Friday, December 19, 2008

Close Encounters Of The Weird Kind

I think I've told a few people this story, but definitely haven't told all you other awesome blog reading friends of mine. So, a few days before I left for Austin, I had the weirdest, most awkward conversation with a guy. Now, let's set some things straight- I am totally up for dating, and would love to be in a serious relationship...but let's get real...when the guy is like 40 and he's hitting on's so not sexy. In fact, it's gross. And I ALWAYS get hit on by the guys who are like, old enough to be my dad! It's soooo entirely weird! I dunno. Just weird. Oh, and then I'll tell you about another one towards the end about this one guy who really...blew his lunch one day. So funny!

*** THE COPY GUY ***

I work in the University District (U-District) in Seattle and there's a ton of local shops that I get to stop in on from time to time. One of the main ones is a Copy and Print Shop that's about a block away from where I work. I've been in a few times, and this one guy is almost always there. And when his chick co-worker isn't there, he quickly turns into a creepo. Like, one time I went in and got pictures of myself printed so I could send them to friends. Well, after he printed them, he looked at them for like 4 minutes before telling me how much I owed him. But he was like.... the photos. and he's like, "these...are... really nice." And after picking up on the vibe, I was like, "thank you so much." and then rushed outta there. And seriously... this guy is his early 40s or something...and, I can dig older guys...but NOT THAT old.

So the time I went in before I left for Austin, I was getting some tickets printed up for our big Dec. 4th event. I got in early cause I had a lot to do before I left. And so I took my thumb drive with all my files on it and took it down there. And NO ONE was in the shop except for me and my "not-so-secret admirer." So then he sits at the computer next to me and me open up the file and starts up some conversation that goes like this:

Him > So, do you work at the University?
Me > No. I work in a small office nearby.
Him > Have I seen you somewhere before?
Me > Well, I've been here in the store a couple of times. So yeah, maybe.
Him > Didn't I see you at (names a random bar) ?
Me > (with a small laugh) uh. no. No i've never been there.
Him > Oh. Well then I must have seen you at (names another random bar) .
Me > Um. No. I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. Maybe it was my twin or something.
Him > Oh. Do you...uh...not drink?
Me > No. I don't. Sorry.
Him > Oh...yeah... neither do I. No. I don't drink. Why don't you drink?
Me > Well, I've just seen the way it's destroyed my brother's life and most of my family. Nothing good ever comes of it in my experience. And I don't want to live my life the way my brother does, so... I just don't.
Him > You have very pretty hair.
Me > (awkwardly) Uh. Thanks. My dad really likes it too. (laughing in my head)
Him > So, are you from ( random neighborhood in Seattle ) ?
Me > No. I'm from (I gave him the name of the neighborhood next to mine, cause I sure as heck ain't telling him where I live).
Him > So are you originally from India?
Me > Um. No. No I"m not from India. (He is) My mom is spanish and my dad is mexican american, which is why I guess I could seem foreign. A lot of people think I'm from Brazil.
Him > Oh. Yeah. Well you're very pretty.
Me > Thanks. I uh, gotta make a quick call before I forget... (I dash to the opposite side of the store and call my mom. She talks to me for like all of 8 minutes while the guy is working on printing my stuff, and then says she has to go...THANKS, MOM.)

So when I'm done, he's got my prints ready to go. So I ask him how much I owe him, and he charges me a less than the original price since I don't have exact change. Which, I think is nice, but seriously sir... that's no way to buy my affection.

So as I'm paying, he goes, "Well...I was really trying very hard to impress you. But I guess it didn't work." and he was soooo distraught. :(

So I lied. :(

I was like, "I am so sorry. I'm really just not interested in dating right now." Okay, so it wasn't a total lie. I mean, I wasn't interested in dating HIM. Anyway, I jetted out of the store... and got halfway down the block and called up Joy and I was so confused- it was completely awkward and hilarious all at the same time.


So another case in which I just don't have luck with the guys. So one day after church, I went to eat with a bunch of friends from our college ministry. We went to (one of my favorite places EVER in Austin) FREEBIRDS to eat. So while I was in line, there was this guy who had just started coming to our church and was really starting to get to know everyone. But he was kinda....socially could say.

While we were at FREEBIRDS, me and this guy stood in line together and were just talking about what each of us did. He was a student at UT who had also gone to college in a small texas town for another graduate program. And he just moved to Austin that summer. I told him I was on staff with Master's and that I taught students Graphic Design, Web Design and Video Production, along with teaching them book studies and being a discipleship director. Anyway, we got to the end of the line and i realized I totally accidentally left my wallet in my office at the church. So he offered to pay for me! Which, I thought was ultimately sweet...cause he TOTALLY didn't have to! So as we were getting our drinks, I thanked him and told him how grateful I was for his kind gesture. His reply?

"Oh, that's okay. You're a poor minister and I can support that"

Gee. Thanks.

I'm sure he meant that differently than it came out, so I decided to just let it slide and give him another shot. So then we're sitting there, eating our AMAZINGLY YUMMY FREEBIRD BURRITOS (yum-O) and we keep talking. He's going on and on about all the classes he's taking and how many accolades he's achieved, and how smart he is and how great of a personality he has...blah...blah...blah. (It feels weird when the person congratulates them-self more than you ever could). So then he's like, "Oh yeah. I mean, i wake up every morning and look in the mirror and I'm just so ready to dive into like a philosophy book. I just love sitting down with people and talking about philosophy with everyone all day." And I just kept nodding and smiling, the whole time thinking...oh jeeze. I could handle a couple of philosophical discussions, but not all day. :(

Then came the kicker. He looks at me and asks, "So, when are you gonna like stop working for Master's and grow up and get a real job?"

I was speechless.

I was like, "Well I"m sure there's a million and one things I could be doing right now, but for the time being, I really feel like I'm doing what I love and it is actually a real job. I actually do stuff that constitutes a real job." Pretty sure I said some harsh and sarcastic things in my mind at the time.

and he's like, "Yeah, I guess."

Then I changed the subject to something else where I didn't think he'd put his foot in his mouth. Needless to say, he wasn't a keeper either.


So tell me guys, have you ever had an embarrassing story along the lines of relationships with the opposite sex? Do Tell!! :D

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