Okay so this discussion has been going through my brain for the past week. Last Wednesday I was at small groups and we got to talking about children, randomly. And I mentioned that I didn't really want to endure natural birth—I'd much rather adopt. And everyone started just giving the traditional responses:
"Oh it's different when it's your own."
"You'd be a great mommy."
"It's not that bad."
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it WOULD be different if it was my own, and that I'd be a great mommy, and I'm sure that to some it doesn't seem so bad. But let's get real... I have a SEVERELY low tolerance for pain...and I don't see anything wrong with passing up natural childbirth and just adopting. Heck, I want to adopt so badly!
I have NOTHING against kids. Honestly I don't. It's the childbirth business that gets me. Need help understanding? Go to the store, buy a watermelon, and a lemon... set them side by side... ponder that business on a more real level. I get pains just thinking about it—I'm fairly sure the same response you see on a guy's face when another guy gets kicked/kneed, etc. in the crotch. That business hurts!
I want the opportunity to look at a child who's been through foster hell, been through so many mind games, so many let downs, so many feelings of worthlessness and say to them: I CHOSE YOU. YOU ARE EVERYTHING I WANT. YOU ARE WANTED. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND YOU'RE MY CHILD. I'm even totally cool with adopting a 7 year old or even a 15 year old. I don't care—I just want them to know that someone wants them and that someone is willing to spend all of their life letting them know that they matter and that they can rise above opposition and that they can be somebody.
After small groups, I brought the conversation home (so to speak) and rehashed it with my housemates and I don't think I've ever seen people get so riled up over something so personal. Rosalind and Raghad were outraged at the fact that I didn't want to have my own flesh and blood children. All my attempts to explain my side of the story were met with more outbursts of misunderstanding and condemnation for the American Medical Association and doctors in general.
Rosalind suggested that I not go to the hospital to have a baby and just have it au natural—like with the stick in my mouth to bare down on—NO. THANK. YOU. Heck, if it were possible, I'd ask for the epidural the MINUTE I found out I was pregnant.
PS: now, when I walk around the house, they refer to me as the "adoptive mother" (and it's said in a disdainful tone). As if my personal choice now deems a negative connotation.
And I'm not saying that if I DID have a child of my own, I would abort it, because that would be out of the question. What I AM saying is that my first choice is adoption. My second choice is childbirth by osmosis. My third choice is natural childbirth.
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3 comments:
i think that's great!!! Not many people can adopt, so if you have the oppurtunity then whatever child you get is soo lucky to be with someone like you, amanda. I think it's totally fine not to want to birth a child, it's harder to love someone else's child and for that i deem you as noble. I love you and can't wait to see your adopted child. The question i pose is: Would you consider adopting without a husband?!?! Like on House. What are your thought on that?
Would I consider adopting without a husband? I wouldn't be completely opposed to it—however there IS more reason for me to be married and then adopt. For the simple fact that adoption agencies appreciate married couples over single adoptive parents. And then there's the whole income thing. And then there's the whole part about me wanting that child to have a permanent father figure as well—what's better than ONE person loving you unconditionally? Two. ;)
And I think it would be easier for me AND the child if I had a husband. That, and I really really want a husband...perhaps MORE than a child.
But then again, if I started getting older and older and wasn't married (Aside from eating a few gallons of ice cream, thus causing the boyfriend factor to be prolonged) I would still look into adopting as a single parent.
Again, so many factors... but ultimately, the opportunity to love a child who deems themselves (or has been by others) unlovable would make my world go round...and round...and round...
I think that's great. I believe some people just have a heart for adoption, and if you do, more power to you!
You made me laugh when you said you'd have an epidural the minute you found out you were pregnant. LOL
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