taylor. It's Amanda. So I'm DEFINITELY NOT going to need to make my penis grow 10 inches. Cause well... I DON'T HAVE ONE. And sometimes I feel like emailing them back and asking if somone has stolen my identity and subscribed to some lesbian sites... because all these offers for drugs to "pleasure my girlfriend" and "make her happy" really just don't apply to me. AT ALL.
And the email I referenced earlier, was sent by some spammer who is like, trying to kill 9 birds with 2 stones... cause there were 3 different web links for 3 different "companies" with different names. So either KELLI21 is desperate for me to see her picture (which I won't) or "she's" not smart enough to change her name and send 3 separate emails. On second thought, I'm kinda glad "she" only sent one.
So I'm sorry, KELLI21, I won't be clicking on your link. Because let's face it, I know you're a 40 year old single fat guy who gets paid 25 cents an email to send out SPAM emails while lounging in your boxers in hopes that some creepy weirdo will follow the link and spend money on a picture of you, which probably actually resembles a picture of Kate Beckinsale with a weird combo of Giselle Bundchen's body, Christina Ricci's nose, and Angelina Jolies distinctive tattoos. But thanks for the offer and thanks for crowding my email. And by thanks I mean GET A REAL JOB, YA CREEP!
PS to all the spammers out there:
1. I bat for the home team. I'm into guys, not girls.
2. I have a cell phone and don't need your watches.
3. I am female and have female parts... permanently.
4. Somewhere, your 5th grade english teacher is hanging her head down in shame because you learned... NOTHING.
lame.
(at least, I think it is).
So I was checking my email earlier this morning and I was emptying my SPAM folder and I noticed an email that had the title: FRIEND REQUEST: AMANDA, I LIKE OLDER GUYS.
And I couldn't help but laugh. Because not only am I NOT old, I'm most definitely NOT a guy either. And I know that I should just ignore and delete, but after getting like so many emails crowding my email... even though it goes straight to SPAM, I just get so annoyed at how little thought goes into the emails that spammers send.
Not only is half the email grammatically incorrect- I'm not sure who would want to buy a watch from someone who can't even spell "Rolex" and "cheap."
But they don't even offer me things I'd even REMOTELY be interested in. My name is Amanda—not Armando, not Raymundo, not Amman— it's Amanda. Amanda is not a unisex name. It's not Randi or Corey, Adrian, or Taylor. It's Amanda. So I'm DEFINITELY NOT going to need to make my penis grow 10 inches. Cause well... I DON'T HAVE ONE. And sometimes I feel like emailing them back and asking if somone has stolen my identity and subscribed to some lesbian sites... because all these offers for drugs to "pleasure my girlfriend" and "make her happy" really just don't apply to me. AT ALL.
And the email I referenced earlier, was sent by some spammer who is like, trying to kill 9 birds with 2 stones... cause there were 3 different web links for 3 different "companies" with different names. So either KELLI21 is desperate for me to see her picture (which I won't) or "she's" not smart enough to change her name and send 3 separate emails. On second thought, I'm kinda glad "she" only sent one.
So I'm sorry, KELLI21, I won't be clicking on your link. Because let's face it, I know you're a 40 year old single fat guy who gets paid 25 cents an email to send out SPAM emails while lounging in your boxers in hopes that some creepy weirdo will follow the link and spend money on a picture of you, which probably actually resembles a picture of Kate Beckinsale with a weird combo of Giselle Bundchen's body, Christina Ricci's nose, and Angelina Jolies distinctive tattoos. But thanks for the offer and thanks for crowding my email. And by thanks I mean GET A REAL JOB, YA CREEP!
PS to all the spammers out there:
1. I bat for the home team. I'm into guys, not girls.
2. I have a cell phone and don't need your watches.
3. I am female and have female parts... permanently.
4. Somewhere, your 5th grade english teacher is hanging her head down in shame because you learned... NOTHING.
lame.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Too Far Gone
Today's post is a little ranty... just warning you...
So I was watching an episode of One Tree Hill on Monday, and it was so good. And there was this scene where one of the characters tells her foster child that she is "unfixable." And in the end they make up and it's a super sweet scene... but it got me to thinking about all the people in life that I've called "unfixable" in my mind in the past, and how disgusting that was for me to even think about a person in that light. I will be the first to admit that I am completely unperfect. There have been times in my past that I would not blame someone for calling ME unfixable. But I look back now and though I'm not completely 'fixed' (whatever that means), I realize that I am completely grateful for those who DID take a chance to get to know me and despite my angry exterior, worked their way into my heart and life.
But that episode got me thinking about this one phrase...that I absolutely HATE. In every sense of the word, HATE. Being involved in ministry in the past, it's very easy to get discouraged at all the times that students "don't get it" or "don't do what we think they should do" or respond "fast enough" to something we're teaching them... because we're pretty sure our timing is perfect right?...wrong. But there's this one phrase that was introduced to me about 5 years ago and that is calling someone "PRECIOUS"... but not in the context of like, "that baby is precious..." or "that's a precious gemstone." It's more used in the terms of "that person sucks the energy out of you and no matter what you do, they probably still won't get it." And all of a sudden, a beautiful word of praise becomes this looming black cloud of casting someone as "unfixable" or a "tough case" and everytime you mention them, there's an eye roll and then someone mentions that that person is "just being precious." Like they're not even worth your time, or energy, or tears, or hugs, or whatever. And to that I respond... is that the way to do it? Is that really being a reflection of Christ?
Since when did we as Christians get it in our mind that we are better than anyone, that others who don't do what we do, or act as we act, or say what we say in the same way that we did, somehow matter less. That is crap!
You know what, that's not what life is about. At all. I'm pretty sure that that is NOT at all what Jesus had in mind when He called us to love one another and to bear one another's burdens, etc. But what's sick, is when it's people who claim to know and love God, and serve God call someone "precious" with such disdain... well you know what—you can know God, serve God, and love God, but if you're not loving people the way He does, and if you're using "christian code" to label others "unfixable" or viewing them as just another "tough case" instead of working that much harder to love them, with a happy heart, knowing that in the end, they are going to know that they matter, then maybe you should just stop associating yourself with Christ. Cause that's NOT what He's about. At all.
I absolutely REFUSE to call someone "Precious" or "EGR (Extra Grace Required)" or "T.C. (Too Cool)". Because you know what, I've lived that. I've been the person who needs a lot of grace. And I've been mislabeled "Too Cool" when really I just have a different matter of opinion or a different way of doing things. And calling me things like "Precious" or "EGR" or "T.C." makes me not trust you. It makes me not want to talk to you. It puts up a wall that says, "I'm not valued by that person." And that's not the way I want others to respond.
I don't believe that anyone is too far gone that they don't deserve ultimate love and respect and trust and honor. And I'm pretty sure that when God paid a price to redeem my heart and soul, He didn't think I was too far gone.
I absolutely REFUSE to call someone "Precious" or "EGR (Extra Grace Required)" or "T.C. (Too Cool)". Because you know what, I've lived that. I've been the person who needs a lot of grace. And I've been mislabeled "Too Cool" when really I just have a different matter of opinion or a different way of doing things. And calling me things like "Precious" or "EGR" or "T.C." makes me not trust you. It makes me not want to talk to you. It puts up a wall that says, "I'm not valued by that person." And that's not the way I want others to respond.
I don't believe that anyone is too far gone that they don't deserve ultimate love and respect and trust and honor. And I'm pretty sure that when God paid a price to redeem my heart and soul, He didn't think I was too far gone.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Show Me What I'm Looking For
So this is my 1st post about my trip to Colorado! I hope you enjoy!
So as I was walking around here at the Salt Lake City airport, I stopped in at a bookstore/newstand place and they had an entire section called, "READ THE MOVIE" where they featured books that have been turned into movies. Books like:
Revolutionary Road
The Reader
He's Just Not That Into You
Twilight
Watchmen
and The Spiderwick Chronicles
and it got me to thinking about books that I've read that I really WISH would be adapted for the big screen. So I wanted to take a moment to share with you 5 books from that particular selection and why I would want to see them on the big screen.
FOLLOW THE DRINKING GOURD by Jeanette Winter
- One of my FAVORITE books about the Underground Railroad!
FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC by V.C. Andrews
- a movie was made of this like... years ago, but a newly updated one, would rock! In the older one, the mother is just not "hateable" enough for me, in accordance to the agony and duplicity of the mother in the book.
THE INFERNO by Dante Alighieri
- this is by far one of my most favorite books ... ever! A small portion of it was introduced in the movie WHAT DREAMS MAY COME, and then recently re-done in a popsicle stick paper animation type thing...where it was modernized and such..but as far as this book goes, i say do it up, classic! Use modern technology to seep out the classic imagery that Dante provides and it could be so amazing! Don't cheapen it, don't animate it, don't modernize it. Too good of a book to do that! ;)
THE LITTLE PRINCE by Antoine De Saint-Exupery
- a CLASSIC in my mind! I know they did an older version that looks really generic 80s craptastic. With such a beloved, important story like this, it definitely needs to be updated!
and
BLACK + WHITE by Dani Shapiro
- Such an intricate story about dealing with family. If it were made into a movie, it would win an Oscar! ;) well, at least I would want it to! ;)
So that's my list! And I must admit, that one of my favorite kid's books is FINALLY being made into a movie. Yep, WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE is in production and I cannot wait to see the finished product!!
PS: random traveler's rant...
If you are at an airport with limited electrical outlets for...well you know...plugging in computers... and you DON'T HAVE A COMPUTER... please find a place to sprawl out onto your 4 chairs in a place FAR AWAY from the outlets. I think it would be better for the both of us... you can take up your entirely unnecessary amount of chair sleeping space and I don't have to keep my laptop dimly lit to salvage battery power because you're freakin' sleeping right in front of the outlet! Thanks. just. thanks.
Revolutionary Road
The Reader
He's Just Not That Into You
Twilight
Watchmen
and The Spiderwick Chronicles
and it got me to thinking about books that I've read that I really WISH would be adapted for the big screen. So I wanted to take a moment to share with you 5 books from that particular selection and why I would want to see them on the big screen.
FOLLOW THE DRINKING GOURD by Jeanette Winter
- One of my FAVORITE books about the Underground Railroad!
FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC by V.C. Andrews
- a movie was made of this like... years ago, but a newly updated one, would rock! In the older one, the mother is just not "hateable" enough for me, in accordance to the agony and duplicity of the mother in the book.
THE INFERNO by Dante Alighieri
- this is by far one of my most favorite books ... ever! A small portion of it was introduced in the movie WHAT DREAMS MAY COME, and then recently re-done in a popsicle stick paper animation type thing...where it was modernized and such..but as far as this book goes, i say do it up, classic! Use modern technology to seep out the classic imagery that Dante provides and it could be so amazing! Don't cheapen it, don't animate it, don't modernize it. Too good of a book to do that! ;)
THE LITTLE PRINCE by Antoine De Saint-Exupery
- a CLASSIC in my mind! I know they did an older version that looks really generic 80s craptastic. With such a beloved, important story like this, it definitely needs to be updated!
and
BLACK + WHITE by Dani Shapiro
- Such an intricate story about dealing with family. If it were made into a movie, it would win an Oscar! ;) well, at least I would want it to! ;)
So that's my list! And I must admit, that one of my favorite kid's books is FINALLY being made into a movie. Yep, WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE is in production and I cannot wait to see the finished product!!
PS: random traveler's rant...
If you are at an airport with limited electrical outlets for...well you know...plugging in computers... and you DON'T HAVE A COMPUTER... please find a place to sprawl out onto your 4 chairs in a place FAR AWAY from the outlets. I think it would be better for the both of us... you can take up your entirely unnecessary amount of chair sleeping space and I don't have to keep my laptop dimly lit to salvage battery power because you're freakin' sleeping right in front of the outlet! Thanks. just. thanks.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Unbelievable
I am 27 years old, the daughter of a funny man and a serious woman. I feel like i've gained so much from each of my parents through the years. A love for laughter, a disability to trust adults, how to give time and energy, and how to cook; Learning the difference between right and wrong, learning to survive, learning how manage a busy schedule, and learning how to love unconditionally. It's amazing how different my parents are. And I'm so thankful for that. Because I get this great mix of the two where I learn both ends of the spectrum. It's amazing to me the different roles I have learned to play through the years. A puppet for my brother, a leader and antagonizer to my sister, an audience for my father, and a therapist to my mother. I've grown up in the crazy hemisphere of an awkward and painful divorce. I've watched my brother lose faith, my sister lose the opportunity for a great education. Don't get me wrong, I've seen great things as well, but when divorce splits your family, it's so much easier to notice the wreckage...because the rebuilding takes so long and depends on the nature and demeanor of each party involved.
Take for instance the fact that my mother and stepmother almost had it out when I was in the hospital having kidney surgery. I was minutes away from going 'under the knife' and my mom decides to take a jab at my father and stepmother who are in the room. This led to raised voices, and harsh words, and an almost fight. All the while, I'm laying in pain on a hospital stretcher with IVs running through my veins and with a weak voice, settling for yelling in my mind: ARE YOU GUYS KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
I've had so many moments like this in my life. And always I'm asking the same question: SERIOUSLY GUYS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
And actually, I just got a call from my mom tonight. This is always a love/hate thing. Because she calls me...to talk about my brother and sister. I don't think I've actually heard her ask me how my day is going without me saying how it's going and then her jumping right into a discussion about how much she hates my sister's boyfriend or how my brother or sister lied to her or something or other that I can do absolutely nothing about. So I missed her call, and called her back. And it started out the way they always start out:
me: hey. sorry i missed your call.
mom: yeah i called. (while sounding upset)
me: oh. well is everything okay?
mom: yeah. i guess. (still sounding upset, taking a sighing breath) no. maybe not.
me: oh. okay. are you alright?
mom: well...it's just... your sister made me mad today.
me: oh. i see. okay. are you gonna be okay?
mom: yeah..it's just that she blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....Jaime did .....blah blah blah blah...and he blah blah blah blah....and she has to pay blah blah blah blah blah because he convinced her to blah blah blah blah...
me: well mom. you know, she's a grown girl and she makes her own decisions. And if that's what she wants to do, you do your best to give her a way out, and then let it go.
mom: i know. i should let it go. but she blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... and he says I shouldn't tell him what to do... blah blah blah...
me: then don't tell him what to do.
mom: yeah you're right. i just hate that he blah blah blah blah blah... and your sister misses you...
me: she misses me?
mom: yeah. she misses you.
me: why does she miss me?
mom: well so you can watch the kids for her.
me: oh. so she misses me because she wants me to be a babysitter?
mom: well it's just so hard for her right now.
me: oh. okay. well, i'm sorry she misses me. But i'm not moving back.
mom: you're so far away.
me: i know. but it's not like we were close when i WAS living there. I don't understand why it's a big deal now. I mean, aside from me being a babysitter. why doesn't she just hire a babysitter?
mom: well because it costs money.
me: yeah. i heard that most babysitters do charge money. hmmm.. well. i'm sorry. but i'm still not moving back.
mom: i know.
me: uh, hey mom. sorry to interrupt, but you DID call me earlier right?
mom: yeah i did.
me: so uh, why DID you call me?
mom: cause i wanted to see how you were doing.
me: well, since you call all the time to ask me how i'm doing, but never really prod any further when I say good, I'll just tell you how i'm doing..blah blah blah blah..and this awesome thing happened.. blah blah blah...and i'm working on this screenplay.. blah blah blah blah.
mom: that's great!
me: yeah, and blah blah blah blah blah...
mom: you know what just makes me so mad about Jaime (my sister's boyfriend) is that he just blah blah blah blah and she just blah blah blah blah.
and she goes on for another 10 minutes rehashing the same problems to me, and i continue to say, "Well if you did all you could, then you did all you could and you just let her choose how she wants to live." This usually ends her saying, "Well. maybe we should just not talk about that." or "Yeah, you're right. But you don't understand...blah blah blah"
un.believable.
PS: yes, i realize i'm a selfish brat. but i really hope that one day: 1. my mom takes my advice and follows through with it. and 2. that my family learns to gain a sense of togetherness that doesn't involve fighting over silly stuff. and 3. that i learn from their mistakes. 4. i will understand my family.
Take for instance the fact that my mother and stepmother almost had it out when I was in the hospital having kidney surgery. I was minutes away from going 'under the knife' and my mom decides to take a jab at my father and stepmother who are in the room. This led to raised voices, and harsh words, and an almost fight. All the while, I'm laying in pain on a hospital stretcher with IVs running through my veins and with a weak voice, settling for yelling in my mind: ARE YOU GUYS KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
I've had so many moments like this in my life. And always I'm asking the same question: SERIOUSLY GUYS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
And actually, I just got a call from my mom tonight. This is always a love/hate thing. Because she calls me...to talk about my brother and sister. I don't think I've actually heard her ask me how my day is going without me saying how it's going and then her jumping right into a discussion about how much she hates my sister's boyfriend or how my brother or sister lied to her or something or other that I can do absolutely nothing about. So I missed her call, and called her back. And it started out the way they always start out:
me: hey. sorry i missed your call.
mom: yeah i called. (while sounding upset)
me: oh. well is everything okay?
mom: yeah. i guess. (still sounding upset, taking a sighing breath) no. maybe not.
me: oh. okay. are you alright?
mom: well...it's just... your sister made me mad today.
me: oh. i see. okay. are you gonna be okay?
mom: yeah..it's just that she blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....Jaime did .....blah blah blah blah...and he blah blah blah blah....and she has to pay blah blah blah blah blah because he convinced her to blah blah blah blah...
me: well mom. you know, she's a grown girl and she makes her own decisions. And if that's what she wants to do, you do your best to give her a way out, and then let it go.
mom: i know. i should let it go. but she blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... and he says I shouldn't tell him what to do... blah blah blah...
me: then don't tell him what to do.
mom: yeah you're right. i just hate that he blah blah blah blah blah... and your sister misses you...
me: she misses me?
mom: yeah. she misses you.
me: why does she miss me?
mom: well so you can watch the kids for her.
me: oh. so she misses me because she wants me to be a babysitter?
mom: well it's just so hard for her right now.
me: oh. okay. well, i'm sorry she misses me. But i'm not moving back.
mom: you're so far away.
me: i know. but it's not like we were close when i WAS living there. I don't understand why it's a big deal now. I mean, aside from me being a babysitter. why doesn't she just hire a babysitter?
mom: well because it costs money.
me: yeah. i heard that most babysitters do charge money. hmmm.. well. i'm sorry. but i'm still not moving back.
mom: i know.
me: uh, hey mom. sorry to interrupt, but you DID call me earlier right?
mom: yeah i did.
me: so uh, why DID you call me?
mom: cause i wanted to see how you were doing.
me: well, since you call all the time to ask me how i'm doing, but never really prod any further when I say good, I'll just tell you how i'm doing..blah blah blah blah..and this awesome thing happened.. blah blah blah...and i'm working on this screenplay.. blah blah blah blah.
mom: that's great!
me: yeah, and blah blah blah blah blah...
mom: you know what just makes me so mad about Jaime (my sister's boyfriend) is that he just blah blah blah blah and she just blah blah blah blah.
and she goes on for another 10 minutes rehashing the same problems to me, and i continue to say, "Well if you did all you could, then you did all you could and you just let her choose how she wants to live." This usually ends her saying, "Well. maybe we should just not talk about that." or "Yeah, you're right. But you don't understand...blah blah blah"
un.believable.
PS: yes, i realize i'm a selfish brat. but i really hope that one day: 1. my mom takes my advice and follows through with it. and 2. that my family learns to gain a sense of togetherness that doesn't involve fighting over silly stuff. and 3. that i learn from their mistakes. 4. i will understand my family.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Please Don't Call It Love
I want to take a moment to express something that has really been bugging me for the past couple of weeks. And it may seem like I'm being overbearing, harsh, or even downright selfish...but since "Putting Things Before People" is one of my biggest pet peeves... I feel the need to share some of the thoughts rolling around in my head... And just to forewarn you, it is kind of "ranty" but I gotta get it out..and I figure this is the platform I'm choosing...just to be honest.
During my visit home, I've gotten to see some true colors flowing from people. A friend of mine was hanging out with me, and we wanted to hang out with some of our old friends. Bear in mind, that my friend and I are NO LONGER living in Austin...and this visit home, is going to be the only one until the end of June, beginning of July (for me/May...i think for her). And we've both been gone for at least 6 months. So when we come in town to visit, it's really not asking a lot to have others hang out with us. I wish things would have turned out better, and people would have chosen to hang out with us instead of check their emails or play games or go to bed early. And to those who re-arranged your schedules and took off time and made the tough decision to wake up earlier the next day to get things done, THANK YOU! I/We had a BLAST hanging out and talking with you!
I really had some interesting experiences. My friend was released from our school last year due to lack of tuition. And she is very analytical, and constantly has thoughts flowing through her head. And though the majority of the time, she has this pet proverbial rain cloud looming over her head, she has some valid hurts. When election time came around, she had some strong viewpoints and got a LOT of flack for it. Some people in general, just have this view of her as a person because her viewpoints vary from status quo and because she questions a LOT of things. I'm not saying she's right about everything, she's very opinionated, and sometimes she's wrong. But when people come up to you and say, "Oh, you're __________. I've heard about you...." (in a kind of inauspicious tone) And then they just walk away, leaving you wondering..."What have they heard?" It's hard to not let things get to you.
As easy as it is for us to teach others: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK..."
It does matter. We, as human beings, care about what other people think of us. I'm not saying that it means we love God less. It's just this utter timeless desire to be accepted by others. So when you've spent an extended amount of time building a relationship with people, and giving your all to see them get better, and you come back to a cold shoulder, it really makes you feel like a loser. And that matters.
But I think what made me madder was that after my friend flew back to her new state...the same people who treated us like jerks...wanted to come up to me and hug me and treat me like royalty. And I was just so amazed. I was mad and amazed. It was like night and day. Almost this bi-polar effect. Did they really just come up to me and act like they weren't a complete jerk to my friend, who they were also supposed to be "friends" with? Come again? eh? not cool.
you moved away to a different state, and payed money to visit home, and everyone treated you like a social pariah. Not very awesome, is it? What if you spent significant time with the same core group of people, and when they see you after 6 months, they look at you like you're this crack addict....or worse, they smile to your face, and say crappy things about you to others when you're not even around to defend yourself. Makes you feel really valued, eh? I think not.
Is that really what God had in mind when He said to consider others better than yourself? When He said to love thy neighbor as thyself? I'm sorry, but love is more action than emotion.
People aren't perfect, and I know it. But we can learn. I have to learn ALL THE TIME!! I'm totally NOT PERFECT (sorry folks!). But I don't care what's going on, people are always more important than things to me. And if a friend of mine came up to visit me, I would do everything in my power to make them feel like a million bucks. Even if they weren't my close close close friend. People matter. And we should treat them like humans, not complete losers, especially if we're going to go around referring to ourselves as Christians.
During my visit home, I've gotten to see some true colors flowing from people. A friend of mine was hanging out with me, and we wanted to hang out with some of our old friends. Bear in mind, that my friend and I are NO LONGER living in Austin...and this visit home, is going to be the only one until the end of June, beginning of July (for me/May...i think for her). And we've both been gone for at least 6 months. So when we come in town to visit, it's really not asking a lot to have others hang out with us. I wish things would have turned out better, and people would have chosen to hang out with us instead of check their emails or play games or go to bed early. And to those who re-arranged your schedules and took off time and made the tough decision to wake up earlier the next day to get things done, THANK YOU! I/We had a BLAST hanging out and talking with you!
I really had some interesting experiences. My friend was released from our school last year due to lack of tuition. And she is very analytical, and constantly has thoughts flowing through her head. And though the majority of the time, she has this pet proverbial rain cloud looming over her head, she has some valid hurts. When election time came around, she had some strong viewpoints and got a LOT of flack for it. Some people in general, just have this view of her as a person because her viewpoints vary from status quo and because she questions a LOT of things. I'm not saying she's right about everything, she's very opinionated, and sometimes she's wrong. But when people come up to you and say, "Oh, you're __________. I've heard about you...." (in a kind of inauspicious tone) And then they just walk away, leaving you wondering..."What have they heard?" It's hard to not let things get to you.
As easy as it is for us to teach others: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK..."
It does matter. We, as human beings, care about what other people think of us. I'm not saying that it means we love God less. It's just this utter timeless desire to be accepted by others. So when you've spent an extended amount of time building a relationship with people, and giving your all to see them get better, and you come back to a cold shoulder, it really makes you feel like a loser. And that matters.
But I think what made me madder was that after my friend flew back to her new state...the same people who treated us like jerks...wanted to come up to me and hug me and treat me like royalty. And I was just so amazed. I was mad and amazed. It was like night and day. Almost this bi-polar effect. Did they really just come up to me and act like they weren't a complete jerk to my friend, who they were also supposed to be "friends" with? Come again? eh? not cool.
you moved away to a different state, and payed money to visit home, and everyone treated you like a social pariah. Not very awesome, is it? What if you spent significant time with the same core group of people, and when they see you after 6 months, they look at you like you're this crack addict....or worse, they smile to your face, and say crappy things about you to others when you're not even around to defend yourself. Makes you feel really valued, eh? I think not.
Is that really what God had in mind when He said to consider others better than yourself? When He said to love thy neighbor as thyself? I'm sorry, but love is more action than emotion.
People aren't perfect, and I know it. But we can learn. I have to learn ALL THE TIME!! I'm totally NOT PERFECT (sorry folks!). But I don't care what's going on, people are always more important than things to me. And if a friend of mine came up to visit me, I would do everything in my power to make them feel like a million bucks. Even if they weren't my close close close friend. People matter. And we should treat them like humans, not complete losers, especially if we're going to go around referring to ourselves as Christians.
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